


Of Darkness and Light

by kradam_12321 (kay_elizabeth_roxx)



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Blindness, Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-15
Updated: 2011-06-26
Packaged: 2017-10-10 12:51:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 78,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/99977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kay_elizabeth_roxx/pseuds/kradam_12321
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam Lambert, a young L.A. musician, lost his sight in a car wreck that also took the life of his lover. Now, two years later, he has finally put that dark time in his past-- but how will he cope when his new personal assistant, Kris Allen, unknowingly brings it all bubbling back to the surface?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated! :)

Prologue

  
When Adam Lambert pulled out of the club's parking lot late one August night, he hadn't a care in the world, except, perhaps, how he was going to celebrate. He had just finished playing a gig at a major club in L.A.-- The crowd was the largest he had performed for since the beginning of his music career in the city.

The night was warm and alive, the music had been great, and his and Brad's rent could now be paid two months in advance. Maybe he'd even have the opportunity to put down a few more demos to send out. His career outlook, at that point, was brighter than it had been in months.

The city seemed to pulse around him with renewed, ecstatic energy as he considered this, that fevered energy that made him want to stop somewhere, down a drink or four, and dance under the pulsing strobe lights with no inhibitions. And that dancing, of course, always included grinding up against the slight, gorgeous man currently residing in the passenger seat, chattering animatedly about how well the gig had gone.

He turned towards their favorite club at the next corner, replying, when Brad quirked an elegantly arched eyebrow, "This calls for a party, baby. You up for it tonight?"

"Pfft," Brad snorted, rolling his eyes. "You should know by now that I'm _always _up for cocktails and dancing, lover."

Adam grinned, leaning over to steal a quick kiss as he merged smoothly in with the late night traffic, mind still preoccupied with his recent successes, and the man seated next to him. His attention returned to the road, however, when headlights blared directly into his eyes, making him squint.

Later, when he remembered that night, that one second seemed to span an eternity: An SUV in the opposite lane swerving drunkenly, crossing into the incoming traffic like a salmon swimming upriver.

"--What the _fuck?" _Brad exclaimed, cutting off his chatter mid-sentence, not yet realizing that those were to be the last words he would ever speak.

Adam had only a split-second to react, instinctively jarring the steering wheel to the right, trying to swerve around the out-of-control vehicle.

Not fast enough.

The SUV rammed Adam's small, aging Toyota at a slight angle, crushing the front of the vehicle with an ear-piercing shriek of metal and sending it skidding, the hood bent in half like some weird abstract sculpture. The windshield imploded with the impact, shards of glass flying inwards as the airbags deployed. Adam barely noticed the pain of the razor-sharp fragments catching him in the face, the eyes. Brad's abruptly cut-off shout rang in his ears amid the crunch of metal.

Adam hit the airbag, fracturing his rib and saving his life, bursts of color exploding behind his eyelids before quiet, empty blackness reached out to receive him.

~

Some time later, Adam awoke to the sound of approaching sirens. He had a panicky moment of disorientation, before his throbbing head reorganized itself and recalled what had happened. He was still in the car, he realized, seat belt painfully tight across his chest.

He opened his eyes, and was met with naught but darkness and stabbing pain.

He raised a trembling hand to his face, fingers coming away wet and sticky. He could feel, with sickening clarity, the blood running down his cheeks and chin.

"Brad? My eyes, Brad," he rasped, shocked, frantically wiping blood away from his face-- _Darkness darkness oh _god _why was everything so damn black, why didn't Brad answer him why couldn't he _see_?--_ as the sirens, a numbing wail, became louder and louder.

~

After three long, painful hours in the emergency room, Adam clasped his sobbing mother's hand as the doctor told him, voice as gentle as he could make it, that his sight was not salvageable, and that Brad hadn't made it through the emergency surgery. 

Adam, still too numb to cry, took that as confirmation of the fact that everything he had lived for was gone from him.

 

~*~*~*~

Kris Allen headed into his wing of the hospital, setting his coffee down before Allison, both the head nurse and one of his best friends, could smack him amiably on the back, just for the amusement of watching him spill it on his scrubs. Allison was like that, sometimes.

"What's up, doc?" a familiar voice intoned, (speak of the devil,) as flaming red hair bobbed into view.

Allison liked to call him doc just to aggravate him-- She, if anyone, knew the difference between a nurse and a doctor.

In fact, Allison was extremely dedicated to her career: She was younger than Kris by more years than he liked to admit (she was twenty-three), and the head nurse of one of the largest hospitals in L.A. He had to admire her, even if she did giggle like a schoolgirl on occasion, and enjoyed watching him make a fool of himself just a little too much.

"Hey there," he said, leaning back against the check-in desk. "What's going on?"

"I need to talk to you today at lunch," she replied, matter-of-factly. "It's actually really important, so don't run off to flirt with that cute doctor in intensive care."

Kris held back an annoyed huff. He did _not _flirt with that doctor.

"Oh my, have I been fired?" Kris asked, perfectly monotone, and Allison laughed.

"Not yet."

~

"So, Kris," Allison began over their lunch, suddenly all business. The transition was scarily fast, sometimes.  "This is actually a pretty serious proposal. Megan has had to cut back on her hours since her son's daycare as closed, as you know."

Kris nodded; Megan was a pretty young nurse with long blond hair and a quirky grin. She absolutely lived for her adorable little son, Ryder.

"Well, she's also had to drop her personal at-home assistant deal she had set up with a man named Adam Lambert. He's just about the sweetest guy you could ever meet, only thirty years old-- He lost his vision in a car accident. He gets along relatively well by himself, but he needs help with things like cooking and shopping at this point. He has a maid that does the cleaning, so you wouldn't have to stumble around in that field and end up getting strangled by a mop or something."

He was not _that _bad at cleaning. He was a bachelor, for god's sake.

She ignored his glaring, and continued. "I would pick up the job myself for her, but I don't have the time in my schedule. Poor Megan doesn't know what to do, so I offered to talk to you. As ditzy as you tend to be, I think you'd be good for this."

"I am _not--"_

"He pays well, too. We could shorten your hours here and mold your schedule around it if you decided to do it."

Kris huffed, before pausing to consider. He had to admit that he did enjoy the bonds he formed with his patients, even if they did tend to be short-lived. It _would _be interesting to experiment in the single-patient care field, at any rate.

"--and he's also _really _good-looking, so--"

"I'll consider it," Kris agreed, half-smiling as Allison broke off her narration, clapping happily a few times, her curls bouncing.

"Megan will be SO glad to hear that," she gushed. "She said she would take you to meet him today after your shift, if you wanted."

"Sure, sounds good," Kris agreed, smiling over his sandwich. Allison waggled her eyebrows ridiculously, saying "I just _know _Adam will love you. Megan says she thinks he has a thing for southern boys."

"Whatever you say," Kris said, rolling his eyes with a grin.

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Thank you so much for doing this, Kris," Megan said from behind the steering wheel, navigating swiftly through the streets as they talked. "Adam is such a nice guy, but I just can't keep up the hours."

"Allison said he lost his sight in a car wreck?" Kris asked, and Megan nodded grimly, voice dropping in pitch as she replied "Yeah. He was hit by a drunk driver a couple of years ago. He was coming home from playing a show-- He sings, very well. He hasn't told me much of anything, but I've gathered that he lost someone important to him, as well."

"Oh, gosh," Kris said, not even able to imagine what that must be like, to have your life securely on track one minute and your entire dynamic of living turned upside-down the next.

"Yes," Megan agreed, "it's awful. But with the money from his music-- His fans set up a fund for him after the accident, bless them-- and the settlement from the crash, he lives pretty well."

They soon pulled up to a large, brick apartment complex, parking along the road out front and getting out.

"He lives on the first floor here," Megan explained as they entered the brightly lit, wood-paneled front hallway, turning towards the first door on the left. Megan let them in with a small key hooked to her keyring, leading them inside before softly shutting the door behind them.

"Aaadam!" Megan called, cheerfully sing-song, as Kris looked around. They were standing in a relatively roomy, simply furnished living room, done in shades of beige and black. At the head of the room, where a TV normally would have sat, stood a large stereo system.

"In the kitchen, Megan," a melodic, pleasant male voice replied, and Megan followed it, leading them through the door at the far side of the room and into a small, bright kitchen.

"Hey, Megs," the dark-haired man seated at the table greeted, hugging her lightly when she moved to him.

"Adam," Megan said, stepping back, "this is Kris."

"Nice to meet you, Adam," Kris greeted, and Adam turned towards him, smiling brightly.

The first thing Kris' mind registered was how utterly gorgeous this man was-- His hair was black as pitch, bangs swept across his forehead, his generous bow lips curved upwards into a smile.

The next two things he noticed were his eyes, and the scars.

His eyes were a striking shade of blue-grey... but they were blank slates, scarred and slightly clouded over.

The scars, while by no means the most prevalent feature of his handsome face, were certainly there, thin and slightly raised, covered by a layer of foundation: One narrow line cutting across his cheekbone, one hiding beneath an elegantly arched eyebrow, one curving from eyelid to temple. They laid quietly, a half-hidden reminder of trauma, beneath the beauty and makeup, like a shadowy veiled memorial.

"Likewise," Adam replied, sticking out a hand, fingers adorned with chunky rings. Kris moved forward and took it. His grip was firm (the mark of an honest man, as his papa used to say,) his skin soft.

"I could tell you'd brought him," Adam said, turning in Megan's direction. "He walks differently than you... his strides are shorter. Is he short?" he asked, a teasing curve to his mouth.

"Oh yes, now I know why Allison likes you so much," Kris automatically cut in-- Allison loved picking at his height. He blushed when he realized that that might have come across as rude, but Adam just laughed his musical laugh.

"But you would be correct on that point, Adam, he's a regular midget," Megan confirmed, ruffling Kris' hair like he was some kind of adorable little puppy dog. Kris batted her away with a "Shaddup, Megan."

"You shut up, midget," Megan brightly replied, before switching gears. "Well, let me show you how things are done around here, see if it's something you would like to do. And we'll even wait for dear Adam."

"I can walk just as fast as I ever could, honey," Adam pointed out, "But now my chances of running into walls and shit are greatly increased."

His words seemed lighthearted enough-- but Kris thought that his smile looked somehow brittle, like a worn facade hiding something deeper away. He dismissed that thought quickly, however-- It was much too presumptive an observation to make when he had just met the man, anyway.

He found himself smiling, at any rate, as Adam felt around the table and jauntily took Megan's arm. He already couldn't help being drawn in by his infectious charm-- his very being, it seemed, radiated out a soft, glowing aura that enticed him closer, like a moth to a beacon of light.

~

Adam followed along on Megan's arm as she took Kris through the apartment's various rooms, explaining the routine of things, and how he liked things to be done.

His schedule was relatively simple, centered mainly around mealtimes. Grocery shopping was once a week. Adam made sure to assure Kris, with a small smile, that he would require no fancy cooking, and that he would certainly help.

"My mom handles my bills and things of that nature," Adam said once they had returned to the kitchen table, his fingers running over the textured, slightly tacky surface of the plastic tablecloth. "And I have a nice girl that comes in once a week to clean, so that should be taken care of."

He paused. "So, now that you have an idea of the job, why don't you give him my number, Megan, so he can consider and call back in a few days?"

"Sure thing," Megan replied, things clicking and rustling quietly together as she presumably dug through her purse for something to write on. The clock on the wall ticked a steady background rhythm, to which Adam found himself subconsciously tapping his foot.

"...I don't think I'll need to call, actually," Kris suddenly piped up. His voice had a sweet, warm southern twang to it, Adam suddenly realized: Arkansas or Alabama, maybe.

Or Texas.

That thought sent a frighteningly sudden, red-hot bolt of anguish through Adam, it's origins certainly somewhere within that dark, secluded corner of his mind where all of those things were hidden away. The sudden shock of it caused him to instinctively tighten his muscles, as if bracing for impact, a harsh breath whistling out from between his clenched teeth.

"...Adam? Are you alright?" Megan asked, sounding worried. Adam forced himself to relax, pasting a grin across his face.

It was nothing, really. He just... hadn't been reminded in a long time. It just threw him off-balance, that was all.

"Sorry, er, I have a bit of a headache," he replied, shaking his head when Megan offered to grab him some Ibuprofen. "No, it's alright. I'm okay. Anyway, Kris, I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"That I think I'd like to take the job, Adam," he said a moment later, a smile in his voice.

"Great!" Megan said, before he could himself, the chair creaking beneath her-- Adam's mental picture of her wiggling in excitement happened to be extremely accurate.

"That's good," Adam agreed, the smile playing across his face genuine one, now. "Should I plan on seeing you tomorrow, then, Kris?"

"Yep," Kris confirmed. Chairs scraped across the linoleum floor, signaling Adam to open his arms for Megan. Soft hair brushed against his cheek as he hugged her gently, catching scent of her perfume, the delicate aroma of lavender.

"I'll miss you, Megs," he murmured, letting her go. "Thank you. Make sure to give Kris your key."

"I'll miss you too, Megan replied, grinning. "I'll definitely visit. We can have another cocktail night."

Adam laughed, shaking his head when she asked if he needed any help getting somewhere before they left.

"Nah, I got it," he said, feeling for his cane along the smooth stretch of wall by the table before rising.

"See you tomorrow, Kris," he continued, offering his hand and again noticing the rough slide of calluses against his sensitive fingers. A guitarist, perhaps.

"Bye," Kris and Megan chorused as their footsteps retreated into the hall, and Adam replied a moment before the door snicked shut with a metallic click.

Adam began making his way back to his room, seamlessly familiar with the path by now. He hadn't ever had a male assistant before. He supposed it would be a change of pace, especially since he had already taken a liking to Kris.

And that voice, like the slow, sweet flow of honey...

He shoved away the shadowy memories that tried to resurface, gut clenching. He disregarded the knowledge that this was the first time those images had threatened to emerge since a full year ago-- It was just the change in environment. Once he got settled in the dark whispers of the past would fall silent again.

He continued towards his room, fingers shaking slightly on his cane.


	3. Chapter 3

Kris showed up at Adam's place a few minutes early to let himself in, tugging at the hemline of his plaid button-down. It felt incredibly odd to be going to a job in a regular shirt and jeans, opposed to his customary scrubs.

"Hey, Kris," Adam greeted him from his seat on the couch, a seemingly blank white book propped on his lap. Kris didn't piece together what it was until Adam ran his fingertips slowly over one more line, eyebrows scrunched in concentration, before closing it and setting it on the cushion beside him.

"Oh, you can read Braille?" Kris asked, leaning against the arm of the couch. Adam turned towards him and replied "Oh, um. Kind of? I just started taking classes a few weeks ago, actually."

"Is it difficult?" Kris asked as he sat down next to him, curious. He doubted that he could ever make sense of all those little raised bumps.

"The concept itself isn't, but it's really slow going at this point... here," Adam said, picking up the book again and opening it across his lap. He reached out towards Kris, palm facing up, and Kris, realizing his tacit request, gave him his hand.

"There," Adam said, feeling the page before pressing Kris' index finger to it. "That single bump is an A. Every letter has its own formation, it's just learning to feel for and recognize them."

"Sounds hard enough to me," Kris laughed, as Adam's gentle fingers guided his across the page, Adam feeling for himself first before explaining the letter the pattern symbolized.

Ten minutes of good-natured teasing later-- "No, Kris, that's not an X. There is no X in they."-- Kris smiled and pointed out "We should probably get cooking."

"Oh, yeah," Adam agreed, releasing Kris' hand and setting the book aside. Kris headed towards the kitchen, watching Adam as he stood and followed. Kris' fingers felt strangely limp without the warm pressure of Adam's soft hand encasing them.

"So what're we making?" Kris asked, rummaging through the meticulously organized cabinets.

"Whatever you like," Adam said, stretched out long and lean against the counter. "I'm easy."

 

Color rose on Kris' cheeks as Adam correctly interpreted the silence, laughing. "Not that kind of easy, honey. Why do I have the feeling that you're blushing?"

Kris grumbled a vague denial in response, and Adam giggled-- scarily like Allison, actually-- behind him, popping some bread into the toaster.

~

Adam's teeth were set on edge. Every time they went out someplace that week, whenever they returned, Kris led him through the front door like he was some type of cow up for milking. Now he was stretched out like a rubber band, humming with aggravation... all because of that damn habit of Kris' to treat him like he couldn't get in a damn door by himself.

...But that was a lie, wasn't it? It had been building since that very first evening.

Adam was aware, somewhere deep in his mind, that that wasn't even close to the only reason behind his irritation: that one was simply the easiest to use to explain his snapping at every turn. He knew he was being sharp with Kris; He could hear the offense in the other man's voice, even if he never snapped back.

Certainly the issue that he had internally attached to his anger had something to do with it... but there were other darker underlying factors that he wouldn't even let surface in his mind.

Because, at the heart of it, was the fact that Kris reminded him. The voice, the ready laugh, the sweet little things he did just because he wanted to... it all burned deep in his chest, stirring up feelings that he had previously been able to successfully lock away. It aggravated him at a deep, irrational level, and the next time Kris' warm hand fell on his elbow going through the doorway, he snapped.

"Would you stop doing that?" Adam snarled harshly, and Kris stopped beside him, dropping his hand. "What?"

"Would you stop leading me like I'm a fucking dog?" he elaborated, the release of his pent-up emotion easing the throbbing in his chest just a little.

Kris' honey-sweet voice was affronted as he replied, after a long moment, "...What the hell? If I remember correctly, you hired me to help you."

Some part of Adam was protesting his verbal attack, but he plowed relentlessly on, because, the ache. "Yeah, to help, not to lead me around like a frickin' two year old! I'm not completely helpless, you know."

Adam could hear the exact syllable at which offense morphed into icy anger. "Fine, Adam. Do it yourself."

The door slammed behind him, and Adam was aware that he had left, leaving him with a throbbing headache, that awful undercurrent of the past not alleviated in the slightest.

~

An hour later, Kris found himself at Allison's apartment, consoling himself with cheesecake and sitcoms. When he had arrived from Adam's place he had still been steaming, but he had gradually cooled to moody sullenness.

Allison wasn't much help.

"Hmm," Allison said, after his indignant recounting, taking a bite of cheesecake. "I dunno why he would do that. I don't know him well enough to speculate, really."

"Thanks for the insight," Kris grumbled, stabbing at his cheesecake. "I have the right to be angry, either way. He didn't have to bite my head off for doing my job."

"You do have the right," Allison agreed, "But what he's going through might be harder than he presents it to be."

Kris sighed, deflating. "I know."

She paused, eyes on the TV. "Anyway, I've learned not to get in the middle of a lover's quarrel. Just ends up getting messy."

Kris turned towards her, gawking. "...When did my employer become my lover?"

Allison turned to him, eyes wide with genuine surprise. "You guys haven't...?"

"No!" Kris denied, ears going red. "Of course not!"

"Wow," she said after a long moment, leaning back against the couch cushions. "You must be slipping."

"I don't want to!" Kris indignantly insisted, cheeks stained red.

"Whatever you say," Allison gave in, turning back to the TV. They sat silently for a moment.

"...So what should I do?" Kris asked after a moment, glumly looking at his cheesecake. Allison thought that was definitely the most love-sick look she'd ever seen anyone give a cake.

"Go talk to him, of course," she advised, propping her feet up on the coffee table. "You'll get your man yet, Kristopher."

She ignored his irritated protests, a half-smile curving her lips. She was so right about this one.


	4. Chapter 4

Kris, despite his indignant rant the previous night, found himself hesitating outside Adam's door the next morning at his normal time.

Kris had come to the conclusion that Allison did have a point: he couldn't even guess what Adam might be going through in his life. But, regardless of that knowledge, a seed of resentment still smoldered in his chest, and he bit his lip, studying the wood of the door.

After another long moment of deliberation, he finally told himself to grow a pair, finding his key and opening the door. He walked firmly in, fully intending to give Adam a piece of his mind-- but his anger evaporated as he shut the door and turned to see the figure on the couch.

Adam was curled on his side on the too-short leather sofa, his hair fanned messily across his forehead. In the soft morning light, filtering in through the windows, his scars were thin, silver dashes.

Kris approached, footsteps muffled by the thick carpet, and kneeled by him, something warm stirring within him where anger had previously resided. Adam's soft, generous lips were parted slightly, soft breathes hissing from between his teeth. His face was unworried and gentle in sleep-- despite the slight swelling underneath his eyes that spoke of tears.

The need to touch-- a need that he had previously denied, both to himself and to Allison, even existed-- was a persistent ache under his skin, sending his body thrumming. He automatically moved to fulfill it, not pausing to think before pushing a gentle hand through the other man's hair and carding his fingers through the silky black strands.

Adam stirred, his scarred, blue-grey eyes blearily opening. "Kris?" he asked confusedly, his voice rough with sleep.

"Yeah," Kris confirmed, running his fingers through his hair as he spoke. "I'm sorry I ran out on you last night... and I'm sorry for not letting you do more things by yourself. I'll... I'll try to change that."

"...It's fine," Adam said after a moment, quietly, hesitantly taking the hand from his hair and laying it on the cushion, tracing senseless patterns across it with an index finger. "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. It's just... you..."

Adam lapsed into silence then, biting his lip, finger intently tracing the lines of the other man's palm. His expression showed hints of a deep, pained deliberation.

"...I mean, I know it's your job," he finally murmured, sounding exhausted, "But... It's just, I want to have everything back. All of it." He shuddered, the words obviously holding some double meaning for him. "My indepedence, I mean. But I am... acutely aware of how far I have yet to go."

Kris could see something else lurking deep within Adam's expression, something else troubling him. He wasn't one to push, however, so he let it go.

"...You'll come closer and closer to that point if you just keep pushing on," Kris gently assured him, watching Adam's fingertips on their journey up his wrist. "With your classes and everything, you'll get there."

"I hope so," Adam murmured, whisper quiet, and Kris' hand, seemingly of its own accord, stopped Adam's in its restless wandering, fingers twining through the other man's.

Adam said nothing, only laid there, face tilted down towards their joined hands, eyelashes casting delicate shadows across his cheekbones.

They sat in loaded silence for a long, breathless moment, before Adam raised his face, bringing it close to Kris'-- His eyes were hooded and dark, their breaths feathering across each other's lips.

"Adam," Kris managed to choke out, a warning in his voice, despite the want roiling in his gut. This was dangerous territory: this was toeing past the line between a professional relationship and the foggy abyss beyond.

"Kris," Adam replied in a totally different tone of voice, pulling the sweet temptation of his lips a few centimeters further away before laying his sensitive fingers against Kris' jawline, testing its contours.

"....May I?" Adam asked, hesitantly. "I've... I've been wanting to get a picture of you."

Kris knew he should say no, knew he should back away from this line and let things be-- but what left his lips was a murmured confirmation, his mouth dry as Adam's nimble fingers began to trace a wandering path across his face.

His fingers slowly traced along the ridge of his brow, across the sharp angle of his jaw and the bridge of his nose, thumb finding its way across his cheekbone. Kris saw as something began to surface on Adam's face. His fingers stuttered at his mouth, but eventually continued, thumb sweeping across the soft curve of his bottom lip.

Kris' brow creased with worry and confusion as he watched the passage of emotion across Adam's face: surprise, denial, shock, anger, fear. His breaths became harsh exhales, his eyes wide and blank, his body beginning to shudder.

"Adam...?" Kris questioned, voice laced with concern as Adam recoiled-- and a bare moment later he shot up from the couch, staggering away before Kris could say a word.

~

Adam crashed into the bathroom just as the horribly familiar feeling of drowning reached unbearable heights. His shaking fingers managed to turn the lock on the door just as the pictures slammed into the forefront his mind like a semi into a brick wall, breaking free from their prison.

His shaking knees buckled, and he collapsed, cold linoleum underneath him-- but it was really upholstery, the old cruddy green upholstery in his Toyota-- but as long as Kris didn't see him-- the man he loved, so sweetly familiar, beside him, laughing, smiling, kissing him--everything would be fine.

He curled onto his side as the memories flashed through his mind, the pain accompanying each one like a baseball bat to the head, all sense of reality deserting him as he shuddered with helpless convulsions on the floor.

And there's the SUV, no chance of getting out of the way. Metal bending and tearing around him like a woman shrieking, glass shattering, everything a blur, pain ripping him apart. Someone was screaming, and he knew it was Brad. Something that could be a bucket of warm water but wasn't spattering him, light fragments exploding around him, vision breaking into a rainbow of colors, fading, gone, that final agonized scream ringing in his ears, blackness. Blood a heavy scent in his nostrils, Brad dead, gone from him.

Someone was still screaming, he dimly registered, before realizing it was he himself. Sobs shook his entire body as he choked on the next shriek, slowly resurfacing, every image branded in high definition into his mind.

Brad. Kris looked like his Brad.

Adam curled further into himself, sobs ripping from his throat and shaking his shoulders, hair sticking to the wetness that his tears had left on his cheeks. His head throbbed as he groped for his cellphone in his pocket, not even noticing the shouting and pounding at the door.

He hit the key for speed dial, cussing as the phone dropped from his erratically trembling hands and onto the floor with a dull thunk. He found it and shoved it to his ear, breaths coming much too fast, gut clenching. He was going to be sick.

"Hello?" the voice of his mother answered, immediately becoming frantic at the sounds of his gasping, irregular sobs on the other end of the line.

"M-Mom," he said, choking on the word, his voice hoarse and broken. "Mom, i-it's coming back. All of it."


	5. Chapter 5

Kris dropped his head against the wood of the bathroom door, calling out to Adam yet again. The noises inside the bathroom had just subsided from retching and sobbing to wounded whimpers and cries, and Kris was frantic.

The two-inch thick slab of wood in front of him seemed impenetrable to Kris. Such a simple thing was playing the part of a wicked barrier separating him from the man who, only a few minutes ago, he had been aching to kiss-- the man who was now in some terrible distress.

When Adam had staggered away from him and locked himself in the bathroom he hadn't a clue what was wrong... but then came the screaming: awful, agonized shouts mixed with sobs, and one repeating name.

His fists throbbed from pounding frantically on the door, and he stopped, exhausted. Frustrated tears pooled in his eyes as he continued to call for Adam, desperate for any kind of response and receiving none. He debated calling 911, his hand hovering at the cell phone in his pocket. He never had the chance to decide, however, because, just then, two woman burst in through the front door, hurrying across the room.

One was a small, older black-haired woman, worry creased across every feature of her face. The other was a tall brown-haired woman that looked to be in her thirties, her face more composed than the other's. Kris jumped shakily at their sudden entrance, whipping around in surprise.

Adam must have told them, whoever they were, about him, because neither even blinked at his presence.

"Where is he?" the black-haired one immediately asked, her voice firm. Kris could tell, solely from her tone of voice, that this was not the first time she had been through this.

"In there," Kris replied, pointing shakily to the bathroom door. "I-I tried to get in, but--"

"Excuse me," the other woman said, cutting him off and going to the door, high heels dully tapping across the carpet. She leaned her head close to the door, speaking softly, voice calm and gentle. "Adam? It's Bobby. Can you talk to me, sweetie?"

Kris, standing nearby with the dark-haired woman, heard a vague, mumbled sentence come in reply, sniffling and uneven, hitching breaths following.

"Are you hurt?" Bobby said asked, the thin crease between her eyebrows smoothing out in relief as the man on the other side of the door murmured a broken "N-No."

"Good, honey, good," she said, voice still that carefully composed, soft tone, obviously hiding her tension from Adam. "Can you open the door for me, then?"

"Don't want him to... see me.." was the whimpered reply, Kris' his heart throbbing in his chest at those words.

"Don't worry, it will only be you and me for a while, okay?" Bobby replied, and the dark-haired woman squeezed his shoulder apologetically, motioning for him to follow her out into the kitchen. Kris looked back in time to see the door crack open and Adam slowly emerge, his hair hanging down across his eyes, cheeks stained with tears and mascara. His shoulders were hunched, his posture closed, as if he were trying to curl in on himself.

In the kitchen, the dark-haired woman looked around, lips set in a worried line, before sitting at the kitchen table with a sigh. "You might as well sit down too, honey. It will be a while before she's calmed him down."

Kris did, and the woman offered a hand, tiredly introducing herself. "Leila Lambert. I'm Adam's mother."

"Kris Allen," Kris replied, shaking it. "I'm his assistant."

Leila nodded, replying "I know. He told me that he'd hired you."

They lapsed into silence at that, Kris' hands fidgeting in his lap, a million questions buzzing around his head as he wondered what had happened to Adam, and what Bobby was doing to help.

"...I'm sorry," Leila said, a long minute later, rubbing a hand across her face. "Adam called me, by the way... that's why we're here. You must have no idea what's going on."

"Yeah," Kris agreed, his heart beginning to slow back down to its original pace. "What... What happened back there? He just ran off and then he was screaming and I didn't know..."

"...It's not really my place to explain," Leila sighed after a moment, "But you do have the right to know. I'm sure you know by now that he lost his sight in a car accident."

Kris nodded, nervously fingering with the edge of the tablecloth, adrenaline levels still high. "Megan told me that."

"Well, he also lost his boyfriend in that wreck," Leila continued, eyes thick with the sadness of a mother recalling her son's pain. "Brad. He was a sweet, sweet man. Adam absolutely adored him."

She paused. "After the accident, he was... broken, for lack of a better term. He refused to have anything to do with cars; He hardly left the house at all. It was like he was a walking shell of what he had been... It was like his soul, all of the hope and joy that he had previously, had just been scooped out of him. He lived with me until three months ago, when he felt he was ready to move on into a new environment."

Kris' eyes widened at her description, stiffening-- He couldn't reconcile the bright, sweet Adam that he had come to know with the image that his mother was painting for him: a picture of a hopeless, broken-hearted man, grieving for his lover and his sight.

His mind flashed back to Bobby, talking to Adam from the other side of the door with the type of calm assurance that came with a long record of dealing with those kinds of situations. "...Who's the other woman you brought? Bobby?"

"Bobby is Adam's therapist," Leila disclosed, "Although he hasn't needed to meet with her for quite some time. After the accident, it was with her help that he slowly began to improve, to see the light in the world again..."

"What you no doubt witnessed back there was Adam having a flashback. He had to deal with the same thing nearly every week right after the accident, both waking and asleep... But he hadn't had one in almost a full year, previous to this."

"What triggered him, then?" Kris questioned, stomach knotting. He knew, somewhere deep inside, that it had to do with his presence in his life.

"...I shouldn't speculate about that," Leila said, a long, well-shaped fingernail tapping slowly against the tabletop. "Only Adam could tell us that. And I expect the only person he'd be willing to tell right now is Bobby, and she's always respected his right to confidentiality. I have my suspicions... but that's all they are."

Kris nodded in understanding, and they both fell into silence, Kris' mind returning again and again to those wailing cries, his foot tapping nervously as he waited for Bobby to return.

~

"Are you feeling a little calmer now, Adam?" Bobby asked from her seat on the edge of the bed, where Adam was curled.

The dark-haired man nodded tiredly after a moment, his head throbbing. He felt drained in every possible way, the type of exhaustion that made him feel like he could sleep for a week straight in blissful unawareness.

"Then why don't you tell me what happened?" she asked, gently, and Adam's eyes, puffy as they already were, brimmed again with tears that carved winding paths down his cheeks.

"Kris. He... looks like Brad," Adam said, whisper quiet. "I felt him. He does, doesn't he?"

Bobby had seen pictures of Brad at various points during her career relationship with Adam, and as her policy was that honesty always benefited patients more than half-truths and white lies, she replied "There's certainly a resemblance."

"I felt him... and everything resurfaced," he shuddered, biting his lip hard enough to leave marks. "All at once."

"...Well, do you want him to leave?" Bobby asked, not surprised when he slowly shook his head no. Her line of work required her to be perceptive of unsaid things, and she had seen something in Kris' eyes that had been similarly reflected in Adam's. "No. I like having him around. He's... special."

"I think that's a very good idea," Bobby agreed. "Continued exposure in small doses to your past will certainly help you to put it to rest, for good this time, more than if you simply shoved away all reminders of it. I can see Kris becoming a good support for you, as well."

Adam nodded, wiping his eyes. Bobby let Adam sit in silence for a few minutes, realizing the train of his thoughts.

"Can I see my mom, now? And Kris?" he finally murmured, raking a ring-laden hand through his dark hair. "I... I'm ready."

"Sure honey, if you feel you're ready." She walked across the room, pausing by the door and looking back at him. "Just remember, Adam, you aren't going to heal overnight. I know no one likes to hear that, but it's true. You will heal, but it will take time, and pushing too fast into things won't help in the least."

"I know," Adam said, nodding. "I know."

"Good," she said, opening the door and going to fetch Leila and Kris.

~

When Kris hurried in through the bedroom door, preceded by Leila, although the sight of Adam made his heart clench, it wasn't as terrible as his overactive mind had convinced him it would be. Adam was laying on his side on the bed, curled up and looking very small. His eyes were swollen and streaked with mascara, lingering beads of moisture clinging to his dark lashes.

Leila said nothing at all, only moved to him, and Adam curved into her, returning her embrace.

"...Thank you, mom," Adam mumbled, eyes tiredly slitted. "I'm okay now."

"Would you like us to go so you can sleep, sweetie?" Leila asked, tenderly gazing down at her son, and he paused a moment before slowly nodding.

Kris rose with the others in preparation to leave, watching as Bobby walked over and rubbed Adam's shoulder, saying "I think it would be beneficial for us to begin meeting twice a month, maybe. Would every other Tuesday work for you?"

Adam replied with a quiet confirmation, and Bobby continued "But if you ever need me between meetings, just call or come in. You never need an appointment."

Adam nodded in understanding, but raised a hand as goodbyes were exchanged, pausing their exit.

"...Kris? Could you stay for a while? Please?" he asked, hesitantly, making it clear through the tone of his voice that he could say no if he chose.

That was no decision at all, in Kris' mind.

"Of course," he agreed, as Bobby and Leila left, the front door quietly shutting behind them. Adam laid his palm flat on the mattress beside him in silent invitation, and Kris took it, moving across the room and sitting beside him.

Adam was silent for a few long moments, then, face turned down towards the bedspread.

"...I'm sorry I scared you," Adam murmured, eyebrows scrunched together. "I know its not fair to put you through this without knowing what... but I can't..." he trailed off, biting his lip and reaching out until his fingers encountered the other man's denim-clad calf, fingertips softly rubbing.

His eyes widened when the other man shifted away from the touch-- He saw what he really was, how messed up he was and now he's leaving-- but Kris only moved to lay down beside him, careful not to invade Adam's space.

"I'm not leaving," Kris quietly assured him, recognizing his distress, voice gentle but firm in his declaration.  
Adam gave a choked little sob at that, grateful and pained, reaching out for him.

His hands encountered the front of the other man's shirt, and he knotted his fingers into the fabric, burying his face into the dip of Kris' neck, breaths blowing hot across his collarbone.

Kris slipped his arms around the other man's trembling shoulders in automatic response, the pads of his fingers rubbing soothingly against the sharp cuts of his shoulder blades, drawing him close.

Kris held him as the other man shook silently against him, and he pressed his face against Adam's thick, dark hair, murmuring wordless comforting nonsense. It wasn't much, but it was all he could do.

After a few minutes, Adam calmed again, body relaxing into Kris' embrace. Adam's hand lay curled on the other man's stomach, his nose nuzzled against his throat as his breathing leveled out once more.

"...Will you stay?" Adam slowly asked after a long, silent minute, his voice muffled against the cotton of the other man's shirt. Kris unhesitatingly nodded a confirmation-- Nothing could have drawn him away from Adam at this point.

"Thank you," Adam whispered, so quiet Kris questioned if he had even heard the words. A whisper of soft lips brushed his neck, then, and soon Adam's chest was rising and falling with the gentle rhythm of sleep.

Kris sighed and closed his eyes, stroking a thumb over Adam's hip, letting the warmth of the long body nestled up against him lull him into sleep.

~

Sunlight filtering through his eyelids was what awakened him the next morning, and his first muddled thought was that he must have forgotten to shut the blinds in his room. Then he registered the warm, solid weight curled against him, and remembered, eyes sleepily cracking open.

He was sprawled on his back across Adam's still-made bed, arms entangled around a warm body.  
Adam's head was nestled against his shoulder, his long-fingered hand resting on his chest.

His mouth felt dry and gummy, and he was uncomfortable from sleeping in his jeans all night, but he didn't move for fear of waking the still-sleeping Adam. The other man's lips were full and pink, slightly parted, his hair framing his face in a thick dark curtain.

Kris shifted the tiniest bit, trying to stop the waistband of his pants from digging into his waist, and Adam moved with him, eyelids fluttering slowly open, a yawn escaping his lips. He shifted onto his stomach,   
but didn't pull away from Kris' embrace, laying his cheek against the other man's chest and facing up towards him.

"You stayed," he sleepily murmured, the barest hint of a smile curving his lips.

"I said I would," Kris simply replied, petting his hair, and Adam replied by nuzzling against his shoulder, sighing.

A long, warm minute later, Adan shifted his weight onto his elbow, raising himself slightly, and it was not until his lips breathed a kiss across his jaw that Kris realized his intent.

"Kris," Adam murmured, cutting off whatever might have fallen from Kris' mouth, touching his collarbone with soft fingertips and humming a soft noise against the other man's lips as Kris gave up the fight.

Their lips clung sweetly for a long, breathless moment, Adam's mouth warm and silky against his, and Kris threaded his fingers through the other man's dark hair, nipping lightly at his bottom lip.

Adam's fingers curled against the brunette's neck, but hesitated there, venturing no higher.

They parted a long minute later, breaths feathering across each other's mouths, Kris' senses inundated with Adam's sweet, rich scent, and the taste of his lips.

There were things that needed to be said, they both knew, but neither could find the words. All they could do was to lean into each other again, a few silent tears escaping from baby-blue eyes as they filled in the blanks.


	6. Chapter 6

Three weeks later, when Kris entered Adam's place for dinner, he found the dark-haired man sitting at the kitchen table, fingers running over the mysterious contents of a manila folder. Before he could inquire as to what he was doing, Adam raised his face at the sound of his footsteps, his expression brightening.

"Hey," Kris smiled, moving into Adam's arms as he stretched them open for him. He nestled against the other man's body, curved into that special spot along the dip of Adam's side that felt as if it had been formed just for him-- as if when God created Adam, he had said "Broad shoulders to match his height... and under that, there is where Kris will fit..."

He realized with a pang, however, that he was certainly not the first or the only man to have fit there with such easy comfort. That thought just made him hold tighter onto the other man, even as he hated himself for the jealous possession laced throughout his thoughts.

Adam nuzzled his nose against the other man's cheek, replying, voice a happy sigh, "Hey there." Kris turned towards the nudges, closing his mouth over the other man's. His lips were soft and yielding as ever, his tongue a fleeting, velvet presence.

Kissing Adam was like immersing himself in hot, soothing water-- any tension drained from him, leaving him pliant and relaxed, and while it left his lungs burning for air, he willingly let himself go without simply for the pleasure of being able to cling to those gorgeous lips for one second longer. Although he and Adam hadn't yet done more than cuddle and share long, gentle, searching kisses, he never tired of it.

Adam released his lips with a sweet peck, turning excitedly back to the folder Kris had completely forgotten about. It was filled with what looked like Braille, the paper behind the dots shiny and waxy.

"Look what I got today in my class," Adam said, gesturing towards the tabletop. "I was waiting for you to come before I put them up, so you could help."

Kris had not the vaguest clue what the papers that Adam was referring to were for, but the bright smile adorning his boy's face made his heart stir warmly. That smile had been emerging slowly more and more   
often since the day of Adam's flashback and their discovery of each other-- His phases of withdrawn silence were few and usually relatively brief. Kris had learned to analyze subtle cues that indicated if Adam wanted to be left alone or held at those points in time.

Now, however, his face was clear and happy, pain seeming to be a far-away concept.

"Cool... Uh, I don't know what they are," Kris replied, settling into Adam's lap in response to his imploring tug. He gazed down at the papers, cocking his head curiously. "Stickers?"

"Labels," Adam corrected with a chuckle, pressing a kiss under Kris' chin, making a pleasant shudder travel up the other man's spine. "From my class earlier today with Mom. It's just a basic set, but they're going to help so much. They stick on tons of stuff, and now that I know Braille-- kind of-- they'll help me do so many things easier."

He sighed dreamily. "No more burning things on the stove 'cause the heat's too high."

"You'll burn things anyway," Kris said, fingers rubbing against the other man's navy blue t-shirt, stretched taut across his broad chest. He kissed him playfully on the nose. "It's just lack of cooking skills, I think."

Adam snorted, giving a 'bitch, please' flip of his wrist before changing gears. "My culinary skills aside, why don't we put these things up?"

They spent the next ten minutes sticking the see-through Braille labels where they were meant to be-- On the microwaves buttons, on the oven knobs, and like places. Kris could tell just by watching Adam how   
excited he was by this new step forward in his independence-- He was nearly bouncing around in glee.

"Jokes aside," Kris said, walking to Adam once they were finished, "I'm really really happy for you, Adam. You're getting closer to that goal every day, you know?"

Adam beamed at him in response, and Kris laid his hands on the other man's chest, stretching up to press their mouths together. Adam's hand curled into his tousled hair as they kissed, tongue slowly teasing his own.

"Well, let's try these things out," Adam smiled a long minute later, and Kris agreed, basking in the other man's lovely, warm presence as they made their dinner.

~

Adam was feeling, in simplest terms, pretty fucking amazing.

The labels had been something of a revelation-- Every single task was easier now, the clear-cut success sending bursts of pride through his chest: a drugging feeling that hadn't been present within him in a terribly long time. But now, at last, he was making it up that mountain.

On top of that, things with Kris were going better than he would have ever dared to hope. His presence was intoxicating, and the reminders of his past lover had been relatively easy to overcome since that day weeks ago.

He felt invincible.

That feeling-- that one simple feeling, bubbling up in his chest-- led him to boldly state the method of celebration that he had been forming in his mind, the idea that ultimately set off the chain of events that would unfold that night.

"Hey, Kris. Would you wanna go out clubbing for a while with me tonight?" he found himself asking after they had finished breakfast, snuggled together on the couch.

"...Clubbing?" Kris repeated, doubtfully, and Adam chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Don't tell me you've never been to a club. I won't believe you."

"I have," Kris said, sweet honey voice a little defensive, and Adam laughed, nuzzling against his temple to show he was only joking. "Then would you go with me? I thought the occasion was ripe for a few cocktails."

"I refuse to drink anything neon-colored," Kris immediately asserted, earning a chuckle from Adam.

"We'll see."

Soon after, Kris departed with a goodbye kiss, and Adam went to his room to feel through his closet for his partying clothes, the ones that had long been buried. He ignored the nagging thought that this was a bad idea-- he would be fine. Him and... his past lover's favorite thing to do together had been to go out dancing, but he had been doing great managing the memories in the past weeks. He would go out and stay present, and have a good time with Kris.

He could manage it fine, he told himself, and that was that.

~

Kris stared despairingly into his closet, having absolutely no idea what in his meager wardrobe would pass for clubbing attire. Partying was something he had never been big on-- The few times he had went out, Allison had had to cajole and blackmail him to no end to get him to stay more than thirty minutes. The bottom line was that he really preferred sitting at home with a beer to standing around a club and looking awkward.

He sighed, finally settling on a simple black button-down rolled to the elbows, paired with a pair of dark, well-fitting jeans and his well-worn Converse. He slid into the outfit, before mussing his hair until it looked decent, leveling a critical gaze at himself in the mirror. Well, it would have to do.

He grabbed his phone and car keys on the way out, and was soon on his way to Adam's. The only available parking spot along the road was a block away, and by the time he entered Adam's complex and unlocked his door, he was smiling a little to himself. Tonight would be fun, he told himself, even if he was a little unaccustomed to the partying scene.

He entered the apartment to find the living room and kitchen deserted, and when he called out curiously to Adam, the reply came from the bathroom. Kris walked into the room to find Adam standing in front of the vanity counter, smearing glitter around his eyes with an index finger. Kris leaned against the door frame, taking in the figure standing before him with appreciative interest.

Adam was clad in tight black leather pants that clung to the long lines of his thighs and rode low on his hips, the zipper a gleaming, unhidden silver line. A black-- or was it dark blue?-- sparkling tank top was stretched across his broad chest, and his hair was gelled up dramatically, his eyes heavily accented with kohl and smokey gray-blue eyeshadow.

"...You look fantastic," Kris smiled, a little awed, from the doorway, and Adam smiled, dabbing some more at his eyelid before turning to Kris and reaching out for him, pulling him in against his body.

"Hmm," he said, running his large, warm hands over Kris' outfit, rubbing at the material, smoothing his fingers down the other man's chest. "Nice."

"I'm glad you think so," Kris laughed, a little sheepishly. "I had no clue what to wear, truthfully."

Adam chuckled in response, and gave him a quick taste of those tempting, velvety lips. "Well you succeeded. Why don't we make dinner, so we can get going?"

Kris nodded, and after a quick meal, they headed out to the car, Kris plugging the address Adam recited to him into his GPS. One crawlingly slow-- traffic was a remorseless bitch, sometimes-- car ride later, they pulled up in front of a large, low-slung club, a pulsing techno beat leaking out from below the double doors, the name of the club emblazoned in flashing colors across a neon sign. Men in various degrees of flamboyant dress stood around outside, drinks in hand.

Kris already felt painfully plain, looking at the stragglers outside the doors, but when Adam took his hand and led him inside, cane in his other hand, he could feel the eyes on them, and knew he had the most beautiful man in the entire place on his arm.

Inside, the lighting was dim, save for the multi-colored lights flashing across the large dance floor, illuminating the mass of tightly packed, gyrating bodies. The bar was at the other end of the room, the wood counter top highly polish. That's where they headed first, taking seats on two of the tall black bar stools.

Adam ordered himself a cocktail and Kris a beer, sliding the bartender an oddly folded ten dollar bill. He took the drinks the bartender returned with, and quickly folded the dollar bills he received as change in half, before sticking them in his wallet.

Kris took his beer and slid his fingers over Adam's wrist, questioningly.

Adam apparently realized what he meant, because he dismissively waved a hand, replying, "That's just another trick I learned. When I get change back or whatever, I figure out the bill amounts and I fold them a different way depending on what they are. It makes things a whole lot simpler paying for shit."

"Wow, that's really smart," Kris said, impressed, as Adam sipped his cocktail. Kris was starting to realize just how many different ways people could do everyday things without sight, and manage just as well as anyone-- Using methods Kris had never even considered.

The other man smiled into his drink, laughing a little, before leaning over towards him, asking for a kiss. His lips tasted fruity, with a zip of alcohol hiding beneath. "Believe me, I'm not the first to have done it."

"Still cool," Kris murmured, and sipped at his drink, looking around the place in silence for a moment.

"So whataya think? Cool?" Adam questioned a moment later, seeming to sense his observing gaze, casually fanning his fingers across his thigh. Kris felt something stir deep in his belly, and he automatically glanced down at the tempting lines of Adam's muscular thighs, and where they joined.

"Yes," he blurted out, unthinkingly, then promptly blushed. "I mean, yeah. It's all right."

"I used to come here all the time, when--" Adam started, before abruptly cutting his words short, something flashing quickly across his features.

 

"Anyway..." he continued, an awkward moment later, quickly downing the rest of his drink, "Would you like to dance?"

He stood, all lean, long lines, and offered a hand. Kris stood and took it without hesitation, leaving Adam's cane and his own half-finished beer at the bar.

Kris led the way to the dance floor, stopping uncertainly on the outside fringe of the mob of dancing bodies.

"I can't really... dance," Kris admitted, sheepishly, and Adam laughed, saying "Yes you can, sweetheart. Here."

He laid his hands on Kris' hips, his body beginning to sway alluringly to the beat, hips gyrating.

"Like this," he murmured, pulling their bodies flush together, and Kris slid his arms around Adam's neck, the pounding, fast techno beat vibrating through his body, invading his chest.

Adam sensually slid his body against Kris' as the smaller man began to get a grasp on moving with the beat, and Kris wasn't prepared when Adam slid a hard thigh between his legs, hands grasping at Kris' waist, guiding him to swivel against it.

A breathy moan escaped Kris' throat as this change of position aligned their hips, Adam's excitement an obvious, hot hardness against him, rubbing through the fabric of their pants.

Adam sucked in a harsh breath at the noise Kris made, knotting a hand into his hair and hungrily taking his mouth, nipping and sucking at his pouty lips, tongue pressing hotly into his mouth.

Kris groaned again, not caring in the least at this point that they were in public, only registering Adam's devastatingly hot mouth devouring his own, his long fingers clutching at his ass, pulling him in harder to rub Kris' now-aching cock against his own.

Kris' eyes were blown wide with desire, and he threw his head back with a broken moan as Adam snaked a hand between them, giving the bulge in his jeans a firm squeeze, rubbing the palm of his hand against his straining erection.

"Adam," Kris breathed, desperately, as Adam sucked at his neck, hand doing wicked things between them, teasing him as they moved together.

Adam said nothing in reply, only licked at Kris' lips, fingers on his back dipping slowly below his waistband, fingertips skimming the top of his ass.

Adam abruptly broke away and tugged at his hand, then, leading a dazed Kris back stumbling to the bar. He retrieved his cane quickly, and soon they were hurrying into Kris' car, lips crashing and searching, hands greedy and grasping.

"Home," Adam said, just one simple word, and Kris drove faster than he probably should have to fulfill his request, Adam looking like a demi-god beside him, a delicious bulge between his thighs, his hand skittering impatiently along Kris' thigh.

~

They fell in through Adam's front door fifteen minutes later with no semblance of grace, Adam's cane clattering to the ground unceremoniously as the dark-haired man turned and pushed Kris up against the door, crowding against him.

A hot mouth took his, but immediately let him take control of the kiss, and Adam pushed his sensitive fingers up under his shirt in response, trailing them along the warm, smooth skin of the other man's belly, a thin, downy-soft trail of hair disappearing below his waistband.

Adam's senses were alight with heated desire, his body thrumming with anticipation as he tangled his hand into the other man's hair-- it was that light, soft blondish-brown mess he had always loved, silky against his fingertips-- and clung to the smaller man's mouth, tongue teasing at the seam of his lips.

He wasn't even aware of the past stealthily stealing over him, transporting him back to those long-ago nights of fiery passion-- now and then meshing and melding into an indistinguishable mess of heat and desire.

All he knew was the feel of hot skin under his hands as he ripped open the other man's shirt open-- his waist so slender between his hands, every rib defined for him to trace-- and the sound of the moans he sealed his lips over-- voice always so sweet, breathy and delicate, breaking in pleasure for him.

Slender hands grasped desperately at his shoulder blades, gasps falling into his mouth as the other man wildly bucked his hips up into him, and Adam deftly undid the fly of his jeans, fingers slipping inside.

He curled his hand around the hard shaft of flesh he encountered inside the denim, fondling the velvety head, and the other man raked his nails roughly down his back-- those long, well-shaped nails that his boy loved to mark him with in the frenzy of sex-- and gasped harshly, biting roughly at Adam's bottom lip.

Adam threw his head back and moaned out his lover's name, the scratches throbbing erotically across his back, harsh lines of prickling heat. "Brad..."

He was so firmly ensnared in the illusions of his memories, that it was not until several moments after the body against him froze that reality crashed down around him, his stomach clenching sickeningly as he played back over the last few moments.

He stumbled back from Kris in horror as he realized what he had said, his hands coming up to cover his mouth as tears sprang up in his eyes. He found he couldn't speak, his voice choked back by a painful knot of regret and terror in his throat.

Kris was silent for a long, awful moment, before he finally mumbled, voice shaking and wounded, "I... I h-have to go."

"...Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Adam finally breathed, horrified at himself, as tears ran down his cheeks-- but Kris was already gone, a muffled sob preceding him out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Adam walked into the front room of Bobby's office, approaching the reception desk. He was well aware of the layout of this room by now, having spent many a session in this building with Bobby after the accident, although this was the first time he had returned in... quite a while.

He was further reminded of his relapse when, when the receptionist greeted him, he didn't recognize her voice. Bobby must have had cause to hire a new girl, and he had been able to live without this place for long enough that he had missed the transition. He hated it. As much as he loved Bobby, he hated that he had thought himself so far along, only to be dropped right back down to nearly square one.

"Good evening, sir. Last name?" the receptionist asked, briskly, papers shuffling on the wooden desk.

"Um, I don't have an appointment, but could you just tell Bobby I'm here, please?" he asked, running a hand roughly through his hair.

 

He could tell from the little noise she made what her answer would be before she ever spoke it. "I'm sorry, sir, but if you don't have an appointment I can't help you," she replied then, still sounding bright. He vaguely wondered why receptionists sounded cheery even when giving denials and bad news.

He also felt his careful facade of composure start to crack. He'd spent over an hour trying to gain his composure enough to even go out in public, and he knew he must look like shit anyway: eyes red and swollen, probably, makeup smeared everywhere.

Tears threatened to well up again, and he brutally choked down the uprising-- he wouldn't break down, not here, in front of a stranger.

"Just please, tell her it's Adam Lambert, she'll--" he started, voice aggravated and rough, but he was cut off by a familiar voice, and the click of what were undoubtedly sensible pumps across the hardwood flooring.

"Adam?" Bobby said, questioningly, a soft hand laying on his shoulder.

"Bobby," Adam replied, wincing at the shaking relief he could hear in his own voice. "Do you have time to talk? I mean, it's alright if--"

"Of course," Bobby promptly replied, "My next appointment isn't for another forty-five minutes. Come with me."

He heard her click away from him, towards the small room in which she worked with her clients.

"By the way, Alice," she said, apparently addressing the new receptionist, "Adam never needs an appointment. Just tell me he's here and I'll fit him in."

Alice replied with a slightly less-perky response, sounding a little perplexed. She apparently didn't pick up on how close he and Bobby really were, despite Bobby's flawlessly professional attitude at work.

When they reached their destination, Adam set his cane against the wall as the door clicked quietly shut behind him, and he sunk down onto the familiar, softly textured couch on which he had spent so many hours over the past two years, crying and despairing and reflecting and making progress. Progress that he may have just demolished, all with one simple word.

Tears spilled over as his feelings of shame and horror accosted him again, and he dropped his head into his hands, shoulders shaking. Bobby set a small box of tissues gently into his lap, but he savagely swiped them away. He deserved no comfort, nothing to dull what he had done. Did he not deserve the pain?

She gave him a few moments, then softly asked him, "What has got you upset, Adam?"

Shame burned in his chest and words stuck in his throat; he didn't want to tell her, didn't want to further acknowledge the unforgivable thing he had done at such an intimate moment... but Bobby had never failed him before, had never judged him, and he trusted her as much, if not more, than anyone else in this world.

"I... Kris..." he mumbled, slowly, "We went out clubbing, and I... I called him Brad. At the worst... possible moment."

His heart clenched as he was again reminded of sound of Kris' voice as he left... as if Adam had shattered him. "You should have heard his voice... I hurt him so bad. I just keep... hurting him..."

"Why do you think that happened?" Bobby asked, and Adam's fingers convulsed in his hair.

"I don't know!" he near-shouted, voice breaking in a sob, and Bobby gently pressed him, "...You do know, Adam."

Bobby had never given him easy answers-- she guided him towards realizing and acknowledging things for himself, then pointed him down the path to fixing those things once he had. However, just this once, Adam wished she would just tell him what to do, how to fix it... but he knew, somewhere within him, that that wouldn't help him one bit.

The words felt like rocks being forced from his throut. "He... reminds me so much, sometimes," Adam said, voice barely a whisper. "You know that, I told you. I thought I could... handle it. I don't look at him like he's some copy of Brad, but... things get confused and... resurface."

"Why do you think reminders of Brad can bring everything back so easily like that?" she asked, and again offered him the tissues. This time he took them.

"Because I loved him," he near-whispered, and Bobby replied, a moment later, "Deeper."

This was a code, of sorts-- it meant he was only skimming the upper levels of an issue, and needed to reach down to the base of them.

He knew what the true answer was, the one Bobby was pressing him for. "Because I haven't... put his memory to rest."

A warm hand patted his knee, pleased with his realization, but Adam felt no better, a tissue shredding between his fingers. "It's not much of an accomplishment, realizing that... because I don't know what to do. I'm so messed up... I just keep hurting him. Kris. I feel like I'm stuck in some limbo between the past and present, and he doesn't deserve... to be hurt the way I've been hurting him. But I don't want to... let him go. I can't."

"First of all," she replied, firmly, "You aren't 'messed up', Adam. You've just had to live through some awful experiences, and have had to deal with them every day."

She paused for a moment. "Now, as for what to do about Kris, I can hear how much you care about him in your voice. I can also pretty solidly tell you that he feels exactly the same, from what I've seen and what you've told me."

The only sound in the room, for a moment, was the creak of Bobby's armchair as she shifted forward. "Knowing that, put yourself in Kris' shoes for a moment. The man you care deeply about is going through something huge in his life, and you are central to it-- but you don't know how, or why. You're hurting and confused, you want to help him however you can, but you don't know how."

They sat in silence for a minute, tears clinging delicately to Adam's cheeks, as she waited for him to pull a conclusion out of those thoughts. He did recognize that Kris was mostly in the dark about what had been, and still was, going on. He also knew he had been hurt by his rushing into things too quickly, then calling him by a past lover's name.

He shuddered, the fingers clenched in his lap laying in the debris of a shredded tissue. Kris must feel like he was just being used as some cheap substitute for another man.

He realized, then, what Bobby was trying to get him to understand-- that to balance this relationship, to make success with this man a possibility, Kris had to know the truth behind Adam's mistakes and remembrances. He had to know that Adam wanted him for him, but still wasn't free of his past. All the cards would have to be laid out on the table, all facades disposed of. He would have to make himself as vulnerable to Kris as he had ever been to any other human being on this earth.

"...I don't know if I can," he choked, fingers trembling. "I don't know if I can tell him everything like that. But... but he'll leave me if I don't, I know that. And that would... break me, even more."

"It doesn't have to be all at once, Adam," Bobby reminded him, kindly. "You shouldn't pile too much on your shoulders at one time, as you've learned from this experience. But, learning to face what happened in the past, and putting it to rest, is the only way to move on into the future."

Adam nodded, shaken and unsure, but housing somewhere, deep in his chest, a small, hard seed of resolution.

He would do it, no matter how long it might take. He would start that journey, and, this time, he would see it through to the finish line.

~

Kris, caught in a tug-of-war between bruising, gasping sadness and furious betrayal, didn't answer his cellphone when it rang the next morning. His eyes stung as he looked away from the caller ID, letting it go through to voicemail.

He wondered, vaguely, if he would even be able to listen to the message.

He couldn't have put his roiling emotions into words at that point to save his life-- it was as if a huge, awful two-headed monster had infiltrated his chest and was tearing apart his insides.

The first head would have been the heart-clenching feeling that had left him sobbing for hours after he had fled: the feeling of abandonment, the feeling that assured him he had no real place in Adam's heart, that he was only a cheap insulator to fill the hole another man had left.

He cared for Adam more than he had cared for any man before, he knew that... and he did know, somewhere within him, that Adam cared for him as well. But that certainty was brutally blotted out, negated by the previous night's happenings-- Kris had wanted him so badly, had only wanted to make him happy, and it hadn't even been he Adam had been thinking of as they touched.

The second head warring for dominance was a smoldering mess of jealousy, anger, betrayal. Adam had been clear on the fact that he wanted him, only to call him by the name of a lover that had been dead for two years as they progressed to making love. He knew it was awful to be jealous, bitter of a man that had already left this earth, but something within him resented the hold Brad still had over Adam, that it should overshadow what they had. Did he, Kris, really mean so little to Adam?

His phone beeped in his lap as these thoughts skittered through his mind, signaling a voicemail. He flipped the phone open, staring at the alert, thumb hovering over the 'delete' button.

He sighed, however, and his finger ended up coming down on the call button as he bit his lip, heart pounding a hectic rhythm in his chest.

"Kris," the message began, and just like that, with that small bundle of sound, the fissure in his heart cracked open. The voice of the man speaking was cracked, exhausted, sorrowful beyond comparison, and hearing it, Kris both wanted to kiss it's owner and run away so he would never have to hear it again.

"...I'm not going to pretend there's anything I can say to make what I did okay, and... I won't blame you if you delete this now and never come back. Th-that's... what I would have done if I were you. Just know... there's so many things you need to hear, face to face, to understand... why I keep hurting you like this."

His voice broke. "I'll try my hardest to... tell you what I need to, what you deserve to know. I don't... expect you to believe me when I say I care for you so, so much already, and that I want to make a life with you... but that's the truth, clean and simple."

The line was silent for a few moments as he steadied himself once again. "I know I don't deserve a second chance after all that I've done, calling you that, keeping you in the dark about the things you have a right to know about as a lover... but I'm asking for just this one last chance, to tell you what I should have already. I'll only... ask for this one last chance."

Kris let the phone drop to the couch cushion as the message ended, roughly wiping tears away from his eyes.

He sat there for a long time, mind tugging him in a million different directions, before he slowly stood.

Despite all that he felt, anger and wounds... despite the fact that this thing they had may not be salvageable... his heart tugged him to one place and one place only, and never really allowed him the option of running.

Kris grabbed his car keys and opened the door, stepping out into the sunshine of a warm Los Angeles morning.


	8. Chapter 8

Kris leaned against the wall beside Adam's front door, feeling like he had just run into a brick wall at high speed. All the tangled nerves, all the heart-pounding suspense... and Adam wasn't even here. He couldn't quite decide if that was a blessing or a curse, as he lay his throbbing head against the paneling behind him.

After so abruptly being drained of the tense anticipation he had previously housed, he was left exhausted, and he tiredly closed his eyes, face slack. He really needed a nap, or an Aspirin or something.

He was just beginning to consider what he should do-- Should he wait for him? Or leave? But then would he think he wasn't going to come at all? -- when the door that entered into the complex's font hallway clicked open, and two figures came in.

The first was a small dark-haired woman that Kris recognized immediately. Leila Lambert's eyes widened as she turned her face and noticed him leaning there, quickly glancing back at the man moving in through the door behind her.

Adam looked completely drained, his eyes heavily lidded, face drawn. He was walking slowly, as if every step pained him. He looked like a man that had had everything he'd ever wanted taken from him.

Kris' breath involuntarily hitched at the sight of him, and Adam stopped dead, hearing him, a hundred different emotions flashing across his beautiful face. "Kris?"

"...Yeah," Kris confirmed, quietly, looking quickly at Adam's mother. "If this is a bad time or whatever, I can leave and come back--"

"No, Kris," Adam said, raising a hand in a denial, voice nearly frantic at that suggestion, as if he were a wild animal that might flee at any time.

That action seeped into his brain slowly, shining a light of doubt on that voice that told him that Adam didn't really want him around, didn't care about him at all.

He bit his lip. He couldn't let that one little act send him falling back into Adam's arms, even if that was what his heart was screaming at him to do-- He needed an explanation, dammit, he deserved one after what had happened, and he would have one before he would consider anything regarding his lover.

"No, it's fine," Adam repeated, turning towards his mother. "We'll do dinner another time, Mom, okay? I'm sorry, I need to talk to Kris."

Leila agreed, and Kris could tell from her expression that she knew what had happened on some level, even if she hadn't been told the details by Adam. Motherly instinct was a force to be reckoned with, sometimes.

"Of course, honey. No problem. See you sometime next week," she said, smiling and raising up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. The door clicked behind her as she left, after glancing back at them once more, worry clear on her face.

Silence followed her exit, a dense, heavy blanket of it, as both men stood motionless on opposite sides of the hallway.

Adam finally blinked hard and moved towards his apartment's door, pulling his house key out of his pocket and slipping it into the lock with slightly shaky fingers.

"Come in," he invited, voice barely a whisper, before entering and sitting on the couch, hands clenched in his lap. Kris followed, closing the door behind him, and, after a moment of debate, taking a seat in the armchair across from Adam.

"....Kris...." Adam started, eyes shining wetly, even as he made a visible effort not to break down, "I know an apology isn't nearly enough... a lifetime of apologies wouldn't be enough, in my book. But, still... I can't tell you... how sorry I am. I know now what a mistake I made by keeping you in the dark for so long... What happened last night was just the culmination of that avoidance, really. I never meant to hurt you... but I did. And you didn't deserve that."

"No, I didn't," Kris quietly agreed, and Adam bit his lip, a tear slowly sliding down his cheek. Kris wouldn't be cruel towards the other man with his words, but he knew he would need to be honest, if they were to accomplish anything here.

"I really just need to know how you feel about me... what you want from me, I guess. What you want to have with me. I just need to understand this entire mangled situation, before I can judge you or this relationship or anything," Kris continued, earnestly, and Adam nodded understandingly, biting his full bottom lip between his teeth.

"I get that, Kris. And I'm serious about... telling you my story." His voice dropped to a fragile, quietly honest murmur as he continued. "Because the very last thing I want to do is... lose you."

His visibly steeled himself, then, a serious, determined resolve taking over his features and setting his broad shoulders. "And I mean the whole story. But I... I need your help."

"How?" Kris simply asked, gazing at the man across from him. His heart ached with feelings that couldn't just be erased, but he would listen, and help in any way he could. He acknowledged the fact that his heart was so deeply twined to Adam already that there was no other option, even if Kris had wanted one.

"There's the possibility that... I might have another flashback," Adam replied, face twisting into a pained grimace as he contemplated that thought. "One thing I always did to stop them, when they started getting weaker a while after the accident, was using a method of grounding-- using an object that evokes a strong sense reaction to keep me grounded in the present, and help me draw away from any illusion a flashback might introduce."

He gestured towards the coffee table between them, and Kris, for the first time, noticed the plate of lemon slices sitting upon it. They looked oddly out of place.

"If I start acting like I did before my last one," Adam explained, "You have to give me one of these. The taste is obviously pretty dramatic-- they'll help, most likely, to keep me from slipping all the way. These were a method that worked really well... before."

"Okay," Kris agreed, filing all that information away for later use. "I understand."

"Okay," Adam repeated, breathing deeply across from him and roughly raking a hand through his hair, obviously trying to calm himself. Kris watched as the other man's fingers curled into fists, his baby-blue, clouded eyes opening a few moment's later as he began to speak, memories of the past coming forth in a flood from his lips.

~

Adam cast his mind hesitantly back into the memories of the past he had so carefully locked away, braced for anything. He supposed the story he was going to tell should begin with when he had met Brad, and that was... at Cassidy's party, three years before...

"Well, I guess it begins with when... I met Brad at one of my friend's Halloween parties, five years ago," he began, voice tripping across his past-lover's name. "He... We were both dressed up, obviously, a peacock and a go-go dancer or something... but the one thing I really remember is, despite all the glitz and sparkle, how real he was. I... I immediately wanted him."

Adam cleared his throat, trying to calm his pounding heart. He wondered, dimly, if it was a good idea to be telling Kris these details about Brad, when Adam couldn't even gauge his reaction. He plowed on, though-- he had promised the entire story, and he would tell it.

"We were soon together. It was like nothing I'd ever had previously-- I'd been big on quick relationships and hook-ups before, but suddenly I didn't want any of that anymore. His parents loved me and mine loved him... everything fell into place so easily. We would fight one moment, then be laughing and making up a few hours later, wondering why we had been fighting in the first place. "

He paused, trying to think how to put Brad's unique light into words. "Brad always seemed kind of... careless and flippant on the surface, but he had a huge heart and really deep thoughts, if you could pry them out of him. He was always behind me with my music and choices, no matter how tight the money might be month to month."

Adam was surprised at how easy talking about the good times with Brad were-- he wanted to stay focused on them, wanted to bask in the warm memories that he had locked away with the dark ones... but he could not.

He felt his body begin to shake as his mind continued to scroll through the timeline of events, heart clenching sickly as he remembered what came next, what had made him want to rip out his heart after Brad had died, because he was sure, at that point, that he would never give it to anyone else again.

Tears pooled and spilled over, hot tracks of moisture sliding down his cheeks, his fingernails biting into the flesh of his palms. The words that came next were like hot coals being piled upon his heart, burning him slowly, just like they had before.

"Th-the night of the accident... w-was the night I decided I would propose to him."

Adam heard Kris' sharp intake of breath at those words, could imagine the look on his face, and he shook with helpless sobs, words choking out relentlessly.

"Going h-home from the show that night... I was so happy. I had a career that had just begun to really pick up... a man I hoped would marry me... and then... a drunk driver... g-going the wrong way.."

A moan passed his lips as he curled into himself protectively, the memories rushing up towards him-- The SUV looming up in front of his vision, headlights blinding and rapidly enlarging as it beared down, crushing, unstoppable-- at mach speed, and he struggled to keep his hold on reality.

He didn't hear the crash as Kris tripped on the coffee table in his haste to get over it, but the sour, abrupt taste of lemon flooding his mouth cut through the haze of his memories, and he dimly registered his name being said, urgently, over and over.

He hooked onto the taste and the sound, hauling himself painfully away from the images that held onto him like briars to clothing, and finally broke away from them, becoming aware of the hands framing his face, and his own gasping, sobbing breaths.

"Adam, Adam, shh, it's okay, you're fine," Kris was saying, and Adam clenched his fingers into the other man's biceps, choking back his sobs of distress as he resurfaced. He was okay. He was with Kris.

"....Thank you," Adam finally murmured, a minute later, and he buried his face into Kris' neck, despite the sensible part of him that was saying that things were far from worked out.

Kris didn't shy away from his touch, at any rate, only wrapped his toned arms around Adam's shoulders, murmuring soothingly into his ear, voice tinged with a warm pride. "You did it. You stopped it, Adam."

"Because of you," the dark-haired man pointed out, mouth still sour with the taste of lemon juice, but that thought was what gave him the strength to quiet the last of his hitching, uneven half-sobs, and release his death-grip on Kris. He had beaten it, he thought, this time.

"We can stop now, Adam, if you want, and finish talking another time," Kris offered, despite his still-unanswered questions, but Adam shook his head, wiping tears from his eyes with the back of a hand. "No. I just... need a few minute's break."

"Sure," Kris agreed, and Adam sighed, leaning back against the soft leather of the couch and closing his eyes for a moment.

He felt utterly exhausted, as if all of his limbs had been turned to rubber. He wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep, but he had to finish... explaining...

~

Some time later, Kris watched as Adam's eyes fluttered slowly open, thick with sleep. He'd dozed off a while ago, and Kris had let him sleep, thinking he well deserved a nap.

Adam had been so brave, telling him like that, and fighting out of his flashback. This was the first time, Kris thought, that he'd had a full appreciation of just how courageous a man Adam was.

His feelings about hearing Adam talk about Brad in such an intimate light were, unsurprisingly, mixed. When he'd spoken of his first encounter with Brad, a heartbreakingly tender whisper of a smile had played across his lips, one that bespoke of gentle love. It was impossible to be outright bitter of a man whom Adam spoke of with such affection, but, at the same time, a part of Kris couldn't help wishing that that smile was directed at him, and that their relationship could be the focus of Adam's mind.

Those warring feelings, while the monster had been temporarily pushed aside by concern, were certainly not gone or silent.

"...Kris?" Adam asked groggily, a few seconds later, slowly sitting upright again. "Shit, I fell asleep. I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"It's fine, Adam," Kris assured him, as the other man ran a hand through his hair, the fogginess of sleep slowly clearing from his face. "You deserved the rest."

"Thank you," Adam said, and bit his lip, hands clasped in his lap. "I guess... now is the time to tell you about how this all ties together," he finally murmured. "That night, it was like..."

He trailed off, dropping his head into his hands. "It's going to sound like I'm making excuses, but... I stayed present, was thinking only of you, until we got back here. Then, my memories of Brad sort of... threw a veil over my eyes, so stealthily I didn't even realize it had happened. That's... why I said that, on one level. I was never pretending or using you as Brad... I p-promise you that. I've never been so horrified as after I realized what I had called you."

He paused. "I know... that doesn't explain very much... and the baseline, underlying reason behind is what really caused it, what's let everything loose."

He trailed off, sitting still for a moment, visibly debating, before fumbling for his wallet in his back pocket and pulling something out of it, offering the waxy paper to Kris with trembling fingers.

Kris took the offering silently, looking down at the photograph in his hands, the top-left corner folded down for Adam to indentify it by.

The picture showed a slight, fine-featured man with a dazzling smile, laughing happily. His jaw line was a sharp, strong cut, his eyes and hair a soft shade of brown, a familiar shade of brown... and with a sudden flash of realization, the pieces abruptly fell into place in Kris' mind.

Adam continued, voice weakened to a near-whisper, before Kris, shocked as he was, could say anything at all.

"I'm sure you can predict what I'm going to say now. The reason that even happened at all, the reason my past has come back so easily lately is because... I haven't put Brad's memory to rest, yet, and you... remind me so much... of him. You always have, from the first day I met you. That's... what triggered my first flashback that night; touching your face, realizing how much you look like him. You... You have so many differences, and I swear on everything I've ever loved that the similarities aren't why I care about you like I do. It's... that's just you."

Adam paused for a long moment, breathing uneven. "Y-You came into my life... like a walking reminder of everything I'd worked so hard to lock away. But I... I started falling in l-love with you anyway. And that's it, Kris, that's all I can say to make this any better. If you can believe me, after everything I've done to hurt you... I'm falling in love with you, Kris Allen."

~


	9. Chapter 9

Kris' lips parted in silent surprise as he gazed over at Adam, his eyes the wide, shocked brown orbs of a frozen deer. Every muscle in his body seemed to have locked tight, leaving him immobile and foggy, brain slowly pushing through the words Adam had said. That was truthfully the last thing he had expected to fall from the dark-haired man's lips, and it had caught him fully off-guard, leaving him with no clue as to how he should react, or even what it was that he was feeling.

"...Kris? Please say something," Adam said, fretfully, eyes wide and almost afraid, his hands twisting nervously in his lap. "Please."

"You... love me?" Kris repeated, slowly, the words feeling foreign on his tongue. "You're serious about this, Adam?"

Adam dropped his eyelashes, then, replying, voice a sincere murmur, "I am."

Those two words, and all that they confirmed, slowly sunk into Kris' consciousness, letting a hundred different emotions seep into his heart. Adam _loved _him, one part of him rejoiced... he did care. He _did_ want him. But, the darker corner of him countered, did Kris really believe that, did he really trust him when he said that? _Could _he, after all that he'd done?

"I... don't know what to say, truthfully..." Kris replied, choosing his words carefully, slowly. "I... I can't replace Brad for you, Adam. I don't want to be just a... a copy, or a filler. I couldn't... stand that. I want to be with you too, I know that with all my heart... but I can't... fill the hole another man left."

"I know, baby, I know," Adam said, raising his face, expression honest and open: softly, almost childishly, vulnerable. "I don't... want you to try and be that. I don't love you because you remind me, that's not even a part of it. It's just... you. Sweet, gentle, beautiful, amazing you. You break me apart and hold me together and make life worth living all at once, and when I think of losing you, my heart breaks."

Kris didn't reply, letting the meaning of those words radiate throughout his body, a soft, warm buzz of electricity alighting his veins. He could hear the stripped-bare honesty in Adam's voice, and he knew that, in that moment, the façade Adam had erected so tiredly had finally been cast away, one hundred percent. _This _Adam was imperfect, vulnerable, sweet, almost painfully real... and _his._

 "Please, Kris," Adam asked, voice soft, hesitantly holding his hand out, palm facing upwards. "I know I don't have the right to ask anything from you after putting you through what I have, but... Give me this one last chance, please. Let me... let me show you."

Kris opened his lips only to find that he couldn't speak at all, the lump in his throat locking away his words, and Adam's expression faltered into uncertain distraught, his hand beginning to sink.

Before it could return to Adam's lap, however, Kris was over the coffee table for the second time that morning, clasping the other man's black-tipped fingers between his own, gently.

"...Okay, Adam," Kris quietly agreed, a moment later, voice glowing with something tender and warm. "We'll... we'll try again."

He looked up at the gorgeous man sitting beside him from under his long lashes, bringing Adam's hand to his lips, brushing his lips over his freckled knuckles. "Besides... I told you... that I'd never leave."

Adam's eyes sparkled with tears, even as a smile spread across his lips in a joyous passage of emotion, and he reached out, wrapping Kris into his arms and burying his face into the curve of his neck. Nothing needed to be said, and neither had the words, anyway.

All that Kris could do was curl his fingers into the dark softness of Adam's hair and stretch up to meet his lips, pouring every swirling emotion housed within his chest into the joining of their mouths.

The kiss lingered sweetly, as Adam's hands curled softly around the angles of the other man's shoulder blades, pulling him closer-- and Kris realized, for the first time, how seamlessly their lips molded together: as if they had been formed from the same flesh.

Adam's mouth was a velvet-soft pressure as they discovered each other once again, in a new light, his lips gently clinging, like he would never let him go... like he would keep Kris wrapped in the warm love of his embrace until everything was forgotten, until time ceased to exist at all.  
   
~

"I told him, Bobby," Adam giddily told his therapist at their next meeting, voice glowing with pride. "All of it. We're... we're okay, now."

"Oh, and the lemons worked," he added, as an afterthought. "I started to slip into a flashback, and Kris gave me one... and they stopped it."

"_They _didn't stop it, sweetheart," Bobby reminded him, patting his knee. "_You _did. Grounding methods are merely a tool." She sounded just as proud of him as a mother watching her child take his first steps-- and, in a way, it was exactly like that.

"I know... but they sure helped," Adam replied, squeezing her hand for a moment before she withdrew it.

His blindingly bright smile faltered a moment later, however, as he leaned back against the sofa, his face falling as something came to mind, something that had been prodding at his joyful heart like a poisoned needle.

"...But, Bobby, when I... when I told Kris I loved him, he didn't, didn't say..." he said slowly, trailing off and biting his lip.

"Didn't say it back?" Bobby finished, her voice understanding, and Adam murmured a confirmation, the uncertainty that had been plaguing him since then creeping into his mind.

"That's okay, Adam," she assured him as she sensed his distress, her skirt rustling faintly as she crossed her legs. "That doesn't mean that you're not special to him, or not worth his love. It simply means that Kris is just as human as anyone else-- This has been a trying time for him as well, I'm sure. And, while I can't speak for him, if I were in his position, I would need a while to sort out my emotions before I would feel whole-heartedly comfortable saying something like that."

Adam slowly nodded slowly, fears marginally abated as he absorbed those words. Bobby had hit it right on the head, as she often did, about what he had been feeling-- That maybe Kris had finally realized how messed up he was, how undeserving of his love he was... and hadn't said it because he didn't _feel_ it.

Relief was a palpable aura around him, however, as he reflected on Bobby's words, realizing that she was almost certainly right.-- he probably just needed some time, and Adam knew he would wait for Kris forever, if he had to.

"You're probably right," Adam agreed, wiping a lone tear away as it tried to carve a path down his face. "I'm sorry. It's just, I.. I was afraid that I'd already hurt him too much, that he wouldn't... wouldn't ever love me like I do him."

"There's no need to be sorry, Adam," Bobby said, voice kind. "It's normal to be insecure when you make yourself vulnerable like that, and the sentiment isn't immediately returned. But remember, it doesn't automatically mean that he doesn't, or won't, care for you like that. Just give it some time, Adam, and enjoy being with him. Worrying over it won't help anything."

Adam nodded in agreement, drawing strength from the part within him that knew for a fact that Kris cared deeply for him. He wouldn't freak out over it. He wanted to be with Kris, and he would let him adjust, pressure free, for as long as he needed.

"Okay, Bobby. Thank you, I really needed to hear all that," he said, then paused, thinking. 

"There's something else, though. I really want to get more involved in _his _life... I kind of feel like everything has been centered around me so far. But I haven't done this in so long, so I really don't know how to... to go about it."

"I think that's a very good idea, Adam," Bobby said, pleased with his thoughts. "Relationships have to be a system of balanced give-and-take, and I'm so glad you realize that." She paused, thoughtfully. "Little things go a long way, Adam. What could you do to get to know more about him, do you think?"

Adam expected the question to be turned back on him, as it usually was, and he cast his mind around to the little ideas that had been formulating in his mind as he spent time with Kris. "I was thinking that I could... take him to dinner, maybe, somewhere nice. We could talk more there."

"That's a really good start," Bobby agreed, encouragingly. "I'm sure he'd love that."

"...Then, maybe, if he wanted, we could go to his place... I've never been there. I know he plays guitar and piano... I would love to hear him play," he continued. A tender smile curved his lips as he remembered Kris telling him about his music, and how utterly, completely happy he sounded as he spoke of it. Adam had been like that, at one time.

"Sounds like you have it all planned out to me, honey," Bobby said, a smile in her voice. "I hope it goes well for you two."

"Me too," Adam agreed, smiling to himself before standing. "Well, it's probably time for me to get going. Thank you so much, Bobby."

"No problem, Adam," she said, breath ghosting over his ear as they hugged. "I think your triumphs make me almost as happy as they make you."

Adam smiled warmly, and a bit mischievously, leaning in to give her a very unprofessional, sloppy kiss on the cheek.

She laughed, surprised, and Adam grabbed his cane, hustling out the door before she could swat him.

~  
   
Kris walked into Adam's apartment the next day at dinner time to find him sitting on the couch, shoes on, looking gorgeous. He'd put on a blue patterned shirt that was unbuttoned to his collarbones, accented by several chains and necklaces, and black skinny jeans that hugged his muscular thighs. His eyes were darkly rimmed with eyeliner, his hair a soft cascade of black framing his cheek.

Kris smiled and leaned against the door frame, looking over at him. "Mmm. Did you dress up just for me?"

"I thought I'd take you out to dinner, baby," Adam smiled, standing up and moving towards the door, grabbing his cane along the way. "What do you think?"

Kris smiled brightly, replying "That sounds great. Where were you thinking?"

"I know this great place downtown," Adam said, reaching out for Kris as he turned towards the door, pulling him backwards against his chest and nuzzling at his ear. Kris waited for him to continue, but he said nothing, only rubbed his nose against Kris' neck, inhaling his scent.

"...We can't go if you're trapping me," Kris laughed, but made no move to free himself from Adam's embrace-- he loved those strong, freckled arms wrapped around him.

"I know," Adam said, smiling into his neck, and Kris craned his head around to reach his mouth, pulling a long, sweet kiss from Adam's lips.

The other man sighed contendly, letting him go with another quick kiss and opening the door.

As they walked out to the car, Kris looked over to his beautiful lover, warmth spreading throughout his body. He was beginning to realize what that all-encompassing, soft warmth meant... but, after the rapid-fire events of late, he was hesitant to put his feelings into words. He needed a while to just cool down, he told himself, to immerse himself in his life with Adam and figure out once and for all where this was going to go, and how he felt about it.

Twenty minutes later, they were seated in the large, stone-paved open courtyard of Cafe Monsoon, Kris looking over the menu while Adam leaned back and listened to the soft music of the band playing, a contented smile curving his lips.

Kris looked up at Adam as something ocurred to him, although he wasn't sure if he should voice his question, afraid of being construed as rude.

"I'm sorry if this sounds rude, baby, but how do you know...?" he asked, hesitantly, and Adam, as he had a knack for doing, realized what he meant.

"This is one of the few places around that has Braille menus available... but I always get the same thing, anyway," he chuckled, smiling and brushing their knees together under the table. "My mom and I come here a lot after my class. And... don't be afraid to ask me things, Kris. I know this is new for you-- I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

Kris smiled and leaned across the table for a kiss, taking Adam's hand on the table as their waiter approached.

"Are you ready to order, gentlemen?" he asked, distaste showing half-hidden in his expression, his mouth twisted into a flat line. Kris was momentarily confused at his unwelcoming demeanor, until he put two and two together.

"Yes," Kris said, unashamedly squeezing Adam's hand. "I'll have an iced tea, and the Teriyaki grilled salmon. Baby?"

"The mango chicken, and a water," Adam said, leaning across the table again to kiss him as the waiter scurried away. He pulled away a moment later, smirking in amusement. "That made him leave pretty fast."

"Well, at least we're on the same page about how to deal with those kinds of people," Kris grinned, sipping the drink the waiter hurriedly delivered. "So... what made you decide to take me out?"

Adam didn't reply for a moment, stirring the lemon around in his water idly, looking almost bashful. "Well... I've been thinking, I don't know all that much about _your _life... and I thought this would be a good chance to get more involved."

Kris smiled brightly, touched by the sentiment. His heart swelled at the thought that Adam cared that much about him already, to go out of his way to understand him more deeply.

"Aw, thank you, baby. That's really sweet of you. What do you want to know?"

"Well... Why don't you tell me how you ended up in L.A., to start off? I can tell by that sweet twang of yours that you certainly weren't born here," Adam teased, ignoring their waiter as he dropped off their food.

"Got me," Kris smiled, taking a bite of his salmon and nearly swooning. "Oh my god, this is amazing," he gushed, chewing in bliss for a long moment.

"Ahemm. Anyway. I was born in Jacksonville, Arkansas, and raised in Conway. My mom and Dad-- Kim and Neil-- fought to keep me nearby when I told them I'd decided to move to L.A.... They had the idea that I'd get devoured in the big city, or something," he said, chuckling. "I moved for several reasons, really... One was to get my nursing degree at California State. I'd known for a long time that that's what I wanted to do, to help people like that."

He paused to eat a few more bites as Adam looked on, seeming genuinely interested in his normal (and relatively boring, in Kris' opinion,) past.

"I also thought I'd come and try to do something with my music. I'd taught myself to play guitar and piano at a young age, and wanted to take it a step further at that point."

He faltered, then, biting his lip as bad memories associated with the final reason arose in his mind. "I also really just wanted an escape. The area that I grew up in isn't always the most pleasant, open place to live as a gay man. At first, when... when I came out to my parents, they totally freaked. I'd broken up with my girlfriend, Katy, after I realized, and in their minds that was the worst thing I could possibly do-- they had envisioned for me a future involving a pretty wife, two-point-five children, a white picket fence, you know. They were shocked, to say the least, when I told them that that wasn't going to happen."

Adam reached across the table, squeezing the hand Kris gave him, sympathetic to his boyfriend's pain. "Are they okay with it now?"

"Yeah, they've come to terms with it now," Kris said, after a short pause. "I think they were just caught off-guard at first. ...What about your parents? I mean, from meeting Leila, I can obviously see that she's fine with it. She adores you."

"Yeah, her and Eber have always been progressive thinkers," the other man agreed, impaling a piece of chicken on his fork. "They knew I was gay before I did, actually."

"Figures, my fabulous man," Kris teased, and Adam laughed, saying, a moment later, "...You said your father's name is Neil? That's my brother's name, too."

"Oh, wow, you have a brother?" Kris asked, laughing as he continued, "I don't know why I'm so surprised about that... I suppose I just can't imagine another man like you running around."

Adam choked into his drink, snorting in laughter. "God, Neil would kill you if he heard you say that. We're really not very alike at all. He's naturally dark-haired, the lucky bastard, unlike me... Straight as an arrow, too. Personality-wise, he's always been a bit hard to describe... he's certainly more cynical than me. He writes a lot; he's actually really hilarious."

"He sounds like a fun guy," Kris said, truthfully, a small smile curving his full lips. "I hope I get to meet him one day."

"I'm sure you will, baby," Adam smiled in return, eyes crinkling happily, and Kris continued, "My brother, Daniel, is a really cool, laid-back dude most of the time. He's the kind of guy everyone want to hang out with."

"Sounds like you," Adam mused, thoughtfully sipping his water. "...Although I'm sure he's not nearly as gorgeous."

Their waiter returned just as Kris let loose a laugh in response, offering them their check.

"Would you mind reading it, sir?" Adam asked, despite the fact that Kris could have, half-smiling as he deliberately snaked his leg around Kris' under the table, well in view of the waiter.

The man quickly read off the costs, voice tight, before taking the folded cash Adam offered him. He walked away without pause, then, wishing them good evening in a clipped tone.

"...You're so bad," Kris laughed into his ear as they exited, leaving behind a tip small enough to get their point across, and Adam grinned, acknowledging the fact.

Once they had settled into the car, Kris turned himself towards Adam, laying a hand on his thigh. "Thank you for dinner, baby. It was wonderful."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Adam smiled, leaning over the consul between them and sharing a warm, lingering kiss with his boyfriend.

"...I was thinking, baby, that I'd like to visit your place... If you'd be okay with that," Adam said a moment after they parted, as Kris started the car.

"Sure, Adam, of course I'd like that," Kris grinned in reply, looking over at his boy and kissing his soft, full bow lips again as he pulled out, turning towards his apartment.

~

Adam was ushered in Kris' apartment half an hour later, and the first thing he noticed was how very much like _Kris _it smelled: that warm, inviting scent Adam sometimes found himself wanting to drown in.

"...It's relatively small," Kris said, shutting the door behind them, "but it's all the space I need. I even fit in my little upright piano. Luckily the ceiling is concrete, and the person above me is an elderly woman who loves classical music, so I don't often get noise complaints."

"What's it look like?" Adam asked, and Kris laughed, replying "Completely mismatched. My furniture is mostly things from my college days, or random items I've picked up over the years. The kitchen is off to the left and the bedroom and bathroom are off a little hallway in the back."

"Mmm," Adam said, as Kris' footsteps approached, and his boy snuggled into his arms, head on his chest. "Will you play me something, baby?"

"Sure," Kris replied, voice warm. "The piano's over here." 

Kris led him over by the hand to the piano, and Adam took a seat next to him on the padded piano bench, running his fingers lightly along the smooth, glossy wood of the piano.

"What would you like to hear?" Kris asked, shifting on the bench, and Adam smiled, replying "Whatever you want to play for me."

All was silent for a few moments as Kris thought, before a slow, romantic melody began to resonate throughout the room. Adam closed his eyes, a small smile curving his lips as he listened to the sweet notes that Kris' fingers coaxed from the keys of his instrument. He could imagine those nimble, delicate fingers gliding across the keys, like a bird taking flight, the hopeful ringing high notes woven in with and accented by slow, dreamily thoughtful low notes.

The music eventually drew to a slow, gentle end, and Adam smiled, hugging the man next to him.

"That was beautiful," Adam murmured into his hair, basking in the soft, sensual mood that the music had alighted within the room, and Kris leaned up to softly kiss him, tongue slowly parting his lips.

They remained entwined for a long, breathless minute, lips clinging and tasting in a unhurried, graceful dance, Kris' hands eventually slipping up under Adam's shirt to rest on the smooth, warm skin of his back.

Adam's hands hovered gently at Kris' chest as they parted, Kris' breaths slightly heavy, and Adam could imagine him, his soft, full lips parted below him in something warm and inviting. He knew what he was thinking.

He trailed his hand down the other man's chest, running a finger slowly along the skin just above the waistband of his jeans. "Soon, baby," Adam murmured, nuzzling into his neck and pressing a kiss there. "Soon. I just need to be sure... that I'll stay present with you. Then, it will be amazing."

"It will be," Kris smiled, thumb stroking his jaw line, and Adam drew him closer again, taking his lips.


	10. Chapter 10

Adam got off the city bus with his eyebrows set into an uncertain line, wondering if this was as good of an idea as it had seemed to be at first. Matt had certainly sounded receptive over the phone, and had said that he could stop by anytime to talk about it, but still...

He knew he had no reason to doubt the talent for performing he had been displaying since he had learned to walk-- But it had been so long, and he didn't know what going into it blind might alter. It was uncertain territory, riddled with the memories of past successes and failures.

He wanted to do it, though. He knew that much. Something had reawakened in him, something that had become dormant after the accident, a far away, sweet memory: that ache, the ache that had driven him through his life... the one that only a microphone and a melody could cure. His quest for further independence had helped rekindle that flame, he was sure... but he was also aware that Kris had more than a little to do with it as well. His boy's natural light, his very essence, inspired him in a way that few other people had before.

"Hey, Adam!" he heard a familiar voice call in greeting-- Matt was an old friend, and Adam felt his worry begin to smooth over at the warm tone in the other man's voice.

"Hey man," Adam smiled, moving towards his voice and leaning against the wall beside the doorway, the bricks rough against his side. "What's going on?"

"Not much," Matt said, inviting him in, and Adam followed him into the building, the sounds of the cabaret leaking through the doorway.

~

Kris turned on the stereo in Adam's living room, lips quirking into a half-smile as David Bowie's 'Life on Mars' began to pulse through the large speakers. He reclined back onto the couch, then, pulling a random Braille book off of the coffee table and onto his lap, slowly trying to decipher it.

He'd arrived a few minutes earlier to find the apartment empty, and, upon confusedly checking his cell phone, uncovered a voicemail explaining-- sort of-- his gorgeous man's absence.

_"Hey Kris. I'm not gonna be there when you show up-- had to go out and do some shit. Go in and make yourself at home, baby, and I'll be back ASAP. See you soon."_

Kris' eyebrows had furrowed at the intentional vagueness of it, but he had shrugged and did as asked, making himself at home on the sofa to wait for his man.

Kris' cell phone rang in his pocket a few minute's later, and he quickly fished it out, expecting it to be Adam-- the caller ID read "Mom &amp; Dad."

"Hey," Kris greeted, flipping open the phone, and it was his mama who brightly replied, "Hi honey! I hadn't talked to you in a while, so I thought I'd call. How have you been?"

"Good, mom. How're you and Dad? What've you been doing?"

"Not much different from the norm," she replied. "Your father's been spending all his time fishing, as usual." She sounded resigned about this fact. "I've been crocheting quite a bit lately, I'll have to make you a sweater. Anyway, I'm sure your life has been much more exciting, as it is with young people-- How's your job?"

"Really good, mama," Kris replied, picking at the hem of his jeans and thinking of Adam fondly. "I'm only working a few hours at the hospital anymore. I picked up a personal assistance job."

"That's great, sweetie," his mom replied, pausing a little before continuing, "..Have you met anyone nice?"

Kris' heart sank at her question, his lips puckering resignedly. He had hoped that she had just called to chat... but he could hear the implied, _"Have you met any nice girls?", _and knew he couldn't just avoid it this time with a simple "no."

He steeled himself, trying to keep his voice level as he replied, "As a matter of fact, I did meet _someone, _Mom. The man who hired me as an assistant-- His name is Adam."

"...Oh," his mom said after a long, loaded pause, in that awful, blandly polite tone she had always used when he, as a child, rambled on about something that she considered to be 'just a phase.' "So he's your patient?"

"He's my boyfriend, ma," he asserted, refusing the back down. "We started dating a while ago. He's amazing, very creative and sweet."

"I'm sure he's lovely," she replied, her tone suggesting that she was shortly going to change the subject, but Kris plowed on before she could, refusing to let her push this fundamental part of him aside, like she and his father always had before.

He hadn't told Adam the straight truth when he had said that his parents had "come to terms" with him being gay. The truth was that they had more of put aside the fact, and avoided looking at it too closely... as if it was just some uncomfortable idea of their son's to be hidden and avoided until it went away. Kris' coming out had been treated, after the initial explosion, like a silly child's notion: one that would soon be discarded and forgotten.

"He lost his sight in a car accident a couple of years ago, ma," he said, knowing that she could hear the pride glowing in his voice, and hoping she would accept it for what it was. "But he's been doing so well. He recently learned Braille, and he can do almost everything for himself now. He's come so far already-- I'm so happy for him."

"That's great, honey," she replied, sounding uncomfortable, and Kris heard the exact moment in which she resolutely shut the door on that subject, locking it away again into the darkness.

She continued a moment later, the cheer reinstalled in her tone, as if the previous facet of their conversation had never taken place. "Your father and I were thinking that we might fly up in a few days to see you... It's been far too long since we last visited you properly. We know you don't have room for us in your apartment, so we'd stay at a hotel. We can work around your schedule, too, I'm sure."

"...Sounds great, ma," he said, slowly, biting his lip. He loved his parents, and it would be nice to see them... but he was afraid as to how they might treat Adam, and to what lengths they would go to ignore or discredit the relationship they shared. Adam didn't deserve to be put through the pain of unaccepting parents.

He chose his next words carefully. "I'm sure Adam would love to meet you when you come. But please, just be... sociable."

"Of course we will," his mom replied, and he could almost _taste _the avoidance in her voice, the hope that he would back down so she wouldn't be faced with meeting the man her son claimed as his 'boyfriend'. It made anger bubble up in thick, burning waves in his stomach, and he wanted to shout into the phone that he _wasn't_ going to change, _wasn't_ going to play straight for them, _wasn't _going to concede to their view that tolerance was the equivalent of acceptance, however they might pretend... but all he managed to get out was a short farewell, barely registering his mom saying something about a "surprise" before he snapped the phone shut with an aggravated slide of his fingers.

He dropped his head into his hands, fingers flexing frustratedly, his head pounding with a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts... and that's when Adam burst in through the door, face giddy.

"Baby!" he chirped, bouncing up onto the balls of his feet in barely contained excitement. "I have good news."

"I'm hardly in the mood for good news," he snapped, thoughtlessly, and immediately regretted his angry words when Adam's face fell, confused and wounded. "...Oh. I, I'm sorry... It's just, I got a job. I thought... I thought you'd be excited."

Kris felt like a complete asshole as he slowly absorbed what his boy had said... he had seriously just imitated the part of the nasty boyfriend in movies. The next thing to come was a dawning realization, and brimming pride.

"...Oh. Oh, my god! That's so great, baby!" he exclaimed, jumping up and moving to Adam, wrapping his arms around the other man's waist and nestling into his chest. Adam hesitantly wrapped his arms around Kris' shoulders, as if he expected to be bitten, and Kris flinched at his own stupidity.

"...I'm sorry I snapped at you," he murmured, nuzzling at his collarbone and pressing a kiss to his throat. "That was just a... a frustrated asshole outburst."

"What? What happened?" Adam questioned, looking down at him, his eyebrows drawn down into a worried line, and Kris stretched up to kiss him lightly on the lips.

"It doesn't matter... I'll tell you in a minute," he replied, the incident already pushed from the forefront of his mind, overthrown by the happiness and pride he had for his boyfriend. "Anyway, where did you get a job, baby? And how come I didn't know about it?"

Adam half-smiled at that, his elation leaking back into his voice. "At my old friend Matt's bar-and-restaurant. He holds a nightly cabaret there... I called him about maybe having a set in it a few nights a week. After hearing me, he offered me an every-other-day set in it. I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Wow, that's amazing!" Kris gushed, face breaking into an even broader smile as he realized what a huge step this was for Adam-- Not only in the respect of further independence, but also in the respect that Adam was beginning to reignite his passion for music. It made Kris' heart swell, and he squeezed his arms around the other man, murmuring, "I'm so happy for you, my brave man."

Adam smiled brightly down at him, curling a big, warm hand around the back of Kris' neck and lifting his face to kiss him, lips softly closing over the other man's.

They gently nipped and caressed at each other's mouths as the moments slid by, tender and slow. Kris relaxed against the warm solidness of his boyfriend's body and slipped his hands up under the back of his t-shirt, lightly skimming his fingertips across the warm, soft skin, and delighting in the shivers his touch sent along Adam's back.

Adam broke away some time later, nuzzling against the other man's cheek. He sighing contentedly,  holding him silently for a few moments, before saying, slowly, "So what... what happened before I came?"

With those words Kris' insides were drawn back into a twisting knot of hectic feeling, pulling him in a million different directions at once. He didn't reply for a long moment, loathe to leave the warm comfort of Adam's arms to face what was boiling inside of him.

"Well... let's sit down," he finally sighed, taking Adam's hand and rearranging himself to face his boy on the couch, toes nestling in under the denim-clad warmth of the other man's thigh.

"Okay, well... my mom called. She and Dad are flying up to visit in a few days, I think," Kris said, and resented his parents rejection all the more when Adam's face immediately lit up, obviously excited at the prospect.

"That's great! Will I get to meet them?" Adam asked, and Kris sighed, rubbing at his eyes. "Yes. But... when I told you they had come to terms with it... that's not completely true. They've always just more or less avoided the topic. Any acceptance they have is abstract... I've never introduced them to a boyfriend. I've never had one serious enough. I don't know... how they'll act. I think they have the idea that I'll eventually snap out of it and go on with the future they had always envisioned for me. I told mom they had to be friendly, more or less, but... I don't know. It's new territory for both me and them."

"Oh, gosh," Adam said, reaching for Kris and pulling him into his lap, cuddling him against his chest. "You should have told me, baby. I would have... would have talked to them."

"It wouldn't have made a difference," Kris mumbled against his shoulder, rubbing his cheek against the soft fabric of his t-shirt. "They wouldn't have really listened to a thing you said. When Mom and Dad don't want to absorb something, they don't."

"I'll help you however I can," Adam murmured into his hair, rubbing at the tense knots in the other man's shoulders. "I don't have much experience with that kind of thing, but... I'm here."

"Thank you," Kris sighed, nosing under his chin. "Let's not talk about that anymore. So... when do I get to hear your set?"

"Whenever you want," Adam smiled indulgently, squeezing him around the middle as Kris smiled luxuriously, his trials with his parent's pushed aside for the moment.

~

The next afternoon Kris found himself seated at the bar in Matt's, a man whom Kris suspected to be the namesake of the building taking a seat beside him-- Adam had said to look for a fedora.

"Hey, man," the guy greeted, offering a hand, which Kris shook. "I'm Matt. Adam told me his boyfriend would be the "adorable little brown-haired guy at the bar"-- I take it that's you? I'm going to be really embarrassed if I judged that one wrong, just so you know."

"What are you talking about?" Kris deadpanned, eyebrows furrowing, and Matt had the good grace to look horrified for a moment before Kris gave it up and cracked a laughing smile, taking the beer the bartender slid to him. "Kidding, man. That description sounds very much like something Adam would say. Yeah, I'm Kris. Nice to meet you."

"Same," Matt said, laughing. "You scared me there. I'll have to remember to watch out for you-- Adam never included "feisty" into his descriptive adjectives."

Kris snorted into his beer and shook his head, a smile on his lips. "Oh, Adam. Where did you know him from, originally?"

"We were roommates for a while, way back when," Matt said, eyes mock-distant for a moment, as if they were scanning across a long passage of time-- although he couldn't be more than 27. "Back when I was a dueling piano player, before I started up this place. He's one helluva fun guy. I was surprised when he called me... we hadn't talked since after the accident."

His voice didn't falter into somber low tones when he mentioned the accident, and Kris could tell immediately that he was of the kind of people who looked at Adam just as a person-- not as a blind man. Kris liked him.

"He's on in five," Matt commented, checking his watch. "First performer of the night. He went up earlier and checked out the size and layout of the stage and everything, so he's all good. Your man's got one hell of a voice, let me tell you."

"I haven't heard him sing yet," Kris admitted, slowly running his fingertip around the rim of his beer bottle. "This is something he's just started to... get back into."

"Well, he's definitely meant for it, man," Matt said, leaning back against the bar. "You'll see what I mean. This is a different kind of set than what we usually have here, but I predict he'll have people eating out of the palm of his hand by the second chorus."

The lights dimmed in the room a few minutes later, and Kris' eyes riveted on the stage, anxious and excited. This was a huge step for Adam... and he didn't want to miss a moment of it.

A few seconds later a tall, gorgeous beauty strut onto the stage to polite applause from the diners and drinkers, and Kris' eyes widened at the glamor practically oozing off his man.

His hair was a black, shining array of spikes, his bangs swept across his forehead above arched eyebrows and smokey eyeshadow. Sparkling gems were glued around his baby blue eyes, fringed with dark lashes. He wore knee-high boots and tight, black leather pants that clung to the sharp angles of his hips, and Kris smiled as he recognized the man on his t-shirt as David Bowie.

"He also has always had a flare for the dramatic, in case you hadn't noticed," Matt pointed out, but Kris barely heard him as Adam found the microphone stand and greeted the crowd.

"Let's start this off with some rock n' roll, huh?" Adam said, as a familiar guitar riff began to pour from the speakers. To everyone else, Adam must have looked cool and confident on the stage, but Kris could detect the nerves lying underneath the surface of his features as the people in the audience who immediately recognized "Whole Lotta Love" applauded.

Kris knew the song, obviously, knew the vocal prowess it took to perform it well, and his lips parted in wonder as Adam grabbed the microphone stand and began to sing, tossing his hair back.

Kris had fully expected Adam to do great, but his former expectations didn't hold a candle to the voice that came from Adam's lips-- That voice was commanding and clear, silkily caressing the lower register at the beginning of the song, before soaring up through the octaves to hit a ringing, clear high note that Kris knew he could never in a century make it to. 

He could see Adam falling into the music, relaxing on stage, his hips beginning to swing enticingly to the beat. His body seemed to absorb the lyrics, his very essence oozing sex and passion as he began a slinking strut around the stage, alighting every person in the audience as if he was singing solely for them.

Displayed for Kris on the stage was a strutting, hair-tossing, sensually snarling beast he had never seen before, and by the time Adam got to "gonna give you every inch of my love," he was reduced to a trembling mass on the bar stool, uncomfortably shifting as his swollen, ridiculously excited cock pushed insistently against the zipper of his jeans. Matt snickered beside him, throwing a glance his way, but thankfully kept his mouth shut. Kris didn't think he could blush any harder, anyway. 

Kris found himself wishing he was Adam's microphone stand when, at the last repetition of "whole lotta love," Adam snapped his hips against it, bulge obvious in his tight leather pants. A split-second after his last note rang out over the crowd, they burst into hectic applause, the ladies in the house-- and quite a few of the men as well-- whooping and whistling, Kris of course being the loudest of them all. Adam laughed, smiling brightly out at the audience, the sexual monster receded somewhere inside him, replaced by the sweet, lovable Adam that Kris knew very well. "Thanks guys, thank you."

The rest of Adam's set further illustrated just how diverse his voice was-- from fun electro-pop songs to slow ballads with sweet falsetto. Kris was so proud of his man, so amazed by the natural instrument he wielded so effortlessly.

Adam perched himself on the stool a waiter brought him for his last song, adjusting the microphone stand to the correct height before announcing, "We're gonna slow it down for my last piece." The pianist seated near the back of the stage started up a slow melody as he continued, "This one's for my boy Kris, who came to watch me tonight-- You've changed my life so drastically, baby, in the best way possible. You're everything to me."

The room applauded, choruses of "aw" filling the room as the crowd looked around for the man he was talking about, and Matt, the asshole, pointed to him, saying "This one, folks! He's bashful."

Kris smiled embarrassedly from between his fingers as everyone turned to look at him, clapping and aw-ing some more, and Adam smiled and laughed on stage, probably imaging Kris' reaction correctly. He turned to the microphone then as the audience focused their attention back on him, emotion swelling in Kris' chest as he listened to the sweet, slow cover of a formerly disco song.

Adam's voice was filled with raw passion and an yearning ache as he sang "If I Can't Have You," the voice of a lover that wanted nothing more than their partner. Kris felt tears budding in his eyes as the song reached it's crescendo, a smile curving his lips.

_"If I can't have you,  
I don't want nobody baby,  
If I can't have you..."_

The crowd applauded uproariously at the end of his set, but Kris heard none of it, focused only on Adam making his way off the stage, having retrieved his cane from a waiter. He was out of his seat a moment later, leaving Matt behind as he wove his way through the tables, meeting Adam at the bottom of the stage stairs and crashing into his arms, burying his tear-stained face into his chest.

Adam chuckled, murmuring "Hey, baby," into his hair as they swayed where they stood, the crowd obviously overloading on adorable as they whistled and cheered for them.

"You were so amazing," Kris managed, curling a hand into his hair and bringing him gently down to kiss him. "Thank you."

"Thank_ you_, honey," Adam said, tenderly, moving beside him to wrap an arm around his shoulders, smiling out at the still-noisy crowd. "Why don't we get out of here?"

"Yes," Kris agreed, waving to Matt as they left, a blush still staining his cheeks, the sounds of a fully pleased crowd following them out.

~

Adam woke the next morning curled upon a comfortable bed, fully clothed, stripes of what he assumed to be early-morning sunlight warming his back. He sighed, contented and still sleepy, nestling closer to the warm, familiar body spooned up against him.

Last night had been, in most succinct terms, completely fantastic. He had come onto the stage with his nerves pricking insistently beneath his skin, every uncertainty laid at his feet, and the rush of performing had faithfully swept them all away, in the same way it had before the accident. 

Now, with that first hurdle behind him, Adam couldn't imagine why he had ever doubted the release music brought him. He had been on fire, and he knew it. A new hope was blooming in his chest, one that told him he had all the tools to get back to what he loved, what he had previously thought dead: his passion for music. 

He smiled, nuzzling against the back of Kris' neck. He knew that, without him, none of what he'd accomplished so far would have happened. Kris had pulled him from his daze, helped him realize the problems that still lingered, and made him want to fix them.

 Kris sleepily shifted in his arms a moment later, back arching languidly against him. "Mornin'," he snuffled, Southern accent thickened with sleep, and Adam's lips curved into a smile as he pressed a kiss just below his ear.

Last night with Kris had been one that stretched Adam's restraint to the limits, but he had held out-- represented in the fact that they were sleeping fully clothed in yesterday's garments.

They had went to Kris' apartment after leaving Matt's, a celebratory drink in mind. The adrenaline of the successful show was still buzzing in Adam's veins, and he could tell he had alighted Kris as well as they talked, the touches lingering longer and longer between them.

They had eventually ended up in Kris' bed, making out like teenagers, hands tangled into hair, tongues playfully teasing at lips and teeth. Kris had been a hot, solid stretch of lithe muscle beneath him, thighs opened invitingly for his hips, and the smaller man had pulled him down by the shoulders to slowly, passionately kiss him, arching up to give him a teasing press of his caged, heavy erection.

"Adam," he had murmured, sensual and warm, a question in his voice, but Adam, going against everything his body was aching for, slowly shook his head.

"Now's not the time, baby boy," he had whispered, kissing him tenderly, and Kris had taken the words without question, respecting his decision and cuddling up against him. They must have slept, then, in a tender tangle of body and limb.

Adam had wanted to say yes to Kris, with every fiber of his being-- but he had spoken truthfully when he said that then was not the time. Not only did he want to be ready, he wanted Kris to be as well. He, personally, was so close; the memories of Brad hit him much less severely now when he touched Kris, becoming more sweet memories and less stabbing remembrances.

But that wasn't it, that wasn't the only facet-- he wanted Kris, when it happened, to be fully in love. He wanted his boyfriend to remember their first time making love together as a sweet haze of tender love and passion. He was selfish for making him wait, maybe... but he knew, somehow, that taking it slow was the right thing to do. 

Their foggy morning haze was split by a cell phone ringing, and Kris groaned, shifting in his arms to grab it off the bedside table.

"Hello?" he answered, clearing the thickness from his throat, and listened for a moment. "Hey. Yeah, I jus' woke up. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, I'll be here. Okay, bye. Love you too."

The metallic click of the phone snapping shut was loud in the quiet room, and Kris sighed, rolling onto his back, the sleep gone from his voice. "Mom and Dad are gonna be here at four."

"Oh," was all Adam could think to say, and Kris turned to face him, cuddling up against his chest.

"I'm nervous," was all he said, and Adam wrapped his arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a comforting embrace and murmuring "It'll be okay, baby. I'm sure we'll... work this out."

"She mentioned a surprise again," Kris mumbled, eyelashes tickling his collarbone. "Maybe it's a pie."

Adam chuckled, hugging him tightly before sitting up and taking his hand.

"Let's make some breakfast."

~

Adam and Kris sat on the couch with the TV on, waiting for the clock on the wall to chime four. The minutes slid by slowly, and Kris laid his head against Adam's shoulder, wanting it to be over with already.

They had made breakfast, Kris quickly showering and changing before driving them over to Adam's house so he could do the same. Adam's hair had been a sticky mess that morning, one side flattened to his head and the other sticking straight out, and he had laughed lightly, feeling it and announcing that this wasn't quite the hairdo for meeting the parents.

Kris _was_ happy that he was going to get to see his parents, he really was. He hadn't come home for Christmas in a few years, and sincerely missed them both. His parents were, at base line, good people. He only wished that, upon seeing him with Adam, and realizing how serious Kris was about him, that they would at least _begin _to accept the fact that he's openly, genuinely, proudly gay, and that he was going to be Adam's for as long as he would have him.

The doorbell rang suddenly a few minutes later, jolting them both out of their musings, and Kris slowly stood, taking Adam's hand.

"It'll be okay, baby," Adam murmured, pressing a tender, reassuring kiss to his cheek, and Kris managed a small smile, pressing it into his boyfriend's neck. He turned and opened the door, then, fingers twined with Adam's at his side.

His mother's smiling face was the first he registered. She looked the same as ever, he noted, as did his dad, who had a hand on her shoulder.

They both had the puzzling look on their faces of one who is expecting a delighted reaction to something, and Kris' smile faltered into shock as he gazed beyond them to the pretty, blond, very familiar "surprise" coming up the walkway behind them.

 His parents were here, and they had brought Katy.


	11. Chapter 11

Adam could tell something was amiss by the way Kris' fingers stiffened around his, but before he could questioningly turn to his boyfriend, the soft hand in his guided him away from the entryway, letting the people at the door enter.

"Hey there," Kris greeted, and Adam, well familiar with the warm, dulcet tones of his voice, could immediately detect the façade of false cheer the other man had thrown up to cover his initial reaction. The words sounded forced and tight, and the smile on Adam's lips faltered as he wondered if Kris' parents were staring daggers at him that intensely already.

"Hi, honey!" a chipper, older female voice replied, and Kris' hand left his as he presumably moved forward to hug his mom. His dad had a deep, stern voice, and he greeted his son in the same way, Adam ignored for the moment.

Adam stood a little taller once they were finished, reapplying his smile in preparation for introductions, but his eyes widened in surprise as another female voice, this one soft and femininely young, piped up instead.

"It's nice to see you, Kris," the second woman said, sounding uncertain, and Kris' fingers knit back with his as he tensely returned the sentiment, no physical greeting taking place between them.

Adam's confusion lasted only a moment. Everything was illuminated, with shattering clarity, as Kris introduced them all, still sounding a little stunned: "Adam, this is my mom and dad... and Katy. Guys, this is Adam."

Adam could tell his expression had slipped into shock at the word 'Katy', but he quickly composed himself, smiling at the assembled guests. "Hi. Nice to meet you all."

He figured they all must have mutely nodded, because the room's tense silence wasn't broken by anyone other than Katy-- who said, voice quiet and unsure, "Nice to meet you as well."

"...Well, let's go into the living room so we can talk," Kris said after a moment of awkward silence, Adam following him numbly into the other room, hand limp in his boyfriend's grip. His usually sparkling personality was stifled by shock and painful uncertainty-- he was silent as he took a seat next to Kris.

_Katy. _Kris' parents had brought along the woman they had once hoped their son would marry, the woman Kris had a _past _with-- shit, maybe even the woman Kris had been in _love _with.

The situation had just shifted from an uncomfortable clashing of ideas to a tangled, precarious dance, with Kris as it's centerpiece... and Adam was at a loss as to just where he stood.

~

Kris was still shell-shocked as he took a seat on his small loveseat, Adam beside him. His parents arranged themselves on the sofa, Katy on the armchair across from him.

He wasn't ignorant as to why his parents had done this, although he couldn't quite believe that they had actually had the nerve-- they were quite simply putting Katy into his lap, as if to say, "Look what you're missing. Look what you gave up." This further cemented his certainty that they wouldn't even give Adam a chance, wrapped up in their safety net of incorrect notions as they were. He had parted with Katy on good terms, it was true... but this was far more than a friendly visit, or perhaps far less.

"...So, Adam, how did you become a client of our son's?" Kris' dad asked after a few minutes of small talk, and Adam's lips parted a little uncertainly, pausing for a moment.

"Um. Well, my last assistant couldn't continue the hours... so through her other job at the hospital she set me up with Kris. He was kind of handed to me," he joked, weakly.

"Hmm," his dad replied, mildly, and Kris pointedly took Adam's hand, lips pursing, annoyed with the assumption they were trying to make. "I'd hardly consider him a client anymore, Dad."

Kris had been expecting that ploy; them treating Adam like he was nothing more than a co-worker or a friend. Kris wouldn't have it-- he was in no way an exhibitionist, but he wouldn't allow them to ignore their relationship like that.

"We're quite proud of our son's choice of career," Kim interjected, ignoring Kris' previous statement. "And Katy here is on the path to becoming an actress."

"...It's nothing that big," Katy protested, uncomfortably, looking fleetingly between Adam and Kris.

"Of course it is, dear," Kim said, waving a hand at her. "She has that and a cooking business-- I'm sure Kris can attest to the fact that she makes a wonderful cake."

"She does," Kris tightly agreed, squeezing Adam's hand when he bit his lip and dropped his eyes. He didn't mention the fact that Adam was quite the cook himself, even though he wanted to throw that back at them-- he wouldn't put Katy and Adam in some type of contest against each other, as his parents were obviously trying to do.

"...Well, have you guys eaten?" Kris asked, awkwardly diverting the conversation. "I'm sure we could make something..."

"No, we haven't. That would be great, honey," Kim agreed, and they relocated to the kitchen, Kris hurriedly throwing together lasagna, Adam quiet and withdrawn beside him as he helped.

Kris managed to successfully steer the conversation away from danger subjects while they prepared the meal-- he would address this problem properly with his parents later, in private. Then he and Adam could further work things out, together.

"Hey, babe, put these on the table?" Kris asked, offering Adam the stack of plates, and Adam took them with his free hand, the other on his cane.

"No, Kris, let me take those, dear," Kim insisted, addressing Kris and worriedly eying the china. Her words were obviously more of a statement about Adam's blindness than just an offer of help, and Kris was about to open his mouth to say Adam could _certainly _do it himself-- but Adam beat him to it.

"It's okay, ma'am," Adam assured her, smiling weakly. "I've got it. Being blind doesn't keep me from doing most things."

Kim's lips twitched, unsmiling, but she let him go about setting the table.

"...How did you lose your sight, Adam?" Katy asked after a few seconds, not disrespectfully, sounding genuinely, and naively, curious.

Kris saw the muscles in Adam's shoulders tense at the blunt question, and he laid a hand on his boyfriend's back, worriedly-- but Adam held it together, quickly replying, "A car accident, two years ago."

"You need an assistant that long afterwards?" Kim questioned, and Adam looked a little abashed, the spoon he was holding slipping from his fingers and clattering against the dark stained wood of the table. "Um. I had a lot to deal with, afterwards... I just recently began learning Braille and such..."

"You mean trauma from the accident, or...?" Kris' dad pried, and Kris, seeing how tense and uncomfortable Adam's expression was, finally snapped. "It's not really any of your business, mom and dad. They're his issues to work through."

"...You call him your boyfriend," Kim cut in, a moment later, face expressionless. "I do believe we have the right to know."

Adam bit his lip, looking like he was going to be sick. "I-I'm sorry, if you'll excuse me..." he stuttered, then quickly left the room, a slight shake to his shoulders.

Kris turned to his parents once his boyfriend had left, eyes narrowed in fury, his lips pressed into a thin line. He hardly ever got truly angry over things, but his parents had far overstepped the line.

"...Is this why you came?" he asked, bluntly, his voice laced with heat. "To pit Adam and Katy against each other in some kind of contest? To nose into my boyfriend's privacy and discredit our relationship as best you could, all in fifteen minutes? Just so you could continue to pretend that one day I'll snap out of my gay and continue down the path you drew in the sand for me?"

His voice slowly rose, despite his best efforts to stay calm and level. "Because, if so, that is complete and utter _bullshit. _I'm gay, mom and dad, okay? I came out to you, and you treated me like a was a silly kid with a stupid idea stuck in my head. But whatever you might like to pretend, I am openly, proudly gay. I'm not going to pretend otherwise so you can continue to live with your heads stuck in the sand!"

He took a deep breath, then, some of his fury leaking away. His voice, when he spoke, was firm with conviction, but a softness lingered in his tone as he spoke of his man. 

"Beyond that, Adam is my boyfriend. I care for him more than I have anyone else before now... He's not a _phase, _or a _patient. _Katy isn't going to change what he means to me... and neither are you. I... I plan on spending the rest of my life with him, truthfully."

He paused, looking each one of his stunned parents directly in the eye. "I'm tired of hiding who I am. So, at this point, you two have to decide if you want to have a relationship with the _real _me, Adam included... or none at all."

He paused, seeming to deflate as he exhaled, tiredly raising a hand to stop whatever might have fallen from his parent's mouths. "...Stop. Please. I don't want to talk about this right now... I need to cool down for a while, and so do you. Just think about it."

He looked up at the people who brought him into this world, eyes painfully earnest. "And I am sorry for yelling, mom and dad, but please... All I want, all I'm asking for, is for you to accept _me _for _me. _All of me, not just... not just the parts you like or approve of."

Kris rubbed his throbbing forehead once he had finished, face weary. "Please, just... go to the hotel for now. We can talk tomorrow, okay? I need... I need some time."

His parents said nothing, shocked as they were, only stood at his request, making towards the front door in silence.

His mom paused at the doorway, looking back at him doubtfully, mouth opening as if to say something-- but she finally just turned and left, shaking her head a little. Kris must have imagined the wet shine in her eyes, as she closed the door behind her with a quiet _snick._ 

Kris collapsed slowly into his chair once they had left, putting his elbows up on the table and dropping his head into his hands with a tired sigh.

He'd nearly forgotten Katy was there, until her delicate arms looped around his shoulders, squeezing him tenderly.

"...No, Katy," Kris sighed, face slack, too tired to put any oomph behind his denial. "I'm not going there."

"Neither am I," Katy replied, softly, and Kris looked up at her, surprised. Her face was gentle and kind, but still uncertain. "You're parents invited me... They said, wouldn't it be nice to visit him? Really, it is nice to see you, Kris. I... I get that they want you and me together again, but I also know you don't want that. I see how you two adore each other, you know? You and Adam."

A small smile curved her lips. "I can see that you're happy with your life... and that's all I wanted to know."

Kris smiled, still a little surprised, after she had finished, gently returning her hug. "Wow. Thank you, Katy," he murmured into her blond locks, eyes closing for a moment. "...It is good to see you again."

He thought back on his time with her, nearly four years... and what he found further cemented his certainty. The things he felt and remembered were nothing more than warm memories of a time gone by.

Katy pulled away then, friendship in her eyes as she tousled his hair, making for the door.

"And, Kris..." she said, turning back to look at him, her hand on the doorknob. "It'll turn out okay with your parents. They... They just needed a wake-up call, I think. A major one. Now... Now they just have to realize some things for themselves."

Kris nodded in agreement, and Katy started out, lips curved up into a half-smile. "Goodnight, Kris."

"Goodnight," Kris replied, watching as the door clicked shut behind his ex, his mind already returning to his man.

~

Kris found Adam in the bedroom a minute later, sitting on the edge of the mattress and shaking with quiet sobs, face dropped into his hands.

"Oh, _baby,"  _Kris said, pained, as he moved to wrap his boyfriend into his arms, carding his fingers gently through his hair and rocking his trembling body.

"K-Kris," Adam forced out, voice breaking, and Kris bit his lip in pain for his boy, replying, "Sssh, my beautiful man. It's okay."

"No, it's... it's... W-Why?" Adam stuttered out, fingers shaking where they clutched as Kris' biceps, holding on as if, if he let him go, Kris might disappear. "Why... why me, of all people? Just... Just look..."

His voice cracked on the last word, tears flowing freely down his face. "Just look at K-Katy. She's every man's dream girl... and your parents can't stand me. I'm just a man who's still hung up on things that happened y-years ago... Why do you put up with it, all the pain I cause you? W-Wouldn't it be better for you, if you, if you just l-left?"

"Baby," Kris said, stricken, cupping Adam's face in his hands and wiping tears away from his eyes. His voice was brimming with sincerity and emotion, horrified Adam could think that. "No, baby boy, absolutely not. You're not anything but whole to me-- you're amazing and sweet and funny and loving and kind. I... I couldn't live without you, Adam."

Adam face was open and vulnerable, soaking up the reassurance, and Kris continued on, thumbs tracing the angles of his boyfriend's jaw. "I never want anyone else but you, Adam. Talking to Katy just now reaffirmed that... I think of my time with her, and the memories have no hold on me at all. I have everything I could ever ask for right here, baby. Katy, we had some good times together, we did. But... she's my past. And you, Adam, you're... quite simply my everything."

Adam leaned closer to him, a new kind of tears swimming in his eyes as he absorbed his words, and Kris moved to pull a slow, gentle kiss from his lips, running his fingers through his raven hair.

Kris felt that ever-present, glowing warmth overflowing his heart as they kissed, flooding every crevice of his mind and body, igniting him with a soft, adoring passion. It was then, with an abrupt, staggering burst of joy, that he was able to name that feeling with no restraint or uncertainty-- the events of earlier having cemented that one final thread in his heart, irrevocably.

"I want nobody but you for the rest of my life... whatever I may have to stand up against," he assured him, smiling tenderly down at the man in his arms and nuzzling up against him.

He breathed his next sentence against his soon-to-be-lover's lips, every syllable ingrained into him, a permanent inscription settling into the fabric of his being.

"I love you so much, Adam."


	12. Chapter 12

Adam sat, entwined with his boyfriend and completely stunned, trying to take in everything Kris had said to him. He couldn't quite believe that mere minutes ago he had been sobbing, feeling inferior and broken-- now all he felt was dawning joy, and breathtaking adoration for the man in his arms. Kris had wiped away every lingering doubt that had been plaguing his mind-- he'd made every last uncertainty evaporate with one press of his lips, had drawn him into the warmth of his embrace and murmured sweet assurances in his ear, tender and loving. And that was it, wasn't it? What completed it all?

Kris loved him.

Adam's heart swelled in his chest as that realization finally sank in, emotions huge and overwhelming, and he curled his fingers around the angles of the other man's jaw, pulling him in and molding their mouths together, lips rough and frantic with everything arising inside of him.

His kisses gentled, however, as Kris' hands ghosted across the planes of his back, slipping up under his shirt to gently caress the skin with his nails, and Adam touched the curve of the other man's bottom lip once they had parted, memorizing the feel of the soft, moist flesh against the pad of his thumb.  

"...Say it again," Adam commanded, his words contrasted by the tenderness in his voice, and he slowly nudged Kris back onto the bed, hovering over him, their breaths mingling in the mere inches separating their mouths.

"Love you," Kris breathed, a smiled weaved through the honey accent of his voice, and Adam leaned into the warm weight of the palm cupping his cheek, kissing the thumb that skimmed his lips. "I love you, Adam."

Adam replied without words, smiling against the other man's throat and pressing open-mouthed kisses to the smooth, thin flesh, lips imprinting across the spread of his collarbones. The love and warmth of the other man's presence was all-encompassing in that moment, covering Adam until he thought he would drown in it, a smile on his face, and all he could process was the need to join with this beautiful man.

"...Make love with me, then, Kristopher," Adam murmured into Kris' ear, nuzzling against the delicate shell and taking the soft lobe gently between his lips, touching his tongue to the salty skin and hearing as the other man dragged in a rasping inhale of breath.

_"Adam,"  _Kris said, as if the name in itself was a revelation, voice dropped low and husky, grinding across his lower register. He slid his hands slowly up his lover's neck to cradle his face, fingertips rough with calluses, caressing a question across the curve of the dark-haired man's cheeks.

"I am," Adam confirmed, answering the unspoken words, open palms slowly rubbing along the sloping angles of the other man's shoulders, the fabric of his shirt slipping over the corded, lean muscles beneath. "I'm ready to be with you."

Kris smiled against the hollow of his throat, hands smoothing across the broad expanse of his chest as he murmured, sweetly, "You were waiting for me, too." It wasn't a question, and Adam didn't answer it as one-- he only pressed himself back into the heat of his man's lips, velvety tongues coaxing forth electric little moans of pleasure.

Kris' slender fingers gripped into the other man's dark, soft hair, tilting his chin and biting gently at his bottom lip, the pricks of pain coaxed forth by his lover's nipping teeth sending aching shivers vibrating down Adam's body. It was a new level of intense, in this moment; a primal joining of something inside them, deeper than desire and lust, something that claimed and loved without inhibition, regardless of the consequences.

Adam's fingers moved to the buttons of Kris' shirt as their lips clung and tasted, hands trembling slightly as he undid them one by one, tantalizingly slowly, sighing a moan into the smaller man's mouth once the fabric was finally pushed away and discarded. His hands gently touched the flesh it had uncovered, exploring the curves and dips of his torso; lean, compact muscle tight beneath his nimble fingers, twitching at his soft touches as if he might shudder apart in his arms.

Kris' hands smoothed up the endless expanse of Adam's back, fingers riding along the ridges of his spine, bunching up his shirt along the way; the fabric sliding whisper-soft up to Adam's shoulders and over, cast away and forgotten.

Strong, slender fingers raked through the soft hair dappling his chest as Adam nipped kisses along his lover's lips, velvet soft and parted beneath his, the smaller man's breaths coming in short pants, content to let Adam have his way with mouth and tongue as he sank further into the mess of pillows and sheets, tangled by their shifting.

Adam's hand curved a path down Kris' body: the strong musculature of his chest, pausing to tug on the hard nub of a nipple, rolling it between his fingertips before kneading against the shuddering firmness of his belly. A path of downy-soft hair guided him to denim and over, caressing the hard bulge at the vee of his hips. The shape of him was clearly defined under the fabric, radiating heat into his palm, and Kris moaned into his ear, his purr of a drawl wrecked and elongated, drawn out vowels and gasps.

The button to his jeans was undone with desire-trembling fingers, the zipper coming down a tooth at a time, agonizingly slowly, drawing out the moment into a slow-motion landslide of emotions. The denim was pulled down across the sharp angles of his hips, the tendons in his thighs stretched taut and quivering against Adam's fingers, the heavy fabric thunk of the jeans hitting the carpet absorbed by  
 the soft sounds of their searching lips.

Adam traced the contours of him with sensitive fingers, his lover's cock heavy and swollen, tenting the soft cotton of his boxers and dampening it with precome and lust. His fingers hooked under the waistband, dragging them down along the slender, muscular stretch of Kris' legs, and before he could move to touch Kris was working at the denim encasing his own hips, shoving it away with hasty fingers and making a little desperate noise deep in his throat when he found nothing but skin beneath it.

Adam kicked the jeans off his legs impatiently, feeling Kris wantonly spread his thighs below him, his body open and wanting for him, and he settled down against the stretch of lithe muscle laid out below him, groaning as the curves and dips of their bodies fit together, somehow, sweat already beading between them as their hard lengths met and rubbed, hot wet slides of velvet.

Adam knotted his fingers into the downy-soft strands of the other man's hair, breathing an achingly gentle kiss against his lips, and Kris slowly shifted beneath him, spreading wide apart, Adam's aching length slipping into the cleft of his ass, catching against his quivering entrance. Adam bit out a groan against his lover's collarbone in response, resisting the urge to push his hips forward and join them in a biting rush.

"Kris," he breathed, not wanting to move but shifting away anyway, Kris whimpering below him, and Adam picked him up into his arms, naked flesh sliding across his, leaving the smaller man straddling the length of his legs.

"Baby," he murmured again, and Kris only reached for him, beyond words, but Adam stopped him with a sweet kiss, stroking the trembling length of his thighs, massaging the taut muscles. "I want you right now, Kristopher. But, when we go _there..."_

He trailed off, illustrating what he meant with a ghost of fingertips over the ring of his lover's entrance, a shiver playing the length of Kris' body as that caress was followed by the wet slide of his cockhead against him-- "... I want to have beaten this. All of this. I want it to be... 100% us. No... no ghosts."

Kris was silent for a long few moments, and Adam had began to worry that he had angered him when Kris' hands slowly splayed out over his chest, his lips a hot, tender pressure. "Yes, Adam," he murmured into his hair, in agreement, and Adam smiled, pushing his lover back again into the sheets and caressing his face, thumb touching to his lips, met with the nipping pressure of Kris' teeth against the painted nail and soft flesh.

Adam smiled down at him and pressed a sweet kiss to his lover's swollen lips, kissing his way down to the hollow of his throat and drawing the sweet, salty flesh into his mouth, worrying it sharply with his teeth. Kris moaned harshly in reply, tugging on his mussed black locks as Adam marked him as his own, Kris' legs spread wide, hips bucking up to him, cock aching and full against Adam's thigh.

Adam found and caressed the hard peak of a nipple a moment later, sliding his lips over it and rolling the hard pink bud along his tongue, enjoying the feel of it in his mouth as Kris gasped his name, shuddering on the bed like he would shatter from the forces of the sensations.

Adam paid the same attention to the other as his hand slipped down the length of the other man's body, fingers curling around the hot stalk of flesh between Kris' thighs and hefting the solid weight of it. He stroked his palm along the velvet hot length, precome wet and sticky against his fingers, rolling from the head in small beads, and Adam burned the filthy, loving, lustful noises that were passing from Kris' lips into his mind.

He shifted down the bed, then, unable to take it any longer, sucking hickeys into the soft, pliable flesh of Kris' inner thighs, hard muscles shivering beneath his tongue. Kris' fingers stroked jaw of the man between his legs, a moment of tenderness amongst the heat, and Adam turned into the touch, pressing a soft kiss to the flesh of his palm. He turned back to his lover's body a moment later, moving to nuzzle at the taut, heavy weight of his balls, nibbling around the base of his cock.

Kris' noises of pleasure only got louder as he knotted his fingers into the dark head between his thighs, his leg bouncing erratically against Adam's shoulder as the dark-haired man took the flared head between his lips, suckling gently, the taste of precome exploding across his tongue.

Groans bubbled up from deep in Kris' chest as Adam slid his throat around the hot weight of his cock, his noises reverberating back off the walls to encompass the lovers in a soundtrack of the most basic pleasure. Adam's name was Kris' mantra; the word he cried out to ceiling like a plea or a prayer, the word he choked on as he stifled his noises with the hand not in Adam's hair, the litany of desire seeping through his slender fingers.

Adam stroked and kneaded at Kris' quivering calf muscles, dragging him farther apart and turning his face to feel the heavy stiffness of him stretch out the side of his cheek, jaw hurting in a way that made his cock jerk against the mattress.

Kris suddenly seized beneath him, every muscle bunched tight like rubber bands ready to snap, his back bowing upwards in an arch of heat as his moans were broken down into gasping exhalations of senseless noise, hot strings of come hitting the back of Adam's tongue.

He quickly swallowed down his lover's seed, eyes softly closed, sucking him gently through the aftershocks, letting the length sliding from between his lips with a gorgeous _pop _once he had stilled.

Adam moved upwards a few inches once he had finished to nuzzle against the flesh of Kris' belly, smelling sex and soap and something earthy-sweet that may have just been _Kris. _His erection was painfully hard against the sheets, but he was content to bask in the hazy presence of his lover for the moment, as Kris panted harshly above him, hands loosely clenching and unclenching in his hair.

Adam didn't often wish for things he couldn't have, the accident that took his sight having turned a high-flying dreamer into a realist... but here, wrapped in warmth and desire for the man he had fallen in love with, he did.

"I wish I could see you," Adam murmured, choking on the words and rubbing his swollen, tingling lips against his lover's stomach in a not-quite kiss, and all Kris could do in reply was to take him into his arms and whisper tender words into his ear, loving him late into the night.

~  
   
_Adam knew this was a nightmare, what he was playing a part in, but, as usual, he couldn't break away. Only this time, it was different: he could see the two cars, both of them, headed for collision, but he was only a bystander, a passerby watching from the sidewalk._

He saw the dark-haired man and the slighter brown-haired beauty in the old Toyota, and his heart clenched sickly as the two shared a sweet kiss, not yet knowing what was approaching, inevitable: destiny manifested as a speeding SUV. He watched the car in the oncoming lane swerving crazily, the two men's eyes widening as they recognized death bearing down upon them, and Adam squeezed his eyes shut as the two vehicles collided, sobs tearing from his throat as he heard the deafening screech of tearing metal, unable to block it out, remembering the death and pain that had come inside that twisted shell.

He staggered forwards, a moment later, towards what was now a smoking mass spread across the street, cars stopped in the road and people panicked-- but he paused as a gentle, firm hand fell on his shoulder.

He turned back, eyes wide, to find a familiar figure standing behind him, one that he had only been able to feel in this lifetime. The other man's gaze was warm and tender, a soft, rich brown, and Adam teetered uncertainly between the scene behind him and the man before him, eyes wet with tears.

"Come with me, Adam,"  was all he said, offering a hand, and Adam took it after a long moment of pause, the flesh soft and warm between his own trembling fingers.

"...Let's go," the smaller man said, stretching up to press a kiss to his lips, before turning and leading him away from the twisted wreck. 

~

Kris was awakened that night by heart wrenching little cries coming from his lover, laying naked behind him, and he immediately turned towards the other man, concern written across every angle of his face.

He found Adam asleep and obviously shivering with some dark nightmare, tangled in the messy sheets, distressed noises falling from between his parted lips.

"Adam, darling," he said, worriedly, framing the other man's gorgeous, sleeping face in his hands, but Adam was pulling out of it even as he spoke, face smoothing out, his pained noises quieted.

"You're all right, baby," Kris murmured reassuringly, watching as Adam's eyes fluttered open a few seconds later, brimming with moisture, hazy in the dull moonlight filtering through the window.

"_Kris,_" he said, after a long moment, choking on the name and reaching for his lover, burying his face into the other man's chest as hot tears rolled down his cheeks. "I was dreaming... of the crash."

Kris' eyes widened in concern and pain, and he bit his lip, softly stroking his man's back, second-guessing the decision they had made that night. "Oh, Adam, baby. I'm so sorry... Should we, should we not have...?"

"No," Adam assured him, quickly, wiping tears from his eyes. "That's not..."

He paused, then, sniffling slightly before leaning up to kiss him, so gentle it tugged on Kris' heartstrings. "I... would have nightmares of the accident, almost every night... before. But, just then... it was different. I was only a bystander, watching it happen... and then, y-you were there. You led me away from it. And then, when I woke up... I knew it was you. I knew it was you I was with."

He tightened his arms around the smaller man, a smile pressing into his neck. "I-I'm _happy. _You... We've come so far. It's not 100%, but... I'm further than I ever thought I would be, right now, with you. I, I just... I love you so much."

Kris smiled tenderly into his boy's hair, tears in his eyes. "I love you too, my gorgeous, courageous man." 

They kissed each other gently back into the embrace of sleep, then, bodies sweetly entwined, knowing that whatever tomorrow might throw at them, they would always, between the two of them, have this.

~

Kris and Adam sat together, hand in hand, the next morning, as Kim and Neil came through the door, taking seats across from them. After the special night they had spent together, Kris was more certain than ever that they were strong and in love enough to talk this through, however it might play out.

He couldn't clearly read his parent's expressions as they looked up at them, but their faces were, certainly, more open and willing to discuss, and listen, then they had been the previous day. Katy's absence was noticeable.

"...Katy left for home this morning," Kim started, seeing her son's questioning look. "She talked with us quite a bit last night. She felt... she felt that she had played out her part in this."

Kim paused, then, dropping her eyes at Kris' silence, who was waiting for her to start. "We... your father and I... are ready to discuss this, Kris. In... a realistic, truthful light, this time."


	13. Chapter 13

Kris nodded in reply to his mother's words, his heart lightening the slightest bit. It at least appeared that his parents were sincere about their willingness to listen, as well as speak. It was a clear-cut step in the right direction, certainly, after all the missteps they had taken to bring them to this point.

"That's good," Kris said, softly, thumb stroking across the back of Adam's hand. "Because I said just about everything I needed to last afternoon. Not as calmly as I should have, maybe, but... It's how I feel."

Kim nodded slowly, looking up to Neil. "And your father and I talked about what you said last night. Katy was... adamant, in a word, about the fact that you're happy with Adam... That it's where you belong. "

"It is," Kris agreed, his gratitude to Katy blooming larger in his chest as he caught the smile that curved Adam's lips, only to disappear at his mother's next words.

"She loves you, you know."

Kris' heart sank, and he looked up at his mother expecting the worse-- but her face wasn't composed into the mask it had been the previous night. She was simply stating a fact.

"I know," Kris said, quietly, thinking affectionately of the intimate night he had spent with Adam as he continued, "But... I don't want that anymore."

"We realize that now, son, after what you said to us," Neil said, placatingly, and Kris' mother interjected, hands clasped in her lap, "Regarding that matter...We apologize for bringing Katy like that, Kris. That was a foolish, near-sighted decision between the two of us. The base line of it is that we just want you to be happy, son... and we were still entertaining the idea that a wife and children would bring you that. That's the definition of 'happy' we were taught, and the one we were stuck to."

She paused, chuckling a little. "Sweet, soft-spoken little Katy basically told us that we were ridiculous for refusing to acknowledge that you're happier here with Adam than you've ever been. It shocked us, her being so set on the matter, but... It also made us realize some things."

"What things?" Kris asked, warily, still dreading, somewhere within him, that now the other shoe would fall, and the situation would deteriorate. His mom's next words rose above that expectation, however, soothing that ingrained fear.

"That you're happy here, with the life you've made," she said, quietly, sincerely. "And that we want to play an active part in your life... and we realize that that means we finally have to stop kidding ourselves about who your are and who you love."

Kris looked over at his parents, a little stunned, Adam in a similar state beside him as Kim finished, "We're sorry for how we've treated you, Kris, now and then... how we've treated both of you. I sincerely hope that your relationship continues to create such happiness for you both."

Kris was up from his seat as soon as he had fully absorbed the words. He rushed around the coffe table,  hugging his mom, who stood up to meet him.

"Mama," he mumbled, eyes wet, laughing a little and marveling at the feeling of being held with the motherly warmth that had faded after his coming out... now restored.

"I'm so sorry, Kris," she replied, voice a little shaky, tearing up as well. "The last thing we want to do is... lose you."

Kris nodded into her shoulder, before moving embrace his dad, who patted him on the back with a smile.

Adam was beside him a moment later, fingers weaving through his own, beaming, and Kris squeezed his hand lovingly.

"... How about a fresh start, then?" Adam suggested, his glowing, irresistible aura back with full force. "I'm Adam Lambert. It's nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Allen."

"Kim and Neil," Kris' father corrected, and Adam offered a hand, which was firmly shook. "I expect you'll take good care of my son?"

"Of course," Adam murmured, a warm smile playing across his lips as he wrapped an arm around his lover's waist. "I promise."

Kim didn't settle for a handshake when he turned in her direction, diving straight in for a hug.

"I'm so sorry for what we put you through, Adam... You must have thought we were awful," she said, and Adam laughed lightly, Kris' admiration for his character rising ever higher as he hugged her sincerely back.

"It's all right," he said, laying his hand on the small of Kris' back as he pulled away, stroking the flesh under the fabric with gentle fingers. "A lot of good came from it."

"I'm glad. ...So, would you two like to go out to dinner?" Kim questioned, smiling in the warm way Kris had missed. "It would be nice to catch up for a while."

"That would be great, Kim, but..." Adam trailed off, pressing a button on his watch, which read off the time as 5:06. "...But I have to be at that club where I work in less than an hour," Adam finished. "I perform there... You three should still go, anyway."

Kris had but a moment to look crestfallen before an obvious idea occurred to him. "Why don't we just come with you, baby?" Kris asked, looking up at his boyfriend's handsome face. "We could hang around with Matt for a while, and watch your set."

Adam's face lit up at the suggestion, and he nodded enthusiastically, Kris' heart warming at the sight of his lover so obviously happy. "Sounds good to me."

Kim and Neil agreed, and they made their way out of the apartment a few minutes later, heading for their cars. As soon as the car doors were shut behind them, Adam launched himself into Kris' arms, squealing delightedly, separating consul be damned.

"That went so well, baby!" he gushed, wrapping him into a warm, overwhelming bear hug, and Kris laughed, hugging him back and accepting the kiss that was pressed to his lips.

"Just wait till they hear you sing," Kris said, a smile on his lips as he stole another kiss and pulled away from the curb, turning towards Matt's.

~

Kris leaned back against his chair, a smile on his lips as he watched his parents, Adam, and Matt, contentedly listening to the conversation and basking in how seamlessly _well _things were going.

They'd entered the club and were immediately accosted by Matt, who had launched into complaining good-naturedly to Adam that he was going to be late starting, since it took him forever to get ready in the first place. Adam had laughed and told him a censored version (for Kris' parent's sake) of where to shove it, and had got a table for the five of them.

Now, a martini was dangling from Adam's graceful fingers, his dad nursing a beer as they discussed the merits of music across the decades. Adam's eyes were bright, his laugh infectious, and Kris could see his parents falling for his lover's undeniable charm, relaxing, their postures loosening.

Matt cut off the dialog a few minute's later, however, telling Adam, "C'mon, diva, you're on in ten."

"I'll show you a diva," Adam bitched, a playful glint in his eye, digging his painted fingers into Matt's side as he stood and passed, waving happily at the others.

Kris looked around, noticing for the first time that the room had gradually filled to capacity in the time they had been there, every stool and seat filled. The people still arriving stood around the sides of the stage and by the bar, drinks in hand, chatting and glancing at the stage every few minutes.

"It's packed in here," Kris pointed out, cutting off Matt's grumbled complaints about Adam abusing his boss, and the other man nodded, replying, "There's an increasing number of people who come to see him perform regularly-- he switches the set up almost every show-- confusing me and the musicians, may I add-- so it's never the same experience. But it sure is good for business, man."

Kris laughed, knowing that Matt was all hot air-- he was just as pleased about Adam's success as he was himself.

"He's got an amazing voice," Kris stated to his parents, and before anything else could be said the lights dimmed, and his captivating, gorgeous man stepped out onto stage to wild applause.

Adam's voice hit Kris with the same force it had last time as he began his first song, and Kris smiled, pleased at the impressed looks slowly spreading across his parent's faces as his lover strutted his way through the various songs in his set.

"Thanks guys!" Adam said, an hour later, after what had formerly been his last song. The room was clapping enthusiastically for him, whistles and hoots reverberating throughout the room, but he wasn't finished quite yet. "Thank you! Hey, you guys remember my lovely boyfriend Kris, right?"

Kris blushed as quite a few cat-calls were whistled in reply, and Adam laughed, continuing, "Well, his parents are with him this time... And I think the occasion calls for an impromptu duet! Sorry for springing this on you, baby... but whataya say?"

The room erupted into hoots and cheers, loudly enough that refusing wasn't an option, and Kris smiled bashfully as he joined Adam on the stage, who handed him a microphone and whispered the song and arrangement rapidly into his ear.

A few moment's later, a soft orchestral intro sounded through the speakers, and Adam took the first refrain with a smile, voice caressing over the tender words, changing the lyrics the smallest bit.

"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
Feel you smile while you are sleeping  
Far away and dreaming  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
I could stay lost in this moment, forever  
Well, every moment spent with you  
Is a moment I treasure..."

Kris' soft lower tones meshed with Adam's into the chorus, the lyrics resonating with all the emotion building within him, a seamless, perfect expression of the affection he had for the man singing sweetly beside him.

"Lying close to you  
Feeling your heart beating  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together  
And I just wanna stay with you  
In this moment forever, forever and ever..."

They ended in a perfect harmony of notes, and the room absolutely exploded before them, aw's and whistles reaching them on the stage as Kris stretched up onto his tippy-toes to press a sweet kiss to his lover's lips. He smiled up at his boyfriend as he thanked the audience, wrapping an arm around the smaller man's waist and heading off the stage.

Kris caught sight, as they descended the stairs, of his parents applauding with matching smiles on their faces, and his heart swelled in his chest.

~

As soon as the door to Adam's apartment was shut behind them, the taller man's arms were wrapped around Kris, nuzzling affectionately at his temple.

"I'm so glad they came around," the dark-haired man mumbled, half to himself, and Kris smiled, stretching up to mold their mouths together, tongues sliding softly together, the sensual dance hidden by their clinging lips. 

Kris' hand slipped up to play with the thick hair at the nape of his boyfriend's neck once they had parted, saying, after a moment, "...Is it all right if I come over late tomorrow morning? I want to see mom and dad off at the airport."

"Of course, baby," Adam agreed, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. "I'll be here."

Kris was silent for a few seconds, then, mind returning to something that had been forming in his mind over the past few weeks... something that needed to be addressed.

"Baby," Kris said, guiding him over to the couch and swinging his legs up to face him, voice soft. "I've been thinking this over, and... I think it's time I step down from this job."

Adam's face fell immediately, wide-eyed and distressed, and Kris pressed reassuring kisses all over his face, telling him, "Oh no, baby, not like that! It's just..."

He sat back, trying to find the words. "It's just... this isn't... just employment to me anymore. I've fallen in love with you; I _want _to be with you and do what I have been doing, only... without it being labeled a 'job.' I don't want to be paid anymore to be with and help the man I want to spend the rest of my life with."

Adam's lips parted, realizing what he was requesting. "But... but isn't it unfair to expect you to be here every day, and not be...?"

Kris cut him off with a gentle kiss, then, lips moving softly against his, stroking his cheek with slim fingers.

"...Being with you is all the reward I need," Kris assured him, wrapping his arms around his neck and nestling into his body, a smile on his lips. "I'll be here, just like always. When I'll see you may not be set in stone, anymore, because I'll have to pick back up my hours at the hospital, but... You aren't my client anymore, you know? You're my friend and my lover, Adam, and that's all I want."

He paused then, doubtfully, nuzzling into his throat. "I mean... If you still want a real assistant, you can hire somebody else.."

"... No, baby. You're all I need," Adam smiled, after a short pause, fingers stroking along the skin beneath the fabric of his shirt, and Kris smiled brightly in reply, tilting his chin up to meet his lips.


	14. Chapter 14

Adam lay bonelessly beside his lover, the last vibrating waves of ecstasy thrumming through his body as Kris nestled in beside him. He stroked his fingertips across Adam's chest, sighing contentedly, before gently touching his swollen lips to the other man's in a lingering kiss, tucking his head into the crook of his neck.

The smaller man murmured a string of tender words against his throat, voice already falling into the vague, sleepy mumblings of post-orgasmic haze, and Adam wrapped his arms around him, whispering love into his ear as they settled back into the sticky, tangled sheets.

Soon Kris was asleep beside him, breaths whistling softly in and out from between his teeth, and Adam shifted to a more comfortable position curved around his lover's naked, slender body, sleep evading his busy mind.

The date was the 18th of June, which really only signified one important thing to the dark-haired man-- that Kris' birthday was fast approaching.

He had browsed through about every store in the city while Kris was gone at work, searching for that illusive, perfect gift. He'd went into it with no clue what to buy-- Brad was never big on presents, because, as he said, getting closer to 30 was nothing to celebrate. He'd always set up a huge clubbing party, anyway, but hey, whatever.

He'd been frantic by the fourth day of searching, acutely aware of the days ticking away-- that was when he had laid hands on the item currently hidden deep in his desk, and, after hearing the clerk's explanation of the piece, he knew he'd found what he'd been looking for.

The decision to take the next step up, once he had had the idea, wasn't difficult. His feelings for Kris were woven through every cell of his being, and he wanted them to be manifested as a permanent, physical thing, something both he and the world could see, even if the meaning remained an intimate secret between the two of them. The appointment was set up for the day before, while Kris was at work. He'd already had it done once, how bad could it be?

Now, holding his peacefully sleeping lover in his arms, he considered the second part of the surprise, the concept of which had been not but a vague idea until that night. Kris, to his delight, had only become more and more passionate and unrestrained in bed-- Now, Adam wanted to bring that fire out even more in their love, wanted to bring that passion to another level altogether, and maybe even introduce a _little _bit of kink to the equation.

He paused to listen, making sure Kris was sleeping soundly before detaching himself and quietly tip-toeing out of bed and over to his dresser, silently opening a drawer: the one that hadn't been explored in a long while.

He rubbed the silky fabric of the item he chose between his fingers, a plan formulating in his mind even as a devilish smile curved his full lips.

~

"Hey, birthday boy!" Allison cheerfully chirped, flouncing up to him in the hospital's office, where he was signing in. "I never did get to ask... Why'd you pick up so many of your hours again? Did Adam finally get tired of you holding out on him?"

Kris turned his face away, a blush heating his cheeks even as a guilty smile crossed his lips. He had, ah, _neglected _to tell his best friend that she had been totally right about him being hung up on Adam... and about the fact that they were a thing and were having sex, but that wasn't the point. He figured it didn't count anyway, because they hadn't been then.

"Not quite," Kris said, carefully, and Allison, catching the look that crossed his face, slapped his arm commandingly, her eyes gone wide, sparkling with triumph.

"I _knew _it!" she crowed, before turning on him in a flash. "You didn't think to tell me, you sonuva--?"

"Because I knew you would react like this!" Kris defended, but Allison ignored him, already absorbed in a gleeful celebration of her impeccable intuitive sense. "Oh yes, I knew you would get him, stupid, you didn't believe me but--"

Her high-speed monologue was interrupted by Kris' phone beeping in his pocket, and he fished it out, Allison too wrapped up in her victory to even chew him out for forgetting to turn it off.

_Happy b-day boo! C u @ lunch :D_

A smile curved Kris' lips as he read the text, and Allison's mouth parted into an 'o', delighted with the juiciness of the unfolding situation. "He even sends you sweet texts that make you smile like a dope?! Oh my god."

"Shut up," Kris protested, weakly, as Allison looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "... I'll have to come and visit you two soon. It'll be quite different, seeing him and knowing he's banging my best frie--"

The door to the office door shut firmly behind Kris' retreating back as he chirruped a hasty goodbye, cutting her off, and her good-natured laughter followed him out the door as he made his escape.

~

Kris hurried to his lover's apartment as soon as he was let off for lunch, excited. However, when he arrived, the last thing he expected to find was a sign taped onto his door: a sign showing a hastily drawn arrow, pointing further along the hallway.

Kris followed it obediently, perplexed, but the pieces soon clicked into place when, at the end of the hallway, he found a glass door that led out into a tiny, fragrant garden. He took in the scene before him with a tender smile: a blanket spread across the grass in one corner of the garden, a picnic basket resting atop it, along with a gorgeous man, who was smiling over at him, having heard the door open.

Adam opened his arms for him as he approached, and Kris snuggled down against his body, pressing his smile into his neck. "Hey there."

"Happy birthday, baby," Adam replied, smiling brightly down at him, and Kris stretched up to plant a sweet kiss on his lips, carding his fingers through his thick hair. "Thank you."

He took a moment to look around the small grassy area, bright flowers and bushes bordering the high wooden fence. "This is fantastic, Adam. Since when do apartment complexes have gardens?"

"This one does," Adam laughed, pressing a kiss to his temple and rocking him a little. "I sit out here sometimes. I thought you would like it."

"I love it," Kris murmured in assurance, laying his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders and tilting his face up to close his lips around the other man's, tongue sliding softly in between his parted lips to caress along Adam's. His stomach grumbled, however, as the kiss deepened, and Kris broke away, looking down at it. "I'm hungry."

Adam chuckled and hugged him tightly before letting him go, saying, "Have no fear-- I came prepared, honey."

He then proceeded to open the basket sitting beside them, pulling out all the things necessary for a picnic: sandwiches, lemonade, various fruit, napkins, plates, and a piece of what looked to be mouth-watering cheesecake.

"Allison told me you like cheesecake," Adam explained as he pulled that out, and he laughed, apparently anticipating the look that came over his face. "She called to see what I was doing for you. Don't worry, baby, she didn't make any sex jokes. ....Well, she said she wouldn't come over tonight to visit 'cause we'd be 'busy', but for Allison that doesn't really count."

Kris laughed, hiding his head into the other man's chest when Adam raised a hand to his cheek, feeling the heat radiating off from his blush. "True enough."

"Let's eat, then, my sexy bashful man," Adam laughed, and they proceeded to dig in, Kris nestled back against the strong curves of Adam's thighs, loathe to break contact. By the end of the meal, he did have to grudgingly thank Allison, because, c'mon, that cheesecake was fuckin' _amazing._

Twenty minutes later, with a warm smile and a full belly, Kris turned around to hug his boyfriend. "Thank you, baby. That was a great present."

"That's not it!" Adam exclaimed, looking mock-scandalized that he could even think that, and Kris laughed, nuzzling in for a kiss. "Then what's the rest?"

Adam paused for a second, before reaching back into the depths of the picnic basket and fishing out a small, thin black box, tied with a red bow. "I also got you this."

Kris took the box from his boyfriend, fingers pulling on the edges of the bow and setting it gently aside, before opening the box and looking into it.

Inside was a beautiful silver pendant, a small, intricate metal knot hanging from the center, and Kris smiled softly, fingering the cool metal chain. "Thank you so much, Adam," Kris breathed, pressing a gentle kiss to his lover's smile. "It's gorgeous."

He clasped it around his neck, and Adam's finger rubbed against it where it lay just below his collarbones, saying, "It's a beautiful piece... but I also chose it for what it means. It's a Celtic love knot. It signifies love without end or beginning-- that's why the knot has no start or end. It means eternity... infinity."

The tender emotions swelling in Kris' heart overflowed as he took in the words, realizing that the gift meant so much more than just a gorgeous piece of jewelry, and he wrapped his arms around his lover's waist, kissing him lovingly.

"That's still not all," Adam said, a smile curving his lips as he slowly rolled up the sleeve of his shirt. "I have part of it for me, too."

The fabric pulled away to reveal the skin of his wrist, where his eye tattoo was etched... and, below it, vibrant on the pale, freckled skin, was a blue infinity sign.

Kris was usually of the opinion that engraving declarations of love onto yourself was unwise, but this was so different, so much deeper and sweeter a gesture. It declared that Adam loved him enough-- _believed_ in them enough-- to make their bond a permanent part of him.

_"Baby,"  _Kris breathed, taking his wrist into his palm, thumb stroking gently over the image, and a small smile played across Adam's lips as he took him into his arms.

"Do you like it?" he asked, and Kris replied by molding their mouths together into a tender kiss, stroking his lover's jaw and his shoulders, fingers always returning to caress over the soft skin of his wrist. "Yes, Adam, it's... I can't even say."

Adam leaned them slowly forward until Kris was on his back on the blanket, the larger man half on top of him, leaning onto his elbows. Their lips met and caught in a sensual dance, and Kris' fingers played with the thick, dark hair at the back of his boyfriend's head. He moaned quietly into his lover's mouth as Adam's hands explored his neck and the strong musculature of his chest, fingers rubbing against the stiff buds of his nipples, trapped beneath the sweater he had tugged on over his scrubs.

"...As much as I would love to do this," Kris breathed into his boyfriend's mouth, the fingers of one hand entwined in his hair as he held himself up with the other elbow, "I have to be back for my next shift in fifteen minutes."

Adam pouted above him, before stealing another kiss, coaxing Kris' tongue into his mouth and keeping it there for a few seconds with gentle tugs. Kris let himself be absorbed into the heat for a few more minutes, the slow burn of making out smoldering deep in his belly, nipping at lover's lips and tracing the contours of his mouth with his tongue.

He finally pulled away and sighed deeply, taking one more deep, lingering press of lips before sitting up. 

"I really have to go, babe," Kris said, unhappy with the prospect. "Do you need any help cleaning up?"  
   
Adam replied by wrapped him into a warm hug, saying, "No, I've got it, honey. I'll see you tonight."

"Okay," Kris agreed, pecking him on the lips once more before turning to gather up the box he had left on the blanket, noticing for the first time the other item in the small box: what the necklace had been resting on. He pulled it out and held it between his fingers, looking curiously at the thin strip of delicate black lace. "What's this, Adam?"

A devious smile curved across Adam's lips for a moment when he realized what he had found, and he leaned in, whispering into his ear, voice low and seductive, "That's a hint of what's coming tonight, baby."

A slow, luxurious shiver traveled down Kris' spine in response to the sensual words, and he turned, placing a hot kiss on his lips. "I can't wait," he murmured, half-smiling, before standing and saying goodbye, head buzzing with all the possibilities of Adam's surprise.


	15. Chapter 15

Kris arrived at Adam's apartment exactly twenty minutes after being let out from work, and yeah, maybe he'd driven a little on the speedy side to get here so quickly, but with the way his stomach was squirming, he just kind of had to. Adam was waiting for him.

He rang the doorbell for the first time instead of using his key, not wanting to barge in on any secret preparations. His foot tapped anxiously against the floor as he waited, every second seeming to stretch on for eternities at a time, his fingers almost-unconsciously playing with the necklace clasped around his throat.

He'd been kind of out of it ever since lunch, earning himself quite a few smirks and some innuendo from Allison, but, wrapped up in his pondering, aroused thoughts as he was, he really hadn't taken much notice. He'd probably regret that when she was teasing him about it in a week, but whatever.

He'd rushed home after work to change into his current outfit, figuring that scrubs were probably not the best choice of attire for whatever was coming-- not that any attire at all would probably be required, but you know, decency and all... which, at this point, Kris found kind of overrated.

The lace had baffled him more than anything; he truthfully didn't know what to expect. He hadn't had many encounters with men before Adam, at any rate, and his prior relationships with woman tended to be pretty vanilla. At this point, however, he was kind of getting the impression that Adam was very, _very_ non-vanilla.

That knowledge didn't in the least prepare him for the sight that greeted him when the door opened a few moments later, and his eyes widened, even as his cock stiffened a little beneath the denim of his dark jeans.

The frilly apron was the first thing that caught his eye, a seemingly innocent gesture, certainly, especially considering the delicious scent of dinner wafting out through the doorway-- but it was what was below it, or rather what _wasn't, _that made his cock jerk in interest and his breathing hitch.

The apron fell to the top of the thighs, bearing the tongue-in-cheek comment "I kiss better than I cook," and below the hemline stretched an endless expanse of toned, smooth leg. Kris' eyes caressed down them like his tongue was kind of dying to do, and his lips parted as he traced the firm curve of his calves, giving way to delicate ankles and red, shimmering high heels.

He towered over Kris in them, and he looked up into his lover's face, stunned speechless. The other man's eyes were smokey, his deliciously plump, red-painted lips curved into a devious, seductive smile, obviously fully aware of the lust he was inciting.

"Hey, baby," he purred, fucking _purred, _casually leaning against the door frame, his eyes heavy-lidded and dark, the tendons in his thighs tightening. "Come in. I made you dinner."

He turned around, then, heading towards the kitchen, and Kris very nearly moaned in disbelief and desire as his eyes slid over his back, the view unobscured by the apron.

The long, graceful curve of his back was completely bare, save for the freckles scattered across his shoulders like someone had tossed them there in a game of heavenly dice, forming hundreds of nameless constellations across the milky flesh. The pale arch of skin sloped down to meet the tight swell of his ass, which was clothed, to Kris' immediate arousal, in tight, red panties, edged with delicate black lace.

The muscles of his legs worked as he walked away, his heels clicking across the linoleum in the kitchen, and all Kris could do was to follow behind, his cock full and straining against the zipper of his jeans, aching to touch the exotic beauty strutting along ahead of him.

The table in the kitchen was set, Kris saw, with a maroon tablecloth and Adam's best china; two tall, elegant candles lit the center in a soft glow that contrasted the smoldering heat the man across the room was alighting in his belly. Kris noticed, vaguely, that there was soft music playing from somewhere, but the melodies captured his attention for only a moment before he strode up to Adam and pressed up against his long frame, curling his fingers into his thick, dark hair and dragging him down far enough to kiss him roughly, lips hot and hungry, communicating the swelling waves of lust beating against the walls of his chest.

He slid his hands from his lover's hair and across the slope of his shoulders, fingers rubbing against the rough fabric of his apron before wandering along his sides and his bare back. He sighed a moan against Adam's lips as his hands slipped down across the silk of his panties, like water somehow tamed into fabric, edged with rough lace, and he kneaded the firm flesh beneath his palms, earning a rough nip to his bottom lip. "Adam..."

Adam kissed him back for a few more moments before pulling away, placing a finger to Kris' mouth when he whimpered, red lips pouting just so. "You have to eat first, baby."

"...You evil, evil man," Kris said, his attempt at humor ruined by the desire thrumming through his veins and quivering in his words, and Adam chuckled, slowly, voice rough-edged with pleasure.

"Don't you want to have dinner with me, baby? I worked all evening," Adam purred into his ear, palming his cock for a moment, and Kris stuttered out a vague, "Y-yes, but... Ooh..."

Adam stepped back a few feet, then, expression slipped into a smoldering, sensual look, his thick fringe of eyelashes heavy against his cheeks as he reached around to untie the apron from around his waist, his long arms and toned biceps in sharp relief for a moment as he pulled the heavy fabric over his head and tossed it away.

Kris choked on whatever was working it's way out of his throat as he gazed helplessly at the man before him, pressing the heel of his hand against his aching dick.

His lover's muscular chest was bare, his nipples stiffened into tight pink buds, and Kris bit his lip to the point of pain as his eyes found the bulge swelling out from beneath his firm stomach. His thick, erect cock was barely held in by the red, silk panties not meant to house it, the ridges clearly defined under the thin fabric, darkened with precome over the flare of his cockhead. His legs were long, sculpted stretches of lean muscle and sinew as he leaned against the counter, thoughtfully crossing his ankles, one high-heeled foot tapping slowly against the floor.

"Well, _I'm _hungry, anyway," he said, seeming to consider for a moment before reaching out, and before Kris could react with more than a surprised yelp, he had wrapped him up in his long limbs and spun gracefully, hoisting him up onto the countertop.

"You'll do," he leered, devilish in his erotic seduction, Kris' shirt somehow already gone and his jeans pulled down his wide-spread thighs, and the smaller man groaned a deep, grating note, fingers clenching into he dark head between his thighs as the other man bent to mouth at the length of his cock through his boxers, an animal starving for his next meal.

"Please, oh god, Adam," Kris gasped, hands scrabbling against his lover's shoulders as quick fingers pulled away his boxers, and he spread his thighs wide as Adam threw them away, his cock standing at attention, smearing wet trails of precome across the quivering flesh of his belly.

Adam kissed and nipped at the firm curve of his inner thighs, teasingly, smears of red lipstick adorning the milky-white flesh in vibrant, lewd streaks of color, and Kris threw his head back with a moan, barely registering the shock of it connecting with the cabinet behind him.

"Baby, oh, _please," _Kris pleaded, unabashedly begging now, wrecked with lust as Adam suckled the leaking head of his cock, and he recognized, even in his haze of sensation, the very moment his lover's restraint shattered; his manicured hands grabbing hold of his trembling thighs and pressing him back onto the countertop, taking his cock deep into the hot tightness of his throat.

Kris wailed Adam's name to the ceiling as his wicked lover bobbed along the stiff, velvet rod of flesh between his thighs, saliva glistening wetly against the angry-red length of it, his words reduced to a garbled mess of vowels and half-formed pleas as he knotted his fingers into the thick hair at the back of the other man's head.

He bucked up, a helpless sweating mess of limbs and lust as Adam touched his tongue to the bundle of frenzied nerves beneath his cockhead, and he fucked his lover's mouth with rough, stuttering thrusts, Adam taking it with his eyes closed, lips wet and shining, stretched taut around the length of him.

The friction of it was suddenly, simply_ too_ much, the wet snugness of his lover's throat and the sight of his body bowed over him, lips wrapped around his swollen cock-- all pale freckled skin and silk and long eyelashes laying in fans against his cheekbones, and Kris closed his eyes against the rush of buzzing, crushing pleasure even as his stomach clenched around his orgasm, writhing on the countertop warmed with the heat of their bodies.

His muscles shivered through his release as he spilled the proof of his pleasure into his lover's willing mouth, and Adam swallowed him down, throat working sensually as his strong fingers massaged the shaking curve of his thighs.

Kris lay still once the pulsing waves of ecstasy had evened out into a slow buzz, his hand clenching into his own hair as his breaths sawed in and out of his chest, his legs lying limp over the edge of the granite.

A steaming kiss was pressed to his lips a few moments later, and Kris opened his eyes to find his lover standing over him, eyes glazed with lust and hunger, his lips swollen and parted in harsh breaths, and the sight of his cock, thick and angry peeking out from over the top of his panties, was enough motivation for Kris' limbs to somehow hold him as he slid off the counter.

He took Adam's hand and pulled him along to the bedroom, pushing him back onto the sheets once they had entered, arousal stirring deep in his belly despite his softened, utterly worn-out cock. He stared down at the picture before him, a filthy, sordid fantasy straight from the shadowiest corner of his mind: Adam spread out across the sheets, his body glistening with sweat, his long, sculpted legs spread wide with wanton abandonment, cock straining against silk and lace.

His hair was fanned across his face in a black, mussed spray of strands, his face pointed towards the heavens, waiting, and Kris dragged his legs further apart, slender ankles smooth beneath his fingertips.

_"...Adam," _he groaned, with dawning realization, nuzzling his face into the curve of his calf, his tongue rasping over the smooth, silky skin. "You... oh my god."

All Adam could manage was a shaky nod in reply, and Kris ran his palms up and down the endless stretch of hairless, shining flesh, fingers pressing into the trembling muscles of his thighs and spreading him wider, balls peeking out from their silken prison.

Kris sucked marks into the soft skin of his thighs as Adam mewled little helpless noises above him, hips twitching, hand sneaking down to palm his cock through the fabric of his panties.

Kris smacked it away reprovingly, but took the hint, rubbing the thick length of his dick for a few moments before hooking his fingers into the waistband of the panties and pulling them down across the length of his legs, tossing them somewhere behind him. 

He turned back to the man laying beneath him, then, naked save for his unabashedly sexy red pumps, and Kris' mouth went dry at the pure, primal heat of it-- Adam spread out beneath him like an offering to the god of gay sex, panting, eyes heavy-lidded and dark.

"Kris," Adam moaned, voice low and rough, a simple plea, and it hit him, then: a primal, undeniable desire bubbling up in his gut, a need that was rooted deeper into his being than even lust; a concrete, unquestionable thing, and all Kris could do was press Adam's legs back and spread him wide, eyes closing as his tongue rasped wetly across his lover's body.

Adam's legs spasmed in pleasure where they fell around his shoulders, his lips uttering a surprised little noise as Kris' long, seeking tongue messily swiped across the tight ring of his entrance, puckered skin quivering against the strong organ.

Kris let his instinct take over as Adam's pleased, desperate cries echoed throughout the room, drowning out the wet noises of his suckling mouth, his jaw aching deliciously as his tongue played circles around the twitching muscle. He worked him open as Adam's thighs trembled around him, fucking into him with quick little jabs of his tongue, tasting skin and spit and Adam. He was lost in the heat of it, in the sight of Adam writhing above him, one hand tugging at the hard bud of a nipple as the other worked roughly over his leaking cock, sliding flushed and wet between his stroking fingers.

Adam hit his climax with a wailing cry, white jets of come shooting from between his fingers and onto his stomach, and his body pulsed against Kris' swollen mouth as he bucked and shivered through his orgasm, fucked raw and loose by his tongue.

Soon, the shivers wracking Adam's body had played themselves out, and he gasped in air like he'd been drowning, fingers clenching into the bedsheets at his side as Kris rolled over onto his back, splayed out beside him.

"...Adam Mitchel Lambert," Kris said, once he could breath again, laughing a little, "You're _hint_ did _not _prepare me for you walking to the door in _panties _and _high heels."_

"It wouldn't have been so much fun if you were prepared," Adam pointed out, voice cracked and breathless, and Kris snuggled into his side, running his fingers along the shaved length of his thigh and mumbling, "True enough."

Adam pulled the pillowcase off one of the extra pillows, using it to haphazardly wipe the come from his stomach before dropping it off the side of the bed, along with his heels. He turned and spooned up behind Kris, then, eyes sleepy and content. "S'as good as it's gonna get tonight, baby."

Kris chuckled, craning his head around to mold their mouths together for a few moments, sweetly. "This has kind of been the best birthday ever. Just so you know." Adam chuckled a little into his neck, kissing the pale arch of skin and replying, "I'm glad, baby."

Kris smiled, more comfortable in their sweaty, skin-to-skin embrace than he had been in a long time. "...It is a shame we never got to eat the dinner you made, though."

"Luckily, I saw that coming," Adam laughed, splaying a hand out over the other man's stomach. "I put it in the fridge right before you showed up. We can have it tomorrow."

"Good thinking, you smart man," Kris mumbled, already slipping away, as he had the tendency to do, and Adam chuckled tenderly, pressing a kiss to his ear. "I love you."

"I love you too," Kris sighed in reply, his lover's arms tightening around him as he slipped into the dark realm of sleep, and, when he dreamed that night, it was of Adam.


	16. Chapter 16

Adam awoke the next morning to a loud strain of "Fame" blaring from his cell phone, and he rolled over with a groan, burying his face into the pillow. He felt Kris shift on the mattress a moment later as the noise woke him as well, soft hair brushing his cheek as his boyfriend snuffled sleepily, stretching out long against him.

"...Do parents have some kind of internal sex-indicator?" Adam asked no one in particular, recognizing the ringtone he'd set for his mom. "Because they always seem to call the morning after great sex to wake me up."

"That would be creepy," Kris mumbled, not really awake, and Adam chuckled, fumbling around the bedside table until his hand fell on the small rectangular form of his phone.

"Hello?" Adam groggily answered, flipping the phone open, and his mom brightly replied, "Morning, sunshine! Who's still in bed at eleven...?"

"C'mon, you know I like to sleep in," Adam replied, rubbing a hand over his eyes and grinning. "We had a bit of a party for Kris' birthday last night, too."

Kris snorted.

"Oh, that's nice," Leila replied, luckily not picking up on the sexual undertones of his statement. "Tell him happy birthday for me."

She paused once he had relayed the message and Kris' thanks, a thick, loaded gap in the conversation-- trying to gauge his reaction to what she was going to say next, perhaps. "Anyway, I called to invite you and Kris to the family reunion next Friday... I thought, with how things have been going, that you might like to go this year."

Adam's eyebrows bunched; he'd truthfully forgotten that the date of the yearly Lambert family reunion was approaching. He hadn't been to the event, which was basically a huge party set at his parent's house, since the accident-- the thought of being around so many people, of having to deal with the subtle pity and awkward skirting around the subject of the accident, had made him sick to his stomach, before. As stuck in his shadowed past as he had been at that point of time, all that had come from interaction with other people was excruciating reminders of what he'd lost.

He thought carefully before answering, considering. He'd already come so far, he knew, had gained so much-- with Kris at his side, he knew he could face the challenge with his chin up and his shoulders set. It would be nice to see all his family, at any rate, many of whom he hadn't been in touch with for several years. It would be an opportunity to reconnect with those he had pushed away, to start afresh with the light of his life at his side.

"That would be great, mom," he finally accepted, his mind made up, and his mom took a breath before saying, slowly, "But, I feel it's only fair to tell you that, since the accident, we have continued to invite the Bell's. Our families are still close. But, if they being there would make you uncomfortable, I'm sure they would understand..."

Adam's smile disappeared as he took in the words, and he bit his bottom lip between his teeth, nerves pricking against his skin. _...Brad's parents, and his brother...?_

His resolve slowly reformed in his chest, however, as he felt Kris' gentle fingers stroke his cheek, questioningly, obviously worried at the expression that had stolen over his features. He cuddled closer to his man in reply, inhaling the soothing scent of him and drawing the last of the strength he needed from their embrace.

"... No, mom, it's fine," Adam said, carefully but firmly. "Invite them. It's... something I have to work through."

"Are you sure, honey?" she asked, worry laced through her soft tones, and Adam knew immediately what she was thinking of-- she was remembering his flashback, and that only served to strengthen his determination. He wouldn't let that dark demon of his past beat him... not while he was alive to fight.

"Yes," he assured her. "I'll talk to Kris about it and see if the date is good for him. I'll let you know, okay?"

"Okay, sweetheart," Leila agreed, then paused, her voice filtering warm through his phone's speaker. "I'm proud of you, Adam."

"Thanks, mom," Adam replied, a smile on his lips, rubbing his cheek absently against Kris' hair. "I'll talk to you later. I love you."

"I love you too, Adam," she replied, and Adam hung the phone up once they had exchanged their goodbyes, turning over to better embrace his lover, an arm slung over his waist. 

"...What was that about, Adam? Are you... are you okay?" Kris asked, concerned, and Adam simply nodded, rubbing their noises affectionately together and stealing a quick kiss from his lips. "Yes, sweetness. I'll tell you about it in a minute."

He paused. "I hope you don't mind chicken alfredo for breakfast...?"

Kris chuckled, voice low and rough with sleep, draping a heavy thigh comfortably over his legs. "Sounds great to me, baby. It's late enough to be lunchtime, anyway."

"True," Adam said, propping himself up on one elbow and stroking his face, a devilish, teasing smile curving his lips. "But you certainly needed the rest, considering how you went to town on me last night."

Kris laughed a little, surprised and embarrassed, Adam delighting in the blush that heated the soft flesh under his fingertips.

"...I love how you blush for me," Adam murmured into his ear, sensual-warm, and he pulled away with a laugh when Kris' face only got hotter, the smaller man swatting at his hand with a vague laughing mumble.

"C'mon then, bashful," Adam teased, sitting up and pulling his boyfriend from the bed.

~

"Oh my god," Kris said, staring down at the pasta on his plate with wide eyes. "This is so good. Even for breakfast."

Adam laughed across from him, his hair a tangle of crazy, sleep-mussed angles, still snuffling sleepily every now and then. "Thank you," the taller man smiled, leaning across the elaborately set table, and Kris accepted the firm press of his lips, mouth opening lazily to allow their tongues to slide together for a few moments. "I'm glad you like it... it's my mom's recipe. She's always been a fuckin' amazing cook."

"...I kind of have to take back every time I've made fun of you for burning something, now," Kris admitted, and Adam chuckled lowly, settling back into his chair.

Kris paused after a few more bites of the creamy alfredo, looking up at his lover. "....So what did your mom call about, baby?"

"She invited us to the family reunion," he replied, looking down at his food, expression unreadable, even as Kris' face lit up at the prospect. "Oh, that's really cool! I'd love to meet the rest of your family."

"Yeah," Adam said, biting his lip, and Kris' bright expression fell away, his eyebrows scrunching in concern. "What's wrong?"

"It's just..." Adam began, trailing off as he though how to verbalize his feelings. "I haven't gone since the accident. My family is amazing, and they were all supportive, but... it's a hard subject for other people to handle, you know? I knew going would just make things awkward, and make me... remember."

He paused, then, mind going to the facet of the situation that was the main supplier of his uncertainty. "Also... the Bell's-- that's Brad's last name-- are going to be there. His parents and his brother, probably. Mom said she would work it out with them, if them being there would make me nervous, but... I told her to go ahead and invite them."

"Adam..." Kris said, Adam hearing as he left his seat and moved around the table. He opened his arms for him, and Kris settled into his lap, taking his hands between his own. "You've been so brave, baby, and I couldn't be more proud of you... But are you sure us going is a good idea? What if, what if you have another flashback?" Kris shuddered. "The first was awful enough."

"I might," Adam admitted, unwilling to lie to his lover. "But... I really, really want to do this. I _know_ I have to at least try. If I want to beat this thing, I... I have to face it. I can't just run away. That's what I used to do, before I met you... and it got me nowhere."

"...Okay, Adam," Kris agreed, after a moment, realizing that his lover's mind was made up. He snuggled up against the other man's body, pressing a small smile into his neck as he said, "My gorgeous, courageous man."

Adam smiled, glowing at Kris' words and nuzzling in for a kiss, wrapping him tighter into his embrace, the remnants of their meal forgotten for the moment.

"...So, what's the rest of your family like?" Kris questioned, a minute later, and Adam's lips quirked thoughtfully, pausing to consider. "We're not a little family, as I'm sure the reunion has implied-- we have about every personality trait embodied somewhere in the family tree. It sure makes for some great parties."

Kris chuckled, nestling into his neck, and Adam continued, "I'm sure all my grandparents and aunts and uncles and little cousins will be there. You'll know a lot of Lamberts by the time you're done, that's for sure. They'll adore you, I guarantee it."

They'd just twined together into a smiling kiss when Kris' phone beeped in his pocket, and he fished it out, looking down at the small lit screen. 

"Allison texted," he reported, opening the message and grimacing down at the nickname that greeted him.

_Morning Krissifer!!! :D_

"What'd she say?" Adam asked, curiously, and Kris quickly replied, "Good morning." There was no way he was letting Adam get a hold of Allison's ridiculous pet names. No way.

_Hi._

Aw, are u grumpy? Did I interrupt morning-after cuddles?

He kind of hated how astute she tended to be.

_-.- perv. why r u so obsessed with my sex life?_

'Cause ur funny when you blush. Makes you look like a embarrassed little tomato. Which Adam told me personally he likes. Om nom nom ;)

The next message came in before he could tap in a reply.

_... R u blushing?_

NO! 

heh heh. So, can I come over 2 Adam's today? Wanna c u both, and need 2 talk 2 ur man about somethin'.

....I'm scared.

C'mon, Krissy, it'll be fun! :D

*sigh* Lemme ask Adam.

"Alli wants to come over today to see us," Kris said, smoothing his hands over Adam's chest, and Adam smiled, rocking him a bit. "Sounds good to me. Don't worry, baby-- beneath the whole picking-fun-at-you thing, she really does love you."

"I know," Kris sighed, smiling and shooting off quick text.

_Adam says sure. Come over two-ish?_

K! :D Address?

Kris typed in Adam's address and sent it off, before slipping his phone back into his pocket and standing up.

"How about we clean up and get dressed, babe? I have a feeling coming to the door looking like this would just invite innuendo," Kris grinned, looking down at their mussed hair and the pajama pants they had pulled on, and Adam laughed, standing after him and pressing a loud kiss to his cheek. 

"Good plan."

~

An hour, one joint shower, and two outfit changes later, Adam and Kris were presentable to receive company. Their libido had been satisfied by their little shower romp, and they were a tangle of smiling kisses and giggles as they wandered into the kitchen.

"...We should probably clean this up," Kris sighed resignedly, looking out at the remains of their 'breakfast', and Adam nodded his reluctant agreement, squeezing Kris around the middle and stealing another sweet kiss before releasing him.

They quickly cleared the table, Kris throwing the tablecloth into the laundry to be washed as Adam piled dishes into the sink.

"You wash, I dry?" Adam suggested, once that was finished, and Kris voiced his agreement, starting up the water and grabbing the scrubbing brush.

Kris absently scrubbed at one of the plates, not noticing Adam winding up his dish towel until it snapped across his ass, stinging him through the denim of his jeans.

"Adam!" Kris said, surprised, and Adam laughed, twirling the towel thoughtfully. "I didn't know I could still do that so well."

"Mean," Kris snuffled, mock-hurt, but Adam didn't fall for it, leaning in and squeezing his ass cheek. "You know you like it."

The unexpected caress made him jump a little, the plate he was washing slipping from his fingers and splashing into the sink, effectively sending soap suds flying into the air.

Kris looked over to find Adam's eyes squeezed shut and his nose scrunched, a glob of white suds sticking to the end of it, and they stood in stunned silence for a moment before Kris burst out laughing, clutching his stomach.

Adam only wiped the soap off his nose with two fingers, before smiling wickedly and reaching into the sink for a handful, mushing the white bubbles against Kris' cheek, the glob breaking apart and raining down over his neck and shoulder.

"ADAM!" Kris exclaimed, barely giving Adam the time to say, "Payback, darling," before he was tackling him, a handful of his own splattering across the other man's shirt.They ended up on the kitchen floor, somehow, rolling around as they wrestled for the dominant stance, foam leaving wet spots on their clothes as it was mushed between their wriggling bodies.

Adam rolled over top of Kris, straddling his thighs and pinning his wrists to the floor with a triumphant "Aha!", celebrating his victory. Kris lay submissively beneath him for a moment, before abruptly gathering his strength and heaving Adam off of him, the larger man letting out a surprised "Oof!" as his back connected with the kitchen floor.

Kris clambered up onto him, pinning his biceps to the floor and laughing triumphantly. Adam went limp below him, a smile on his face as he panted, a white bundle of soap suds still clinging to his bangs. "I give up, oh dominant one. Uncle."

"Good," Kris laughed, breathlessly, letting go of his arms and relaxing down onto him, both of them giggling a little as they kissed.

Then the doorbell rang.

"Oh, shit," Kris said, looking up at the 2:06 displayed on the wall clock, and he laughed, dropping his forehead gently down against Adam's. "Well, so much for being ready for company."

Adam chuckled and stole another firm press of lips, before hefting Kris off of him and standing. "How about I get the door, and you mop up this floor?" he chuckled, and Kris agreed, grabbing the roll of paper towels and wiping up the mess of water and suds they had left, a smile on his lips.

He heard Adam greeting Allison at the door, and a few seconds later they both walked into the kitchen, Allison stopping and looking down at Kris kneeling on the floor, wiping up water and soap.

"Hi," he said, innocently, and Allison looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. "For once, I'm not even gonna ask."

"It's usually better not to," Adam agreed, wisely, and Kris stuck his tongue out, standing up and throwing away the wad of paper towels.

"So, Krissifer and Adam, do I get a tour?" Allison asked, once he was finished, and Adam's eyes lit up immediately. _"Krissifer?" _

"Oh, yes," Allison said, waving a hand and looking evilly at Kris. "He _loves _that pet name."

"No I don't!" Kris assured him, hurriedly, taking Adam's hand and pushing Allison out towards the rest of the house with the other. "Tour time!"

Allison gushed over Adam's decor as she was ushered through the various rooms, Adam beaming and laughing with her. Kris could see a great friendship budding, and the thought warmed his heart, despite the fact that they just played off of each other with their love of playfully picking on him.

"And, finally," Adam said, approaching the final room and throwing the door open, gesturing inside. "Our bedroom."

They had changed the sheets and thrown the bedspread back on, luckily, so the bed no longer looked like a sex-mussed mess... but, Kris, watching as Allison's eyebrows raised and a giggle escaped her throat, followed her gaze to find that they had, unfortunately, forgotten to put away the heels that were currently laying on the floor by the bed.

"Kris, why are there red...?" she started, slyly, Kris panicking as Adam, the fucker, just looked up at the ceiling and whistled innocently.

"No reason!" he exclaimed, loudly, a blush heating his cheeks despite his best efforts as he pushed her out and shut the door.

He turned around to find Allison and Adam standing together, giggling.

"It's okay if you want to be tall, Krissy," Allison smirked, ruffling his hair, and Kris groaned, hiding his fiery blush into Adam's chest and mumbling, mortified, "They aren't mine."

"It's okay, Kris," Adam cooed, still laughing a little beneath his breath as he stroked his hair. "We could have left worse."

"You're not helping!" he exclaimed, and Allison laughed, leaning back against the hallway wall and mercifully changing the subject. "Anyway.... Adam, there's something I was planning on talking to you about... something I think you'd be interested in. Would you like to go to lunch?"

"Sure," Adam agreed, and Kris pouted at the the lack of invitation for him.

"Aw, don't be sad Krissy," Allison said, ruffling his hair. "It's only because I bet he'll want to talk to you about it himself afterwards, alone."

"Okay," Kris agreed, accepting the goodbye kiss Adam pressed to his lips and watching as they left together, wondering what Allison had in store.

~

Adam returned alone an hour later, a folder held in his free hand and an excited light in his eyes.

Kris turned off the TV, watching with a grin as Adam set his cane against the couch and sat down next to him, a wide smile barely contained behind his expression.

"Welcome home," Kris said, wondering at the cause behind his lover's obvious joy as Adam set the folder in his hands down on the coffee table. "What did Allison want to talk about?"

Adam's eyes were bright as he thought about how to answer, his lips twitching as he fought to keep his expression level. "Well... How would you feel about adding another member to our little family, baby?"

Kris' eyes popped open wide, a stunned little "Um," falling from his lips in reply, and Adam laughed, drawing him into his arms and cuddling him close to his body.

"I'm sorry, that was mean," he laughed, nuzzling his face into Kris' neck as the other man's shocked expression slowly leveled out.

"...What the hell did Allison say to you?" Kris finally managed, laughing a little, and Adam chuckled, pressing a kiss to his lips and stroking his thumb over his cheekbone. 

"I meant a dog," Adam clarified, grinning. "A guide dog. She told me about a program up in San Rafael-- Guide Dogs for the Blind."

"Oh. Oh, wow, Adam!" Kris exclaimed, the near heart-attack he'd had a few moments ago falling from the front of his mind as he took in the words. "A guide dog? That's so fantastic, baby! What's the program like?"

"Here," Adam said, excitedly, grabbing the folder on the table and flipping it open, offering the first page to Kris. Kris took it, looking down at the application-- a transcript of the same page in Braille was stapled to it.

"It's the application," Adam explained, looking like he was about to start clapping happily. "There's actually a campus up in San Rafael. You apply, and they call you to discuss the program and whatnot. Then a representative comes to your house to assess your home environment and your mobility level and everything-- They transport you up to the campus if you're accepted, then, where they match you with your dog. You stay there for two weeks and train with him. Or her."

"That's great!" Kris said, looking through the other papers containing more detailed information about the program. His eyes almost popped out of his head when he read one of the lines on the page. "And it's  
 _free_?"

"Yup!" Adam chirped. "They take care of absolutely everything. It sounds like such an amazing program, Kris-- I'd thought about a guide dog before, but I never knew this type of thing even existed."

"I'm so happy for you, baby," Kris murmured, lovingly, setting the papers aside to hug him tightly, and Adam smiled into his hair, rocking him. "Well, I'd need to be accepted before anything is certain... But it sounds like such a great opportunity. I'd be able to get around so much easier... _and _get to have a pet."

He looked up at Kris, then, softly stroking his cheek. "You wouldn't mind having a dog in the house, would you, baby?" he asked, honestly sounding worried, and Kris squeezed him reassuringly, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips.

"Of course not, Adam. I love dogs, actually. We'd even have the garden out back for it," Kris said, already visualizing frolicking around the yard with their as-of-yet nonexistent dog.

"We would. Yay!" Adam clapped, joy so contagious Kris simply had to kiss him, laughing and holding him close, feeling like their future was already unfolding before his eyes.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by the lovely chelseafrew, over at LiveJournal.

Kris had just grabbed his keys to leave when his phone beeped in his pocket, alerting him to a new text. He figured it was Adam, although he couldn't imagine what he would have to say-- they'd just talked on the phone five minutes ago, and he was headed there now.

  
 He pulled his cell out of his back pocket, opening the text and smiling lightly. Apparently, swimming was in the cards for tonight.

  
 _Oh, I forgot! Make sure to bring ur swim trunks handsome. Mom &amp; Dad have a pool._

  
 He'd never seen Adam in a bathing suit, he thought, as he ran back into his bedroom to fish his swimming trunks out of his dresser. The thought certainly wasn't unappealing.

  
 The day of the reunion had finally come--Kris had taken half a day off from work to be ready to leave for Adam's parent's house at four.

  
 Adam had been back-and-forth about it all week: one moment excited and giddy, the next withdrawn and obviously anxious. Kris still couldn't help questioning how wise a decision they had made, but Adam was obviously set on going. All Kris could do was be there to hold his hand and support him.

  
 He arrived a few minutes later and rang the doorbell, fiddling with the necklace around his throat. They had to leave ASAP if they planned on being on time; Leila and Eber lived about forty minutes north of town, in the suburbs.

  
 Adam answered the door a moment later, a smile on his lips, his natural beauty striking Kris even more intensely than it usually did. He'd toned down his look for the evening, he noted, looking him over appreciatively.

  
 His hair was lightly spiked, the bangs falling softly across one of his eyes, which were accented with only a little kohl and light eyeshadow. His layer of foundation was thinner than usual, his scars more pronounced than Adam normally allowed them to be, but, to Kris, they were anything but flaws. He would never tell Adam this--he would probably laugh at him--but he almost preferred him like this, natural and glowing.

  
 “Hey, baby,” he greeted him warmly, and Kris was glad to see that he seemed to be in a positive mood about the upcoming reunion. He stepped forward into the taller man's arms when they opened for him, stretching up to press a kiss to his lips.

  
 “Hey, gorgeous,” he returned, a small smile curving his lips as he looked up at his lover. “Ready to go?”

  
 “Ready as I'll ever be,” Adam replied, lightly, letting him go to grab his cane from where it leaned beside the door. He stepped out and locked the door behind him, his face looking like it didn't quite know what expression it wanted to form into. Kris could detect the nerves seated just below the surface, and he took his lover's ring-laden hand in his, squeezing it comfortingly as they headed out to the car.

  
 Kris settled the radio on a rock station as he merged onto the highway, looking over at his man as something occurred to him.

  
 "Have you heard from Guide Dogs for the Blind yet, Adam?" he questioned, disappointed when the other man shook his head no. They'd spent their evening three days ago filling out the online application together and were waiting to hear back from a representative.

  
 "No, my eager man," Adam replied, grinning and laying a hand on his thigh. "It's only been three days."

  
 "I'm just excited," Kris offered, and Adam smiled softly, leaning across the consul separating them to ask for a kiss.

  
 "I know," Adam replied, after Kris had satisfied his request. "I am, too."

  
 He paused then, humming along to the beginning notes of Black Dog on the radio. "I love this song."

  
 They passed the time with casual chat and the occasional bout of song when a particular favorite came on the radio, and, by the time the GPS blared out it's robotic "You have arrived," Adam was in a smiling, warm mood.

  
 Kris parked against the curb, as the driveway was already full, pausing to look up at the house in which Adam had spent his childhood and several difficult years of his adulthood.

  
 It was a large, stone-front structure, boasting the grandeur and beauty of well-kept older homes. The sound of dance music was filtering around from the back of the house, where the pool was, Kris assumed.

  
 They walked up the drive together, the hand that wasn't on Adam's cane twined with Kris'. Kris paused once they reached the small front porch, looking up at the other man.

  
 "Ready, baby?" Kris asked, stroking a thumb softly across the other man's cheekbone, and Adam nodded, leaning down to press their lips together in a lingering kiss.

  
 Kris resisted the urge to pull his lover into a deeper kiss on his parent's porch, and instead reached out to ring the doorbell.

  
 Leila opened the door a few moments later, smiling warmly, a drink in hand.

  
 "Hey there, boys!" she greeted, giving both him and Adam a hug. "Welcome to our home, Kris." She ushered them in, then, and Kris looked around at the living room they stepped into, impressed.

  
 It was simply, yet tastefully, furnished, decorated in warm shades of red and brown. People were milling about on the couches and armchairs, chatting and laughing with drinks or sodas in hand.

  
 A tall, laid-back looking man stood from one of the sofas and approached, offering a greeting and moving to hug Adam.

  
 "Hi, Dad," Adam said, smiling and hugging him back before letting go to wrap his arm around Kris' waist. "You two haven't met before. Dad, this is Kris."

  
 "Eber," Adam's father introduced himself, shaking his hand with a strong grip, before leveling a critical gaze at him. "Do you like the Beatles?"

  
 "Uhm, yes?" Kris answered, puzzled, and Adam laughed, drawing him closer.

  
 "Quizzing him on music already?" Adam sighed.

  
 Eber clapped him on the back, replying, "You know it."

  
 "Neil, you're brother's here!" Leila called a moment later, turning towards the doorway that presumably led to the kitchen.

  
 "Your point?" a voice deadpanned, and a moment later a tall, dark-haired man, with _just_ enough resemblance to Adam to classify them as brothers, walked into the room.

  
 "Ass," Adam replied, mildly, and Neil laughed, hugging him as well.

  
 "Good to see you too, bro," he said, once they had pulled away, turning his eyes to Kris. "And this must be the boyfriend you won't stop talking about."

  
 "Well, at least I don't call you at two AM, drunk and rambling about your new girlfriend," Adam countered.

  
 "That was only once," Neil pointed out, before offering a hand to Kris. "Kris. I've certainly heard a LOT about you. I'm Neil, this one's brother."

  
 "Little brother," Adam corrected, smirking, and Neil shrugged.

  
 "Which only means that I'll be eternally younger than you."

  
 Leila broke into their banter, obviously well used to it. "Why don't you go out back, Adam? I'm sure everyone's excited to see you."

  
 Adam agreed, after a beat of pause. “Sure.” Leila must have caught the look in his eyes, because she stayed behind as Eber and Neil wandered off towards the back deck.

  
 "The Bells aren't here yet," she said, softly, laying a hand on his arm. "Mr. Bell had a business meeting."

  
 "Oh," Adam said, face relaxing a bit, and Kris twined their fingers together as they headed out to the backyard, his touch a comfort in itself.

  
 ~

  
 The Lamberts' back yard was packed with people. Some were gathered around the large above-ground pool, while others were around the grills that were sizzling with burgers. Music was pumping out from a large speaker system set up on the deck.

Suddenly, two little cannonballs shot out of nowhere, racing past Kris and tackling Adam enthusiastically.

Adam teetered unsteadily, laughing as the children clinging to his legs chirped out a joint chorus of "Cousin Adam!"

"Alec, Sarah!" a harried-looking woman scolded, trotting after them. "Don't you knock him over, jeez! We talked about this!"

"It's okay, Michelle," Adam laughed, as both of the kids tried to talk to him at once. "They're fine."

"Adam, Adam!" Sarah said, excitedly, smiling widely up at him and tugging at the hemline of his shirt. "Come swimming with us! We've been waiting for you."

"Okay, sweetie," Adam smiled, kneeling down to talk to the tow-headed girl, who looked to be about six. "Why don't you and Alec go get your bathing suits, then?"

"Okay!" they agreed in tandem, running off.

Adam smiled after them, before rising to his feet again, and Kris had the fleeting thought that, one day, Adam would make a fantastic father.

"I'm sorry, Adam, they're a little hyper today," Michelle apologized, laughing a little. "They were so excited when I told them you were coming this year. But, anyway, how have things been?"

"Good," Adam replied, after a moment, smiling at Kris and reaching over to squeeze his hand. "Really good."

He paused. "Oh, Michelle, this is my boyfriend, Kris. Kris, this is my Aunt Michelle. She's Leila's little sister."

"Nice to meet you, Kris," Michelle smiled, shaking his hand quickly before turning towards the house. "I'd better go see what the kids are up to."

"We'd better go get our bathing suits, baby," Adam said, and Kris agreed, holding his hand as they made their way through the house. Adam was stopped every few steps by relatives wanting to offer greetings, his anxiety over the Bells' appearing forgotten for the moment as he caught up with his family.

They grabbed their trunks from the car and went to change in the downstairs bathroom. The deep, teasing kisses Adam gave him after pressing him back into the bathroom door left Kris a little frazzled, but he at least managed to get his erection under control before they emerged.

Adam dropped his cane by the side of the pool and lowered himself into the cool water, going under right away to get over the initial shock. He emerged a moment later looking ridiculously gorgeous, his wet hair falling across his eyes, rivulets of water carving paths down his back.

The raven-haired man turned towards him with a smile on his lips, opening his arms invitingly, and Kris quickly moved to him, despite the shivers the water coaxed out of him. He slid into the wet warmth of his lover's embrace with a contented sigh, laying his head on his shoulder.

Alec and Sarah dived in over their heads a few minutes later, whooping, Michelle sliding in slowly after them.

Sarah doggy-paddled over to them in her water wings, noticing Adam's arm around Kris.

She swam over to the brunette, looking up at him with a gravely serious look on her face. "Are you his boyfriend?"

The 'r' in boyfriend was pronounced as a 'w', and Kris smiled despite himself, replying "Yes, sweetie."

"You better be nice to cousin Adam!" she said, and Kris let out a laugh from deep in his chest as Adam stifled a giggle beside him.

"I definitely will be," Kris agreed, amiably, and Sarah leveled a wide toothy grin at him in reply, obviously bestowing her approval upon the couple.

~

An hour later, a disgruntled Kris and a giggling Adam grabbed their clothes, making their way to his old room to change.

"I can't believe you actually dunked me," Kris grumbled as they walked through the upstairs hallway, and Adam laughed in reply, earning a huff from his lover.

"I'm sorry, baby," Adam said, a smile on his lips as he paused outside the door at the end of the hall. "Sarah and Alec were begging me to."

"Like you have to listen to six- andeight-year-olds," Kris replied, a smile creeping onto his lips despite his best efforts, and he slid his hands up Adam's damp shoulders, stretching up to press a kiss to his lips.

Adam smiled warmly down at him once their lips had parted, before opening his old bedroom door and walking inside.

The smile slid off his lips as he entered the room, however, and he slowly ran his fingertips across the dresser and the edge of the bed, a faraway look on his face.

"There's... A lot of bad memories here," he said a moment later, quietly, shuddering almostinconspicuously. "I... know how many steps it takes me to get from the doorway to the bed. I used to pace them."

"Well..." Kris said, walking up to his lover and splaying his hands out over his chest, "Maybe... Maybe we just need to make some good ones here."

"Maybe," Adam agreed, after a long second, smiling tenderly down at the other man before sliding a hand into his dripping hair and melting into him.

Kris' hands gripped firmly at Adam's hips as he stretched up to meet his lover's mouth, and he pulled their damp bodies together as their tongues played sensually, hidden behind clinging lips.

A soft moan escaped from Kris' throat as Adam's big hand gently cupped the bulge below the waistband of his swim trunks, fingers exploring his intimate parts through the wet material as they kissed.

"Adam," Kris murmured into his mouth, hands rubbing along the damp stretch of his back, "I love you so much."

Adam kissed him deeply in reply, before dropping to his knees for him, kissing the jut of his hipbone and the flat expanse of his belly as Kris sighed out a low moan.

Kris' hands carded through Adam's wet hair, the strands sticking to his fingers, and the dark-haired man pulled down the front of his swim trunks in reply, licking at the hard length that thrust forth to greet him.

Kris groaned out half-formed endearments and words of love as Adam suckled the flared head, lapping at the flushed stalk of flesh like he'd never wanted anything more than _this_ and _now_.

Adam slowly slid his throat around the hot length, then, the very image of sensual beauty kneeled before his lover: his eyelashes heavy, dark fans against his cheeks, his plump lips stretched thin around the other man's cock.

"Beautiful," Kris breathed reverently, stroking his lover's cheekbone, and his legs shook unsteadily as he reached his climax, orgasming with a low, soft noise as he spurted hot ropes of come into his lover's mouth.

Adam surged up to him once he'd stilled, grasping at his shoulders as his tongue pushed the salty liquid into his mouth, and Kris moaned and accepted the intimate exchange, their tongues swirling and rubbing together until all there was to taste was skin and each other.

Adam buried his face into his lover's shoulder once they parted, and Kris laid him down onto the bed to love him, the phantoms of the past that lingered between those walls overshadowed by their passion.

~


	18. Chapter 18

Fifteen minutes later, Kris' body lay nestled on top of Adam's, his head buried comfortably into the crook of his neck. His lips pressed kisses to the pale skin of his throat every few minutes as he enjoyed the warmth of their embrace, contrasted by the lingering dampness of their bodies.

"We should probably get back to the party," Adam reluctantly pointed out, running his hands languorously down his boyfriend's back, and Kris mumbled noncommittally, nuzzling at his throat.

"C'mon, babe," Adam sighed after a few more minutes of cuddling, nudging him off his lap and sitting up. "We'd better get down there before someone comes looking for us."

"Okay," Kris sighed, reluctantly moving away from him to grab the clothes they had abandoned on the floor. They pulled them on quickly, and Adam reached out for him once they had finished, hugging him tightly to his body.

Kris smiled up at him, noticing for the first time the spiked mess Adam's half-dry hair had arranged itself into. He laughed lightly at the endearing sight, pressing a kiss to the tip of his lover's nose and carding his fingers through the strands to straighten them.

"Thank you," Adam murmured, pressing a kiss to his temple, obviously thanking him for more than just the hair fix. "This room isn't so dark in my memories anymore. You do that to me, Kris. You light up the shadowiest corners of my life."

Kris smiled tenderly at the words and pressed a sweet, long kiss to his lover's lips, his arms wrapped loosely around his waist.

"Let's head back down," he suggested warmly, weaving their fingers together and handing Adam his cane with his free hand. "Everyone wants to see you."

Adam grinned down at him, nodding and leading the way.

~

"So what's your profession, Kris?" Grandma Lambert asked, sitting across from him on the sofa and picking at some potato salad on her plate.

"I'm a nurse," Kris replied, taking a bite of his burger and chewing to savor the taste for a moment. "That's how I met Adam; I was his personal assistant for a while."

"Then this happened?" she guessed, gesturing between them with a smile, and Adam nodded, pressing a smiling kiss to his boyfriend's temple. His Grandma Lambert was kind of the coolest grandmother ever.

"Excuse me, you two. I'm going to go find where Ted wandered off to," she sighed, exasperated, and Adam let loose a little giggle once she had gone.

"She and Grandpa are always giving each other a hard time," he explained when Kris looked at him oddly, "But they've been happily married for sixty years."

"Wow. That's great," Kris agreed, impressed. Older couples that had been happily together for decades upon decades were really a model for him, a confirmation, even--proof of the existence of deep, special love cultivated with a soulmate.

He looked over at Adam, a tender smile curving his lips as his mind conjured an image of them like that: old and content together; still as in love as they had been the day they gave themselves to each other.

Adam's mind must have followed the same train of thought, because he leaned over to ask for a kiss, fingers tracing his jaw. Kris happily obliged him, smiling and settling into his arms.

They were joined by Sarah a moment later, who ran into the room and hopped up into Adam's lap, throwing her arms around his neck with a dramatic flourish.

"Alec won't play with me," she pouted, bouncing on his knee. "He's too busy playing with his trucks."

Adam laughed and hugged her, replying, "We can play together, sweetie."

"Okay. Adam?" she asked, after a long moment, looking up at him curiously and touching his eyelid. "What happened to your eyes? Mommy didn't tell me hardly anything at _all _when I asked."

Kris looked over at his lover, eyebrows bunching worriedly, but Adam only adjusted her on his knee, foot tapping absently against the carpet.

"I had an accident a few years ago," he explained, as Sarah listened intently in his lap, "and my eyes got hurt. Now I just do a lot of things in a different way--I use my cane to get around, and I can read using these little bumps called Braille."

"Oh," she said, looking up at him with wide, hopeful eyes. "But...we can still play Barbies, right?"

Adam laughed along with Kris, ruffling her hair and assuring her, "Yes, honey, we can still play Barbies. We'll play in a little bit, okay?"

"Okay!" Sarah chirped, bouncing off, and Kris smiled warmly, wrapping his arms around his lover's neck.

"So proud of you," he murmured against his lips, and Adam beamed at the praise, wrapping him into a tight hug.

Adam stiffened in his arms a moment later, however, as the doorbell rang across the room.

~

Adam heard his mom hurry to answer the door, and he pulled himself out of Kris' arms, unprepared. He hurriedly steadied himself, pulling deep breaths of air into his chest. He would be all right...he just needed to stay calm.

The door clicked open loudly, and his mom offered a warm greeting to the people on the other side, a subtle undercurrent of worry tinting her tone. He knew that she had seen him tense.

The voices that replied hit him like a semi, and he bit down hard on his lip, even as Kris' fingers soothingly stroked his thigh. His fingernails bit brutally into the flesh of his palms as he sucked in shallow breaths of air.

"Adam!" a light female voice called in greeting, footsteps approaching the sofa on which they sat.

"Hi, Terri," Adam greeted, tension clenching in his gut as the name left his lips. His smooth façade must have held, however, because her next words held no trace of alarm or confusion.

"How've you been?" she asked brightly, and Adam smiled thinly in reply.

  
"All right."

"It's been a long time," Brian, Brad's dad, said, and that comment knocked the breath out of his chest, because he remembered, vividly, the last time they had been in the same room: It had been a funeral.

"It has," Adam replied, every fiber of his being screaming at him to obey his primal instinct to flee. He took a deep breath and held strong, instead, and Kris squeezed his hand.

"Hi, Adam," a soft, male voice greeted. Ethan's tone was deepened with maturity, Adam vaguely noticed, but it was no wonder--Brad's little brother had to be eighteen by now.

"Hi," Adam returned, squeezing Kris' hand back. "It's good to see you guys. This is my boyfriend, Kris."

Brian and Terri chorused off hellos; Ethan was silent.

Kris replied a moment later with a honey-warm greeting, tight concern lingering almost imperceptibly beneath his tone.

"Why don't we go outside to talk?" Leila cut in, her voice in the same state, retreating footsteps resounding through the room as the Bells agreeably followed behind her.

"Baby," Kris fretted once they had left, framing his lover's face in his hands, and Adam sighed, resting his throbbing head against his boyfriend's palm.

His touch soothed some of his tension, and Adam turned his face to kiss the soft flesh of his palm before standing.

"I'm all right, honey,” he assured his lover, offering his hand.“Let's go."

Kris hesitated, but stood and took Adam's hand, following him outside.

They sat on the deck with the Bells and Leila, Adam staying mostly silent as he grappled with his emotions. The sound of their voices was potent-- they evoked countless memories, and all Adam could do was methodically push them away, centering himself on the feel of Kris' fingers twined with his.

A soft glow of pride started up somewhere within him, however, as he realized his gradual relaxation. The longer he sat and listened, he noticed, the less forcibly the memories tried to crush through his defenses.

He eventually let his mind probe into some of the warm memories that had been previously beating against the walls of his chest, cautiously caressing over the images. He and Brad sitting on his parents deck, laughing and happy, drinks in hand....

His sense of security was short lived, however, as his ears, seemingly of their own accord, tuned into what the sound system had just begun to play. The music seemed to blare over the speakers, the beginning notes of something terribly familiar reverberating in Adam's head and across the lawn, and he choked on his next breath of air as the lyrics started up.

The sweet voice pierced his heart like a steel-edged knife.

"Excuse me," he gasped, abruptly, not even sure if the words were decipherable, and far beyond caring.

He grabbed his cane with shaking fingers and stumbled into the house, the only coherent goal in his mind to get _away_, away from that _song_, even as the darkness of his memories rushed up to meet him.

~

Kris stared after Adam in shock for a few moments, much like the others on the deck. One moment he'd been watching the tension visibly drain from his lover, his hand relaxing in his grip, and then....

Kris was up the second his mind caught up to the situation, and he bolted into the house after Adam, leaving the shocked people on the porch behind.

Leila looked for a moment like she was going to follow, but only headed to the bottom of the stairs up which Adam had staggered, waiting below as Kris pounded up them after his lover.

Kris heard the sobs before he even reached the bedroom Adam had disappeared into, and his heart clenched sickly at the sound as he rushed through the doorway.

Adam was sitting on the floor, slumped back against the mattress with his head in his hands, his body shaking unevenly with cries. Kris dropped to his knees beside him, gently taking his hands away from his face.

"Baby, baby, you're okay," he quickly murmured, framing his face and using his thumbs to wipe away tears and streaked mascara from his cheekbones. Adam's expression was pained, but clearly present, and Kris breathed a silent sigh of relief. He'd pulled himself away from a flashback.

"Kris," Adam choked out, burying his face into his lover's chest and stifling his hitching sobs against the fabric of his t-shirt. Kris wrapped him in his arms, rocking his trembling body.

"Baby.... What happened?" he asked, once Adam had gotten his cries under control, and Adam sniffled against his shoulder, wiping tears from his eyes with the back of his hand.

"That....That song...," he bit out, face contorted in pain, "Brad and I...wrote and recorded that song together...just a few weeks before the accident. I.... I performed it that night. I don't know.... Don't know why it was playing. I w-wasn't prepared for that. And I was already on edge...."

"But you pulled yourself away from it, didn't you?" Kris murmured into his hair, stroking his fingers down his back, and Adam slowly nodded.

"Then you beat it again, baby," Kris smiled, squeezing him gently and pressing their lips together into a sweet kiss. "I'm so proud of you."

A small smile curved Adam's tear-stained face in reply, and he nestled closer to the smaller man, murmuring "I did."

He paused. "But I.... I don't think I can go back down there yet. Could you, could you go tell Mom what happened?"

"Sure, honey," Kris agreed, moving them up to sit on the bed, and Adam curled into him, nuzzling at his throat.

"But...stay with me a few more minutes first," he mumbled, tiredly, and Kris hugged him gently, agreeing.

~

Kris walked back down the stairs ten minutes later, footfalls soft against the carpet. His descent was much calmer than his ascent had been--he'd left Adam on the bed with a small smile and a tender, lingering kiss.

Leila was at the bottom of the stairs, hands covering her mouth, tears streaming from her eyes. The living room was empty behind her; the guests had obviously all relocated out back at some point.

"_Kris,_" she gasped, horrified, "Oh my god. We just threw in a couple of old mix CDs, I had no idea that that...."

"It's okay, Leila," he assured her, guiding her over to sit down on the sofa as Eber and Neil hurried in, looking worried. "He's all right. He pulled himself back from a flashback. He's just a little shaken."

"Thank god," she murmured, as Eber sat next to her and embraced her, sighing in relief.

"Why don't I go see what he wants to do?" Kris suggested, and all three of the others nodded in agreement.

Kris moved quietly back up the stairs, thinking Adam might have fallen asleep, but he was surprised to hear muffled conversation leaking from the partially-open bedroom door. He recognized the voice of Ethan, Brad's brother, along with Adam's. He must have slipped up the stairs without any of them noticing to see how Adam was.

He peeked in the door, ready to push it open and walk in, but paused as he took in the scene before him.

Ethan, a small, brown-haired young man who bore a strong resemblance to his older brother, was facing Adam on the bed--was _leaning_ towards him, in fact, palms on the bed on either side of his lover's legs.

"I've waited so long to see you, Adam," he murmured, quietly, sensually, and shock seemed to freeze even Kris' breathing as the smaller man leaned in and kissed his lover, eyes slipping shut.

And Adam just _let_ him. His hands came up to grasp Ethan's shoulders, and he let him kiss him.

Kris spun around blindly and fled, a sob catching in his throat as he stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door, slumping against it. He barely even registered the shouting and the feet thundering by a few minutes later.

His mind only brutally replayed the sight of Ethan's lips pressing onto his lover's, the sight of Adam kissing another man on the bed where they'd made love not hours ago.

Tears streaked down his cheeks, and he trembled.

~

Adam sat up with a sigh once Kris had left, the sweet, comforting taste of him lingering on his lips. His eyes still burned with the tears he had shed, and his throat felt raw from sobbing, but, despite those sharp reminders of his pain, a faint smile curved his mouth. He thought of Kris, caressing him lovingly and telling him how proud he was. He'd beaten it again, he'd said.

And he had, hadn't he, this time? The memories of that song and all it symbolized burned deep in his chest, but he hadn't needed anything other than the feel of his teeth biting into his lip to pull himself away from the encroaching blackness. That, and the sweet thought of his lover. His Kris.

The smile on his lips broadened into a wide grin as he came to that realization, and he couldn't resist doing a giddy little fist-pump in celebration.

He paused, then, his train of thought tapering away as he noticed the sound of soft footsteps approaching from the hallway. The door creaked quietly open as someone entered, and Adam had the distinct impression that it wasn't Kris returning to him.

"Hi, Adam," a quiet male voice greeted, "Are you okay?"

Adam's lips thinned. He really wasn't keen on the idea of talking to anyone except his lover and his mom, maybe, at the moment--definitely not Brad's little brother. He put the smile back on his face and told himself to stop being a bitch, anyway--Ethan had only come to see how he was.

"I'm all right now," he replied, evasively. He _definitely _didn't want to go too deeply into what had happened with this boy he hadn't seen for years, no matter how happy he'd been a few moments earlier.

"Do you miss him a lot?" Ethan asked, evenly, reading between the lines with surprising swiftness. The bed dipped where the smaller man sat down beside him, and Adam sucked in a deep breath, pondering how to reply.

"Yes," Adam finally answered, hands clasped in his lap. "I do. But not as...sharply. I used to almost constantly. But now.... Kris has changed everything."

Ethan was silent for a long, pregnant moment, and Adam felt something in the atmosphere of the room subtly shift.

"I do, too," Ethan stated, after a moment, voice low and veiling something indecipherable.

A soft hand slid down his forearm in tandem with the words, implying much more than a friendly caress, and Adam paused whatever he had been going to say, pulling away from the unexpected touch in surprise.

Ethan, when he and Brad had been together, had always had a little crush on him; he'd been around sixteen then. It had been kind of cute, at the time--he was always very quiet and tended to blush hotly when Adam smiled at him. He and Brad used to laugh about it.

Adam sensed, somehow, that he was no longer the boy he used to be.

"Ethan, what are you doing?" Adam asked, voice tight, as he felt the small, young man shift on the bed, suddenly much closer.

"I've waited so long to see you, Adam," he murmured, hot breath whispering over his face, and then insistent lips were sliding over his own.

Adam froze in shock, hands scrabbling at his shoulders as Ethan brought a hand up to cup the back of his neck, keeping him there.

He dimly realized, as shock and heat overwhelmed him, that his lips were shaped exactly like Brad's had been.

_KRIS!_

Adam gasped against Ethan's lips, hands on his shoulders roughly shoving him away. He recoiled from the other man until his back hit the wooden headboard, and he swiped the back of his hand across his lips, anger boiling up inside him.

"What the _fuck_ was that?" Adam demanded, the low snarl in his voice warning the other man against moving an inch closer.

Ethan was deathly silent for a long, loaded second.

"Don't you _get_ it?" he finally asked, voice just as furious, but also belying a deep, crippling hurt. "Don't you GET it yet, Adam? You don't deserve.... What gives you the right--?"

"What the fuck are you _talking _about?" Adam growled, already tired of the cryptic games, and Ethan snapped like a rubber band stretched too far, jumping up from the bed.

"You _killed_ him!" Ethan shouted, voice broken with deep, wretched agony. "You were the one driving. You could have saved him! Now why should you get to be with Kris.... Why do you get a chance to be happy with another lover? I don't--"

His voice cracked on a sob, his next words being harshly ripped from his throat. "I don't get another brother! I-It's _your_ fault!"

Adam sat wide-eyed and stunned in reply to the outburst, and he belatedly realized, as pounding footsteps approached from the hallway, how loud they'd become.

"What's all the screaming about?" Terri's voice demanded as the door creaked open, and her words went shrill with shock as she took in the scene. "Oh my god.... Ethan?"

Ethan's sobs didn't let up, wracking and raw, and Adam's mind bypassed the interruption, lips breathing out, "It wasn't my fault, Ethan. I couldn't do anything."

"You.... You c-could have...." Ethan spat out in reply, falling back into cries as his parents fluttered uncertainly around him.

"What's gotten into you, Ethan?" Brian asked, firm but obviously confused, and Ethan pushed out a humorless laugh in reply.

"Have you finally figured it out?" he asked, bluntly, his sobs quieting to low whimpers. "I j-just want him.... I just want him back."

"Oh, my baby boy," Terri gasped, finally understanding, and Ethan's soft sobs soon became muffled in her embrace.

Adam felt the familiar weight of his mom's arms wrap around him, and tears budded in his own eyes as he listened to Ethan snuffle brokenly, as Adam had so many times before.

The realization that dawned over him as he listened was bittersweet. He recognized himself in Ethan, recognized the darkness that had been housed inside himself, the twin of which was tucked away deep in Ethan. The variances and details didn't matter in the least--Ethan was where he himself had been before he found Kris. Stuck in pained, hopeless darkness; a seemingly endless loop of regret and sorrow.

"Ethan," he croaked out, unable to keep himself from reaching out for him, and the smaller man stiffened in his comforting embrace for only a moment before breaking down again, crying harshly against his shoulder.

~

Kris roughly wiped away his tears with the hand towel he found under the sink, his eyes feeling swollen and raw against the soft cloth.

He looked at himself in the mirror once he'd finished, and his reflection's expression was horribly revealing. The skin beneath his eyes was red and slightly puffy, his lips twisted into a trembling line. His eyes themselves might as well have been projection screens announcing his emotions-- wounded, confused and betrayed, split open and laid out for anyone to see.

And perhaps the worst part of it was that, somewhere deep within him, he still ached to be held and comforted in Adam's arms-- to be loved and kissed by the very man who had torn him apart.

He looked away from the mirror and bit down on his bottom lip, eyebrows bunching.

_Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe it was just a mistake...just an awful mistake. Maybe he'll explain._

Those thoughts crept into his mind alongside the distress--despite what he had seen, he _knew _Adam. He _knew _Adam loved him.

The certainty was what ultimately gave him the strength to open the bathroom door and step out, a small seed of hope blooming in his chest.

He made his way down the hallway, uncertainly pausing at the half-open door, before sucking in a deep breath and walking in. He paused in the doorway, looking in at the scene before him with wide, confused eyes.

Ethan's parents were standing close by the smaller man; Leila stood a few feet further away. Both Adam's and Ethan's faces were wet with recently shed tears, and his heart twisted in a vice of hurt as he saw his lover's hand laying on Ethan's shoulder.

"Thank you, Adam," Ethan said, quietly, stepping away towards the door. "Thursday?"

"Sure," Adam agreed, and Kris battled to even his expression as everyone in the room turned to face the doorway.

"Oh, Kris," Leila said, surprised at his appearance, and he didn't even have it in him to muster up a weak smile in reply.

"We were just leaving," Terri supplied, visibly confused at his demeanor. "It was nice meeting you."

"Same to you," Kris replied, in what he hoped came out as a calm, natural tone of voice.

"We should get going too, Mom," Adam tiredly sighed, once the Bells had left.

His mom agreed reluctantly, her eyebrows knit together. She moved to embrace him, though, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist.

"I'm so sorry about that song, Adam," she murmured into his ear, eyes wet. "I had no idea that it was on that CD. I'm so sorry, honey. I can't even say...."

"It's okay, Mom," he replied, hugging her back just as tightly before stepping away. "I'm all right now. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay, honey. Love you," she replied, waving goodbye to Kris, who returned the gesture. Her eyes followed them out the door.

Kris followed numbly behind as Adam quickly moved through the rest of the house to say goodbye to his family. He kept his eyes pointed towards the carpet, responding to the goodbyes sent his way as best he could.

It was only once they'd pulled out of the driveway that Kris cleared his throat, keeping a level tone as he asked, "What was that, Adam? Are you...okay?"

"Yeah," Adam sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face, and Kris waited, tense, for the words he desperately hoped would come._ He kissed me, but it was nothing. Nothing but a terrible mistake. I'm sorry, baby._

"After you left," Adam began, "Ethan came in. He.... He blamed me for killing his brother."

Kris' stomach clenched in disbelief, not at what he had said, but rather what he _hadn't_, his fingers tightening on the steering wheel. "And...?"

"His parents heard the shouting and burst in," he continued, something--Uncertainty? Fear?--flashing across his features. "They calmed him down."

He paused for a long moment. “Ethan, he's...at the same place I was a year ago, I think. Only he's been much better at hiding it than I ever was... His parents didn't even realize. His parents asked me if I would go to Bobby with him at least once, just to help him out, since I can relate. I.... I said I would.”

"Oh," Kris mumbled, tears pricking at his eyes as he fought to steady his shaking fingers. He felt, with excruciating clarity, the spark of faithful hope housed in his chest being brutally snuffed out. "Okay. Sounds...sounds good."

"Are you okay, baby?" Adam asked after a moment, his eyebrows knitting together with concern, and Kris turned his face away from those blue eyes, the hand on his knee feeling heavy and, for the first time, foreign.

He desperately wanted to shout at the man beside him, to pour out all the hurt boiling inside him, but, when he opened his mouth to speak, no words would come.

"Yes," he finally lied, tone light, even as his chest constricted around a typhoon of emotions. "Why wouldn't I be?"

And, laying in bed later that night, Kris mumbled a vague excuse about being tired before rolling over to turn out the light, Adam's goodnight kiss burning bitterly on his lips. 


	19. Chapter 19

Kris entered Adam's apartment, biting his lip and wondering, not for the first time, why he just kept coming back.

  
_Because, even with what he did, you still can't help being in love with him. Idiot._

  
Adam met him in the living room, and Kris dutifully stretched up to accept his hello kiss. The smaller man flinched as he once again recognized how routine, how hollow, those kisses seemed to him, now, kisses that until a few short days ago had set his heart racing.

  
He and Adam had neither made love, nor even really kissed, since the reunion. Kris had been skirting around his boyfriend with lowered eyes and half-formed excuses, and he could tell, even now, that his facade was falling apart. Adam sensed something was wrong. That, at least, was true--the dark-haired man wouldn't let this charade of normalcy stand for much longer.

  
Kris really did realize that he couldn't realistically continue to avoid this issue, the hurt that was steadily tearing at his chest, even if Adam did simply let it continue until he was ready to talk.... But every time he looked over at his lover, intent on beginning the unavoidable conversation, the confrontational words died on his lips even as they formed in his mind. He was truthfully terrified of what Adam might tell him, and of what those words had the potential to break.

  
From the moment of Adam's greeting, Kris realized that, today, the older man was intent on pushing at his defenses. Adam, after all, didn't really _know _what was the matter--only that Kris was drawing steadily away from him, retracting into some hastily-erected shell.

  
“Hey, baby,” Adam greeted, a warm smile curving his lips.

  
“Hey,” Kris replied, trying to make it sound like more than a bland mumble, and he could tell he had failed by the way Adam's face fell minutely.

  
“I haven't seen a lot of you, lately,” Adam stated after a short pause, a little cautiously, as if he were testing the waters. “I've missed you....”

  
“I know,” Kris managed, and Adam paused again, waiting for him to continue.

  
The raven-haired man slowly leaned into him, pressing their lips together when Kris, the knot in his throat tight and hot, offered no further reply. Adam curled his fingers into Kris' hair as his lips coaxed kisses from the smaller man's mouth, and Kris laid a numb hand on Adam's hip, squeezing his eyes shut against a rush of emotion.

  
They parted a minute or so later with a soft noise, and Kris cleared his throat, stepping away.

  
“I can't stay long,” Kris vaguely mumbled after a moment, the excuse sounding even more tired on his lips than it had in his head. “I have a shift at the hospital scheduled.”

  
_Coward, _ his mind accused, and he was really in no position, at this point, to disagree with it.

  
Adam cut him off halfway through his goodbye, however, reaching out to catch his arm as he tried to slip past.

  
His eyebrows were knit together, his full, freckled lips parted in confusion, and he was so beautiful Kris kind of wanted to die, looking at him and knowing what lay between them.

  
“Okay, Kris,” Adam sighed, rubbing his thumb over the delicate bones of his wrist, “I can't let you do this anymore. What's wrong? You.... You've barely spoken to me, let alone let me touch you, since Friday.”

  
Kris turned his face away, tears stinging his eyes as he took his wrist back from Adam's grip and sucked in a breath. Now, with the situation irrevocably thrown into the spotlight, the words nearly tumbled from his lips, blunt and laced with quiet pain.

  
“I saw you kiss him.”

  
Adam's eyes widened slightly, and his lips parted as he took in the words, his expression morphing smoothly from one of concern to one of stunned disbelief.

  
The single word that fell from his mouth was shocked; abashed, even. “What?”

  
That one word once again alighted the bitter anger simmering inside Kris, and his lips puckered in anger.  _What? _ As if Adam didn't know what he'd done?

  
“I _saw _you _kiss _him,” Kris emphasized, brutally precise, every word razor-edged. He wasn't one to scream and shout; hell, he hardly ever got truly angry over things...but when Adam flinched, he took some bitter, twisted pleasure in knowing that his quiet words had gotten his point across. “I saw you kissing Ethan on the bed where we'd made love.”

  
“Kris,” Adam said, voice tight and strained, “it wasn't anything like that.”

  
“It wasn't _like _that?” Kris repeated a long second later, unable to believe that Adam had fallen back onto that age-old, pointless cliché. “Then what was it_ like, _Adam? What should I have assumed, seeing you making out with another man when you thought I wasn't looking?”

  
“_He _kissed _me!” _Adam replied, defensively, raising his hands in exasperation. “It meant absolutely nothing. I didn't let him do _anything--_I pushed him away!”

  
“Then why didn't you _tell _me?” Kris demanded, hands clenched into fists at his side, “If it was no big deal, if it was _nothing, _Adam, then why didn't you frickin' TELL me? Don't act all _indignant _about me being angry when you lied to my _face _about what happened!”

  
“Why didn't you _ask, _if you saw?” Adam shot back, his lips twisted into an angry, thin line. “You avoided me all week. Were you just going to hide until we fell apart?”

  
Kris was stunned into silence for a long, loaded moment. The words stung somewhere deep within his chest, mostly because they were  _true, _ to a point. He had hidden from the issue instead of confronting it. But he refused to stoop to saying that this was all HIS fault.

  
“Don't you DARE try to pin this all on me, Adam Lambert,” Kris finally replied, voice dropped low and dangerous, poised on the cutting edge of igniting. “I've supported you through _everything, _and this is the shit I get? Really?”

  
“You have _no fucking clue _what you're talking about,” Adam replied, bitterly. “You don't have a clue what really happened, Kris.”

  
“_Because you never thought to clue me in!” _the smaller man rasped out, fury and hurt bubbling up in his voice. “If keeping _secrets _to save face is more important to you than this relationship, then I am _finished _with this shit!”

  
“_Fine!” _Adam shouted back, his blue eyes rimmed with tears. “Run away, Kris! It's what you do best, anyway!”

  
Kris froze dead in his tracks, tears welling up in his eyes as Adam's words cut into his heart like a steel-edged knife.

  
He wanted to throw back some final, biting remark, but all that escaped his throat was a choked sob as he left, the door slamming shut behind him.

  
~

  
Adam stood in the middle of his living room, stunned into immobility, the sharp slam of the door ringing in his ears. His thought processes seemed slow and bogged down, thick with tangled, uncomprehending emotions.

Reality caught up to him after only a short, numb moment, crashing down on him like a brutal wave. His own voice yelled  _fine! _ over and over again in his head, and he staggered forward a step, a hand flying to his mouth.

  
He'd let Kris leave. He'd told him to leave.

  
His knees trembled and gave out, and he slumped back onto the sofa behind him, a sob clawing its way out of his throat as he curled in on himself. _He left. He left._

  
“No.... No!” he wailed, tears flooding down his cheeks and over his jaw, his nails biting mercilessly into the flesh of his palm as he slammed his fist down onto the coffee table, the piece of furniture rattling beneath the blow.

  
He gasped in pain and surprise as some sharp corner of the wood cut across his skin, and he pulled back his hand to find it wet with blood, welling up from a long, shallow cut across the side of his palm.

  
“_Dammit!_” he shouted, the incident only causing him to sob harder, his throat already aching and raw as he cradled his injured hand in the other, biting down on his bottom lip.

  
_I've ruined everything! I'm so stupid! Kris is gone._

  
He trembled and sobbed uncontrollably as blood trickled down his wrist, tears carving paths down his cheeks even as the front door flew back open.

  
~

  
Kris stumbled back into the apartment, nearly running into the door jamb in his haste. The door cracked back against the wall before swinging shut behind him, and his frantic, wide eyes landed on Adam, sobbing on the couch, blood dripping from between his fingers.

  
“Oh my god, Adam,” Kris gasped, eyes fixed on the scarlet smears, and Adam only sobbed harder, his tears cutting lines through his foundation to reveal the pale, freckled skin beneath.

  
“K-Kris,” Adam gasped out through his sobs, dipping his head as his broad shoulders trembled, “I-I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry!”

  
“Wait, just, let me....” Kris replied, frantically fluttering around him before running off to the bathroom.

  
He rifled through the medicine cabinet and returned with a damp washcloth and a box of band-aids, sitting on the couch next to his still-crying lover.

  
“Lemme see it,” Kris demanded, voice soft, and Adam gave him his cut hand, his fingers shaking in the other man's grasp.

  
Kris sighed in relief at the fact that there was much less blood than there had originally appeared to be; the cut was shallow.

  
He gently wiped it with the cloth and bandaged it, letting Adam pull it back once he was finished.

  
“What did you do?” Kris asked, and Adam, cries calmed into a slow trickle of tears, wiped his face with his sleeve, sniffling.

  
“Punched the coffee table,” he replied, voice muffled against the fabric, and when he raised his face, his eyes were big and shining wetly.

  
“I didn't mean it,” he said, voice small and wavering. “I.... I'm sorry, please....”

  
After a moment Kris dropped his elbows onto his knees and replied, “We're both such idiots, sometimes.” He chuckling tiredly, hanging his head. “Let's.... Let's just _talk, _this time.”

  
“Okay,” Adam agreed, nodding a little shakily and wiping his eyes again.

  
They lapsed into silence for a few seconds, and Adam sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Kris, I.... I didn't tell you because, because.... Well, for more than one reason, really.”

  
He paused. “It.... It really didn't mean anything to me, Kris. He really did kiss me. I had no clue what was going on. I didn't know that you'd seen.... I thought telling you would only upset you.”

  
His face, pointed towards his lap, twisted in pain. “Also, I.... I was so _ashamed. _I.... I didn't insinuate it, but I, I DID let him kiss me at first. I thought of Brad, and I let him.”

  
He paused and raised his head, and beneath the tears and the streaked make up, his expression was firmly sincere. “But then....I thought of you, and pushed him away. I.... I promise.”

  
New tears budded in the older man's eyes, and he half-reached for Kris, his hands trembling uncertainly, the bandage stark against the pale, freckled skin. “I'm sorry.... I should have told you the truth. I.... I'm so sorry, Kris. I know.... I know I said that I'd only ask for one second chance, but...I can't let you go. Please. I....” His voice cracked. “I love you so much.”

  
“Adam,” Kris said, a little choked up despite his best efforts, and he scooted closer, giving in to the ingrained magnetism that drew them together, that joined the two halves of the whole.

  
Adam choked on a breath and wrapped him into his overwhelming, long-armed embrace, burying his face into Kris' shoulder.

  
Adam pressed a small kiss to the underside of Kris' jaw, murmuring words of love into his skin, and Kris slowly carded his fingers through the other man's thick, silky locks.

  
“I'm sorry, too,” Kris murmured, nuzzling against his lover's temple. “I should have asked you. I was.... I was just being a coward.”

  
He paused, then, tears pricking at his eyes.

  
“Adam, I....” he started, slowly weighing his words, “I know this is still a work-in-progress. I know there are going to be slip-ups and bumps in the road, from both of us. I know that sometimes your past will catch up with you. But.... Just _talk _to me, baby. I wouldn't have been angry with you. And I'll.... I'll work on that, too, okay? I know I need to.”

  
“Okay,” Adam sniffled, after a moment, rubbing his thumb across the sharp cut of his lover's jaw, tracks of moisture drying on his cheeks. “We'll work on it, baby...together.”

  
Kris nestled further into his arms in reply, remembering the feeling that had washed over him the moment the door had shut behind him. His heart had felt like it had crumbled in upon itself, and he'd known then, with unquestionable certainty, that he could never leave this man. He never would.

“I love you,” he mumbled, cupping Adam's face in his hands and wiping away the lingering moisture and the inky black mascara stains from his cheeks. “I'm sorry I ran like that. I.... I could never leave you, Adam. I couldn't.”

  
A small smile spread across Adam's lips in reply to the words, and Kris' eyes slipped shut as Adam's sweet, hot breath whispered across his face, his soft, full lips sealing over the smaller man's.

  
Kris pressed up into the familiar, welcome heat, wrapping his arms around the other man's neck to bring him closer. He touched his tongue to the taller man's sweet mouth, slowly trailing the tip of it across the lush curve of his freckled bottom lip.

  
Adam's gorgeous mouth parted against his with a soft noise in reply, their tongues sliding and tangling as they rearranged themselves. Adam stretched out on his side with his back pressed to the back of the sofa, Kris facing him and nestled into his arms, their legs entangled.

  
They parted a long minute later with a soft, sensual noise, their breaths fanning across each other's lips, Kris' fingers tangled into his lover's dark hair.

  
Kris could feel Adam's stirring excitement pressed up against the curve of his thigh, and he lightly nudged his hips forward, earning a little sigh of pleasure from his lover.

  
Adam's eyes were heavy-lidded with sleep, however, and he cradled Kris' face in his palm, pulling a long, drugging kiss from his lips.

  
He smiled mischievously. “I'm so exhausted, baby doll.... Why don't we save the hot make-up sex for later tonight, after a nap?”

  
Kris laughed a little embarrassedly, eyes crinkling as he smiled, stroking a hand over Adam's denim-clad hip. “Sounds just fine to me, lover.”

  
Adam grinned into his hair and pulled him close, stroking lightly down his back. Kris sighed and nuzzled into the soft fabric of his t-shirt in reply, inhaling the sweet scent of shampoo and citrus.

  
“I love you,” Kris mumbled, already half-asleep in his lover's arms, and he slipped away a moment later to the sweet sound of Adam's voice.

 


	20. Chapter 20

Kris woke up slowly, content and rested, smiling to himself as he nestled further into the long, freckled arms wrapped around his body. He sighed, breathing in the vanilla-sweet scent of his lover and wondering how on earth he had gone an entire week without _this._

  
 

His eyes cracked open to find Adam already awake, a half a smile on his full, bow lips, his hand laying warm beneath his t-shirt, fingernails scratching lightly at the small of his back.

  
 

Kris' eyes traced the familiar planes of his lover's face, and he quietly marveled at just how well he knew those features—he could close his eyes and picture the exact shape of his mouth, down to the small, defiant freckle adorning his bottom lip; he could tell you the texture and path of every scar. And it was all beauty to Kris, the makeup smears and the freckles and the scars.

  
 

He couldn't remember how it had felt to look at Adam and not feel love swelling in his chest...and he didn't want to.

  
 

“Adam,” Kris murmured, and Adam must have caught the hitching note in his voice, because the dark-haired man replied with a warm palm laid along his jaw line, drawing him in.

  
 

Kris sighed as Adam's soft lips parted against his, allowing Kris' tongue entrance into the hot sweetness of his mouth.

  
 

His fingers slowly carded though Adam's dark hair as they kissed, and he dragged his tongue across his lover's swollen, pouting bottom lip, leaving behind a shining wet trail of his saliva.

  
 

He pulled away to admire his handiwork, eyes tracing along Adam's lips, moist and parted. His eyes were heavy-lidded and dark beneath the inky spray of his bangs, his head propped up in his hand.

  
 

The graceful curve of his throat proved to be too much temptation, and Kris nuzzled in to press soft kisses to the milky-white flesh. His mouth lingered at Adam's pulse-point, feeling the rhythmic _ba-dump _of his heartbeat against his lips.

  
 

His tongue flicked out to taste the salty, warm flesh, and Adam curled black-painted fingers into his hair in response, tipping his head back with a shallow moan.

  
 

Kris' teeth scraped lightly across the saliva-slick spot, and he drew the pale skin into his mouth, softly sucking a deep red mark into the flesh.

  
 

His soft tongue soothed the hurt as Adam breathed quiet moans of approval above him, and Kris curled his fingers against the taut muscles of his shoulder, eyes slipping shut.

  
 

Adam petted his hair and rubbed over the sharp cuts of his shoulder blades, eyes slitted in pleasure, and Kris drew away to stare down at the lovemark his lips had suckled onto his throat. He liked the look of it there, standing out stark red against the pale, freckled slope of flesh. _Mine._

  
 

“Kris,” Adam softly moaned, feeling the mark with his sensitive fingertips before kissing him again, hotter this time, mouth insistent.

  
 

The dark-haired man pulled Kris closer with an arm wound around his back as their lips meshed and tasted, craving the proximity.

  
 

The press of their clothed bodies wasn't enough to satisfy, however, and Kris pulled back to look at his lover, overcome with a wave of thick, bone-deep desire for him.

  
 

He needed to join with him, to touch and taste his body, to hold him and love him, and Adam, sensing this, molded their lips together into a deep kiss.

  
 

“Yours,” Adam murmured, in reply to his unvoiced thoughts, his voice dropped to a breathy, sensual pitch. “Yours, Kris.”

  
 

Kris stood and took the raven-haired man's hand, leading him to the bedroom. His heart was afloat, his mind hazy, thick with some drugging combination of love and lust.

  
 

That was all he'd needed to hear.

  
 

~

  
 

Adam let Kris maneuver him against the pillows at the head of their bed, then pulled his lover down against him, wrapping his arms around his slender frame.

  
 

Kris settled down against him with a contented sigh, stroking the taller man's chest with graceful fingers and slowly tracing the soft curve of his lips with his tongue.

  
 

Nimble fingers tugged at the buttons of his shirt, then, undoing them one by one as slow, slick kisses were pressed to his lips. He felt the gentle rasp of palms sliding across his chest, pushing the fabric of his open shirt away and revealing the skin beneath.

Kris paused, then, a soft rustle of fabric indicating the departure of the smaller man's shirt. The bed shifted beneath them as Kris shuffled around on it, the soft thump of heavy fabric hitting the carpet reverberating throughout the room a minute later.

Kris straddled him again after a moment, and Adam groaned low in his throat as his hands found the naked curve of the other man's thighs, the sharp angles of his hips.

Kris purred a little and leaned into his touch, but stayed focused on his task at Adam's hips, his fingers pulling the dark-haired man's jeans away from his legs and tossing them aside.

"You're so beautiful, Adam," Kris murmured after a moment, nuzzling against his cheek, his voice warm and sensual. "You have no idea."

Adam turned his face into the gentle nudges and closed his lips over the other man's mouth, lightly sucking and nipping at his bottom lip as their tongues mingled.

Kris pulled his lips away a long minute later, Adam gasping a little bit as the younger man's soft lips moved to suckle on his earlobe, drawing the soft flesh into his mouth and tracing it with his tongue.

Adam's long cock grew hard between his thighs as Kris nipped once more at the lobe, before moving lower and slipping his lips over the hard, sensitized bud of a nipple, rasping his tongue over it. Adam moaned and carded his fingers through Kris' hair as the brunette's teeth gently tugged on the stiff peak, sending little jolts of electricity right down to his cock.

Kris shifted down the bed, then, his hands slowly dragging his thighs apart, as if he was a prize to be savored. Adam could feel his gaze on him, heavy and intimate.

Pre-come was smeared wetly across Adam's belly from his erect cock, and he moaned as the brunette between his thighs leaned down to lick off the milky bitterness.

Adam threw his head back against the pillows and gasped as Kris teased the crease between thigh and groin with his tongue, his long fingers spasmodically clenching into the bedsheets beside him.

There was no type of mental process that could possibly prepare him for the slick tightness of Kris' mouth descending upon him; there never was. Adam's hips could only stutter and gyrate under the warm wetness as Kris played with the flared head, lapping and sucking at the salty flesh.

"Kris," Adam groaned, curling his fingers into Kris' thick, soft locks as the smaller man slid his mouth further down his shaft, "You take such good care of me, baby...."

Kris hummed a pleased noise around his cock, his slick throat and pliant lips creating mind-blowing suction as his soft, wet tongue flicked over the slit, making the larger man moan and buck.

Adam's fingers tightened into his lover's hair after a few more minutes, gently tugging him off his cock and hearing the soft _pop_ as it slid from his mouth.

"Adam?" Kris said, questioningly, voice rough, and Adam dragged him upwards in reply, kissing his abused, swollen lips and tasting himself on his tongue.

And Adam felt it all: Kris' callused hands touching his body like it was some gorgeous work of art, Kris' slender, solid form moving against his hips, claiming him with hot, wet slides of velvet between their thighs. Kris.

Adam absorbed it all, every little sigh of Kris' breath, into his mind, letting it simmer and grow somewhere deep within him. It had never been this intense, this all-encompassing; not even the first time, and all Adam could process was the need to drown in it all, in Kris, in his scent and his touch and the taste of him.

He wanted to give him everything he had.... He wanted to be _his._

"Kris," Adam murmured, voice low and intimate as he pulled him closer and parted his thighs, slowly. "Kris, I.... I love you so much. Take me. Make me yours."

He paused, then, touching his lover's face and breathing against his lips. "I'm yours, baby. Make love to me?"

Kris sucked in a harsh breath of air and shuddered against his body, and then callused fingertips were stroking his jaw, a soft mouth rubbing across his own.

"You're sure?" Kris asked, voice gravelly and thick, and Adam only spread his legs further, nodding.

"_Adam,_" Kris moaned, in reply to the confirmation, and then a hot mouth was claiming his own as warm hands pressed into the flesh of his inner thighs, spreading him wide around Kris' hips.

A finger dipped between his legs as they kissed, rubbing against the quivering pink flesh of his entrance, and Adam gasped into Kris' mouth, clutching at his biceps.

"In the drawer," Adam told him, simply, his breaths quickening as Kris retrieved the lube and popped the cap, the noise loud in the small room.

It was really going to happen, Adam finally realized, squeezing his eyes shut against the overwhelming tidal wave of emotion that came with the revelation. He was about to give himself to another man. To his Kris.

"Shh, Adam.... Relax for me, honey," Kris cooed into his ear, feeling the instinctive tightening of the dark-haired man's hole as his lube-slick fingers descended, rubbing slowly against the trembling ring of muscle. "I'm gonna make you feel so good, baby. I promise."

"Kris," Adam replied, his voice wavering as love and lust broke in thick waves over his heart.

His body gradually relaxed in Kris' embrace, and the smaller man stroked his exposed flesh lovingly, kissing his face and running his fingers through his hair.

Then a wet finger was sliding deep into his body, stretching his tight hole open, and Adam's lips parted on a gasp, his hips wobbling a little uncertainly.

"Okay?" Kris asked, gently rocking the finger up into him, and Adam's reply meshed into a garbled exhale of vowels as Kris' finger brushed against a place inside of him that made his vision spot black.

"Kris.... Kris," Adam groaned, as the smaller man added another finger, pushing the digits into his tight, wet passage and brushing ever so gently against that soft bump deep inside of him.

Kris' free arm cradled Adam's body to his own, and Adam's hands scrabbled at his lover's sweat-slick back, his breaths gasping exhales as he buried his face into the curve of his neck.

Kris just continued to murmur soft words of love into his ear as he slowly fingered him, and soon Adam's tight hole was stretched loose and open, the puckered skin slick with lube.

"Ready for you," Adam breathed into his shoulder, a long minute later, his hips gyrating against the invading digits. His cock was laying red against his belly, throbbing with desire. "Want you inside me. Please?"

"Yes," the other man murmured, the rip of a condom wrapper sounding a moment later, and then the blunt head of Kris' cock was nudging against his hole, pressing slowly inside.

Adam buried his face into his lover's shoulder and whimpered through the initial painful stretch. Kris' arms wrapped around his waist, holding him close as his sweet, low voice murmured praise and comfort into his ear.

Soon, Kris' cock was sheathed deep inside his body, his hole stretched thin around the thick length.

Adam groaned low in his throat as the sharp burn gradually subsided into a glowing pleasure, and Kris slowly began to rock in and out of his body in reply, their hips moving together.

And it had been _so long_, so long since he'd been filled and fucked, and Adam slipped his lips over Kris' as they made love, succumbing to the sensations of his body being claimed by the man who already owned his heart.

~

Kris couldn't even describe what he was feeling.

Adam's strong thighs were wrapped snugly around his back, the velvety heat of his body grasping at his cock, and Kris could barely breath looking down at him.

His eyelashes were fluttering against his cheeks, his hair fanned across his face and sticking to the sweat beading at his brow. The lush, bow lips he'd just released were parted and panting, letting his little noises of pleasure escape.

He'd never been more beautiful.

Adam's hand scrabbled at his hips and his back, protesting his withdraw, and Kris soothed him with loving strokes of his hands, letting his lover draw him closer.

Adam's body was rock hard and his mouth seeking, and his muscles clenched around him as his thighs tightened around his back, drawing him deeper into his body.

He knew what this meant to Adam, what an amazing, special gift he'd been given--every thrust into the hot, willing body spread out beneath him was an intimate confirmation of the fact that Adam was, unarguably, _his._

"Hard," Adam breathed, his pupils blown wide, thighs quivering around Kris' hips. "Want to feel you."

Kris groaned brokenly into his mouth, unwinding Adam's long legs from around him and pressing them back towards his chest, spreading him wide as his he pushed up into the warm, clenching vice of his body.

Adam moaned, hand clutching at the back of his neck and pulling him down to tongue the soft crease of his lips.

Kris laid a hand on his lover's jaw in reply, angling his face to deepen their kiss as he snapped his hips up into him, the mattress creaking beneath their entwined bodies.

Kris pulled back to watch Adam, seeing as the other man turned his face sideways against the pillow, eyes shut and breaths gasping out from between his parted lips.

Kris touched his cheek with trembling fingers as he panted, and Adam pressed into the touch, scarred blue eyes opening.

"Kris, please," he moaned, his cock bouncing against his belly as he rocked with the force of Kris' thrusts, and Kris reached down to grasp the angry-red, throbbing length, rubbing his palm along the edge.

Adam cried out and jerked against the sheets, arching up in a graceful bow of muscles, his body clenching spasmodically around the length fucking into him.

"Come with me," Kris murmured into his ear, feeling the velvet tightness of his lover's body coaxing him closer to the edge, and Adam's cries echoed off the walls as his cock throbbed in Kris' hand, spilling his hot release over his fingers.

Kris thrust deep once more, his cock jerking inside Adam as he pulled his lover through his orgasm, and Adam's lips parted into a perfect 'o', moaning his name as Kris spilled into the condom.

Kris shuddered through the peak of his pleasure, collapsing down against Adam's heaving chest, and the taller man wrapped his arms around him, burying his face into his neck and panting.

They laid in silence as they both came down from the high of their lovemaking, and Kris turned his face down to gently kiss him, stroking his cheek.

Adam sighed out a little noise as Kris slipped his softened cock out of his body, letting him go for only long enough to throw the condom into the trashcan beside the bed.

Adam settled onto his side and reached for him with a small, sleepy smile on his lips, and Kris nestled into his arms, smiling as Adam pressed a kiss to his temple.

"You're okay?" Kris asked, touching his face, and Adam wrapped him tighter into his warm embrace, nodding into his hair.

"Yes," Adam confirmed, his hands laying warm on the smaller man's back, fingers caressing the flesh. "Yes. It's just, I was so afraid.... That I'd lost you. For good, this time. And I needed...to be with you. To give you that. And.... I'm so glad I did."

He paused, then, pressing his lips to Kris' neck and keeping them there, warm and intimate. "I'm so happy.... I love you."

"I love you. too," Kris replied, basking sleepily in the warm, affectionate atmosphere their lovemaking had left behind. "I love you so much."

Adam smiled into his neck, then shifted closer to him, breaths gradually slowing against his skin.

Kris gently ran his fingers through his lover's thick, dark hair, and slowly dropped off to sleep, surrounded by Adam's glowing, peaceful presence.  



	21. Chapter 21

Kris cracked one eye sleepily open the next morning, squinting against the bright morning sunlight filtering in through the blinds. He managed to put together exactly three coherent observations in a row:

  
 

Too bright.

No Adam.

Bacon?

  
 

Kris rolled over and buried his face into the pillow beside him, inhaling the sweet scent of his lover's shampoo and sighing. He really wanted to cuddle with his man, but considering that there was no warm body beside him, his pillow would have to do. At least until he was awake enough to function.

  
 

It was the aroma of frying bacon that eventually lured him out of bed, and Kris paused at the kitchen doorway, watching for a moment.

  
 

This _had _to the scene every man dreamed of waking up to:their lover, clad in naught but low-slung pajama pants, standing at the stove with a spatula in hand.

  
 

Kris shuffled over to him, winding his arms around Adam's waist from behind and burying his face between his shoulder blades.

  
 

“Hey, baby,” Adam cheerily greeted, and Kris could tell solely from the tone of his voice that he'd already had his morning coffee. Kris, alternatively, could only reply with a sleepy snuffle, pressing closer to his back.

  
 

“Coffee's over there, babe,” Adam chuckled, pointing to the counter top, and Kris peeled himself away to grab a mug and fill it, sitting down at the table and sipping contentedly.

  
 

“Thank you, babe,” Kris grated out, his voice rough with sleep, when Adam placed a plate with bacon and an omelette on it in front of him.

  
 

“No problem,” Adam smiled, settling down into the chair next to Kris gently, wincing slightly as his backside connected with it.

  
 

“Are you okay?” Kris asked, concerned, the caffeine starting to kick in. 

  
 

Adam nodded, smiling a little mischievously. “It's the best kind of hurt, baby,” he assured Kris, winking. “It's been a long time.”

  
 

Kris grinned, leaning across the table to kiss Adam's soft lips before turning to his food and digging in. He could feel the burn in his own muscles, now that Adam mentioned it. It felt wonderful--the aches were a sweet, lingering reminder of their lovemaking.

  
 

“Why don't we get showered, baby?” Adam asked once they'd finished and done the dishes, leaning back against the counter top. “I'm _still _sticky.”

  
 

Kris' eyes automatically flashed down to Adam's loose purple pajama pants, hanging low on his hips, and the dark-haired man chuckled, wrapping an arm around his waist.

  
 

“I love that I can tell when you're blushing without even feeling, now,” Adam laughed into his ear, and Kris mumbled a protest, because he _wasn't. _Okay, maybe a little bit, but it didn't matter, okay?

  
 

“I'll take that as a yes to the shower, anyway,” Adam grinned, cheerfully tugging him along.

  
 

~

  
 

An hour later, they were showered and dressed, but still ensconced in the lingering steamy heat of the bathroom. Kris was perched on a miraculously empty spot on the vanity, watching as Adam deftly did his make up.

  
 

“Were you always that good at that?” Kris questioned as Adam applied his eyeliner in a few quick swipes. 

  
 

The taller man set the pencil down before replying, smudging at the dark line with his finger. “I've done a lot of musical theater,” Adam explained, brushing some light eyeshadow onto his lids, “and we usually had to do our own stage make up. I got LOADS of practice.”

  
 

“You did musical theater?” Kris repeated, his eyebrows raising slightly in surprise. “Really? As in, like, musicals and stuff?”

  
 

“That _is _what musical theater implies,” Adam laughed, giving him a quick kiss. “But yeah. I spent, like, three minutes in college for it, then decided I wanted to get out and do the real thing, you know? My last long-term gig was with _Wicked, _as an understudy.... I even spent some time in Europe with _Hair. _THAT was some crazy shit.”

  
 

Kris didn't know why he was so surprised, really--with that big voice and charismatic personality, it was no wonder that that's where Adam had started out. 

  
 

Adam paused. “I got kind of bored with it, though. I wanted to make my own music. So I did.”

  
 

He snapped his compact closed and smiled, moving between Kris' legs and letting the smaller man wrap his arms around his waist.

  
 

“I can just imagine you on stage, dripping glitter and sequins,” Kris teased, and Adam laughed.

  
 

“I certainly did,” Adam confirmed, with a wink. “I'll show you my video from the Zodiac Show, sometime.”

  
 

Adam grinned, then, fingering the eyeliner pencil laying on the counter top next to them. “I'd love to do you up sometime, though. Just _feeling _you in my make up would be hot as fuck.”

  
 

“Er,” Kris said, “Maybe later.”

  
 

“Okay,” Adam agreed with a chuckle before absently stroking Kris' cheek, seeming to think hard about something for a moment. Kris watched, a little confused, as his lover's expression settled on something akin to subtle nervousness.

  
 

“Baby?” the dark-haired man questioned after a few moments, “Can we talk about something?”

  
 

“Sure,” Kris agreed, following his man out of the bathroom and wondering, with slight anxiety, just what was on his lover's mind.

  
 

Adam led him to their bed, sitting down next to him and biting his lip.

  
 

“I just.... I wanted to tell you that....” Adam started, “That I still want to go to therapy with Ethan.”

  
 

Kris' slight frown deepened in reply to the words, his heart clenching a little. Anger flashed in his chest, undeniable, as the image of Ethan's face came into his mind, and he bit down on his tongue, remembering his and Adam's night together.

  
 

“But, Adam,” Kris protested in what he hoped was a level voice, “He _kissed _you--”

  
 

Adam cut him off with a raised hand, saying, “Please, Kris, just hear me out.”

  
 

Adam paused, taking a few deep breaths. “I..., I think Ethan's where I was a year or two ago, you know? Just... confused and grieving. I.... I don't think he's a bad guy, really.”

  
 

Kris raised a skeptical eyebrow, but let Adam continue.

  
 

“It's just.... You were my support when I really needed one--you still are. You helped me realize everything that needed to be fixed. It's just.... I think I could be that for Ethan. Not as a lover; just as a friend. A support. Because I've been there, you know? I think I could help him a lot.... And I think it would be beneficial to me, too. Give me someone to talk to who's been there.”

  
 

Kris was silent. His immediate reaction, truthfully, was jealously that his support alone wasn't enough for Adam--but, after a moment, he deflated with a sigh. That was stupid. As much as he hated to admit it, Ethan _could _relate to Adam better than pretty much anyone else at this point.

  
 

“Okay,” Kris agreed, after a long moment, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I can see your point.”

  
 

A small smile stole over Adam's lips in reply, and he hugged Kris tightly, rubbing his face against his hair.

  
 

“Thank you for being okay with it, baby,” he murmured, squeezing him. “You're the only man I want. I promise.”

  
 

“Good,” Kris replied, smiling and kissing him. “But don't blame me if I get all caveman possessive sometimes.”

  
 

“Should I get your club?” Adam snickered, and Kris growled playfully, pressing him back into the mattress.

  
 

“You know it, lover.”

  
 

~

  
 

“Yeah, baby, oh _fuck _me,” Adam moaned, the clothes they'd just put on already cast away, as Kris, pressed against his back, nibbled teasingly at the shell of his ear.

  
 

“Mmm, of course,” Kris whispered, grinding his hips against the supple curve of his lover's ass, and Adam threw his head back and moaned, rubbing his cock against the bedsheets beneath him.

  
 

Tension was building up low in Kris' stomach, hot and clenching, and he groaned, riding Adam's tight little hole hard.

  
 

And then the cellphone on the bedside table decided to burst into loud David Bowie music.

  
 

“You _had _to leave your phone on?” Kris panted, pausing mid-thrust, and Adam arched below him with a moan, pressing back onto his cock.

  
 

“Just ignore it, baby,” Adam pleaded, squirming beneath him. “Fuck me.”

  
 

“Just let me check.... It could be something important,” Kris said, reaching over to grab the phone. He looked down at the caller ID, perplexed. “It says GDFTB.”

  
 

“Guide Dogs for the Blind,” Adam helpfully supplied. “Fuck, I can't ignore them.”

  
 

“You're really gonna answer the phone like this?” Kris asked, disbelievingly, as Adam reached for the phone, grabbing it with a shrug.

  
 

“I've talked on the phone in more compromising positions than this, babe,” he said with a smirk. “Don't move.”

  
 

Adam flipped the phone open and answered it with a cheerful “Hello,” sounding almost disturbingly normal as he shifted beneath Kris.

  
 

Kris could hear the woman at the other end reply, and, okay, that was just too weird. Kris slipped out of his lover, who pouted at him over his shoulder, wiggling his ass a bit. The sight was certainly tempting, but Kris forced himself to sit back and watch as his man's attention returned to the call.

  
 

“Oh, great! Friday? Sure, yeah, I'm available Friday. Two o'clock would be great. Okay, thanks, Lara! See you then.”

  
 

Adam hung up the phone and rolled onto his back, making a little happy noise and clapping.

  
 

“My guide dog interview's set up!” Adam announced, eyes bright. “I get to find out if I've been accepted soon. I already did the phone consultation and sent in all the forms they need and whatever, so now it's home assessment time.”

  
 

“That's great, Adam,” Kris smiled, letting the dark-haired man tug him down on top of him into a kiss.

  
 

“We'd better get celebrating, baby,” Adam smiled mischievously against his lips, parting his thighs, and Kris chuckled, sliding back into him with a slow roll of his hips.

  
 

~

  
 

Kris pulled up in front of Bobby's office, idling in front of the building and unlocking the car doors for his lover.

  
 

The day had come for Adam and Ethan's therapy session in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Their joint excitement over Adam's upcoming interview had overwhelmed their anxiety over _this, _but if the vaguely nervous expression on Adam's face was any indication, it had returned with full force.

  
 

Kris looked up, a goodbye poised on his lips, only to inadvertently lock gazes with Ethan, who was standing uncertainly by the entrance. He couldn't stifle the quick flash of anger that lit his own gaze, and Ethan's lip curled a little even as he dropped his eyes.

  
 

Apparently the feeling was mutual.

  
 

“Bye,” Kris said, a little stiffly, and Adam laid a hand on his knee, expression beseeching.

  
 

“Please, baby,” he asked, his dark hair falling over his earnest blue eyes, “Don't act like that, okay? It.... It makes me feel like I haven't done enough to prove how I feel about you. Only you.”

  
 

Kris sighed, placing his hand over Adam's on his knee. 

  
 

“You have, Adam, don't think that,” he replied, his eyes pointed towards their entwined hands. “It's just.... It's a tension point right now, you know? I'm trying my best.”

  
 

“All right, honey,” Adam said, squeezing his fingers. “That's all I can ask for. I love you.”

  
 

“I love you too,” Kris replied, molding their mouths together into a light, lingering kiss.

  
 

Kris _did _have to admit that it felt good to solidly assert the dynamic of things in front of Ethan, who he was sure was watching.

  
 

“I'll see you in a few hours, babe,” Kris murmured against his lips, pecking him once more before pulling away. “I hope it goes well.”

  
 

“I hope so, too,” Adam replied, opening the door and smiling back at him. “See you in a bit, doll.”

  
 

The door shut behind him, then, and Kris pulled away, not waiting around long enough to see Ethan and Adam walk in together.

  
 

~

  
 

Adam sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Ethan, a little awkwardly. Their greeting outside had been stilted, to say the least. Anxiety churned in his stomach, and he bit his lip, hands clasping in his lap.

  
 

Bobby, in contrast, was as cool and collected as ever. That was one of the things Adam had clung to, early on--she was constant, calm. Always there.

  
 

“You're Ethan, right?” Bobby asked, and Ethan must have nodded, because she continued on uninterrupted. “I'm Bobby. How old are you, Ethan?”

  
 

“Eighteen,” Ethan replied, quietly, no emotion evident in his voice.

  
 

“Ah, to be eighteen again,” Bobby mused, before pausing. “And you, Adam--how's the guide dog process coming along? I sent in that report they asked for.”

  
 

“I know,” Adam nodded. “Thank you. And good, so far. We have a home visit scheduled for tomorrow, actually.”

  
 

“That's great,” Bobby replied warmly. “You're working your way towards a big step. I'm very proud of you.”

  
 

Adam smiled a little as Bobby shifted, turning her attention back to the man at the other end of the couch. “So, Ethan, tell me a little bit about yourself. What are some of the things you like to do?”

  
 

And wow, was _that _ever deja vu for Adam--he remembered the very day that Bobby had first asked him that question, only a few weeks after the accident. He'd fought against the lump in his throat and the tears in his eyes, then, choking out the words “I sing.”

  
 

Ethan's answer was much more composed than his had been, all that time ago, and was said in a low, quiet tone of voice. "I don't know.... I play basketball, I guess. And write some."

"What team do you play for?" Bobby asked, and Adam vaguely wondered where this was going, until he remembered something Bobby had told him, a long time ago: You can gather many things about a person through simple conversation.

"I played for my high school, but, I dunno.... I've kind of...let it slip a little, since...."

  
 

His voice was tense, and Bobby pressed him with a gentle "Since?"

"Since the accident," Ethan bit out, his voice hitching slightly.

"Why has that caused you to stop doing what you love to do?" Bobby asked, and Ethan laughed humorlessly.

"I know I have a problem, if that's what you're getting at," he said, a little unevenly. "I've know that for a long time."

"It's good that you acknowledge that, Ethan," Bobby replied. "That's the first step. Now.... Could you try to tell me, with just a few adjectives, how you feel about what happened that day?"

Adam heard as Ethan's breathing picked up slightly, and he replied, "I feel...lonely? Angry, sometimes. And...." His voice cracked. "Guilty."

Bobby paused. "That's a completely normal emotion to have, when something happens to a loved one. But it wasn't a situation you had any semblance of control over, was it? There was no way you could have predicted what was going to happen. Would you agree with that?"

"Yeah...." he murmured, slowly. "I mean, I know that I...didn't know what was going to happen, and couldn't have changed it.... But I-I still can't help but think...if I had been a better brother, could I have prevented it? Would B-Brad still be alive?"

His voice came out between small hitching sobs, now, and Adam heard as Bobby shifted, probably to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Adam's been through a very similar experience," Bobby commented, sitting back. "And from our sessions together, I know he's also worked through a lot of guilt. Adam, would you mind sharing a little bit about how you've been working through that?"

"Um, no, I don't mind." Adam agreed, pausing to think._ I can't believe I'm explaining something like this to somebody else right now._ "I.... It was really hard, for a while. I...didn't want to do anything. No matter how many times I was told by other people that it wasn't my fault, I couldn't listen to those people until I started to believe it for myself."

He paused. "So, I.... It was a big, frightening leap, but I started to reconnect with the things I love to do...and with the people around me. And I swear, all I found was love and support. From Bobby, from Kris, from my parents and my friends. It was so hard, but I knew that if I got caught up, there was _always_ someone in my corner."

He stopped, biting his lip, and Bobby patted his knee, praising him. "That's great, Adam. And very true. What Adam brought up is a HUGE part of starting the process of moving forward from a trauma: setting up support systems. No matter if it's a support group or just your family and close friends, it makes taking that first leap so much easier, knowing you have a whole web of people working as your safety net."

"Yeah," Ethan mumbled, after a moment, "But I don't know how to talk to my parents about these types of things. I just.... I don't know. I've always stayed pretty much to myself, and...."

"Your parents will listen to you, no matter what you decide to tell them," Adam assured him with conviction. "They're incredibly supportive people."

"I know they are," Ethan acknowledged, voice leveling out as he took a few deep breaths.

"And it doesn't need to be all at once, Ethan," Bobby assured him. "Just opening up to the people you love little by little can have a huge affect over a span of time."

After a long moment, Bobby exclaimed, "My, it's been an hour already. Do either of you have anything you'd like to discuss before we wrap up?"

They both shook their heads no and stood, and Bobby shook both their hands, substituting the more formal greeting for what she and Adam were used to in private.

"This was a very good session for both of you," Bobby smiled, warmly. "I think we've made some good initial progress. I'll see you next week, same day? We'll work on teaching Ethan some stress relaxation methods, I think, Adam."

Adam agreed, before chorusing his goodbye along with Ethan andheading out to the lobby after the smaller man.

Adam paused outside the building, mustering up his courage and facing Ethan.

"If you ever need to talk to me, Ethan, you know you can," Adam said. "I've moved  
past what happened at the reunion. And I've been through a lot of the same things as you, so just let me know."

Ethan sighed. “I know. It's just...I dunno how I feel. I.... I can't deny that I'm still holding a grudge." He sighed again. "Plus your boyfriend pretty much despises me. So...."

"Kris is just...protective, right now," Adam said, rubbing at the back of his neck. "He's really a very sweet man. And I hope that, through this, you and I can work some things out."

"Yeah," Ethan mumbled in agreement, pausing for a moment before continuing. "I'll see you around."

Adam returned the goodbye, listening as footsteps slapped slowly across pavement, and then he was gone.

~  



	22. Chapter 22

“Hey, baby,” Kris greeted Adam as the dark-haired man slid into the car. “How did it go?”

  
 

“It went....” Adam started, then trailed off, expression both thoughtful and a little confused. “Good, I think? We just talked about support systems and things.... He didn't really say much.”

  
 

“Oh,” Kris said, the silence thick between them as Adam took a deep, steadying breath.

  
 

“I told him that if he ever needs to talk to someone, I'm always available,” Adam reported quietly, and Kris' fingers instinctively twitched on the steering wheel. Ethan being with Adam in therapy with Bobby was one thing, but alone....

  
 

“I don't think that's a good idea,” Kris said bluntly, and Adam's lips thinned.

  
 

“Come on, Kris,” Adam replied tightly, “He needs help. I'm not just going to shy away from him because of one incident. He's a eighteen year old boy, for heaven's sake.”

  
 

“Oh, and I'm _just _your boyfriend, who shouldn't care if an eighteen year old boy makes moves on you?” Kris returned, hot aggravation simmering low in his voice, and Adam's eyes narrowed in reply.

  
 

“You _know_ that's not how it is, Kris,” Adam bit out, hands clenching. “So why do you have to keep rehashing it?”

  
 

The taller man's shoulders broadened stiffly even as the words left his lips, defensive pride evident in the set of his jaw, and his tone as he continued was rigid and final.

  
 

“And it's not your decision in the first place. You don't _have _to like it. I'm a fucking grown man-- I'll make up my own mind, thank you very much.”

  
 

“Fine, Adam,” Kris mumbled, pressing his lips together. “Do whatever the hell you want.”

  
 

Kris parked the car and walked straight into Adam's apartment, the larger man following after him. He roughly grabbed the things he'd brought before turning back towards the door, his anger evident in the sharp click of his footsteps.

  
 

Adam caught his arm before he could reach the door, however, his eyebrows drawn down into a flat line. “Where are you going?”

  
 

“Home,” Kris replied simply, trying in vain to shake his lover's hand off his arm.

  
 

Adam deflated with a heavy exhale, face going slack as his black-tipped fingers loosened their grip on the smaller man's bicep. “Please, Kris.... We promised we'd tried to talk about things more, instead of....”

  
 

Kris' mouth twisted as he turned his face away, but he let himself be led to the couch, the leather cool against his irritation-heated skin.

  
 

Adam sighed, raking a hand through his hair. “I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I snapped at you like that; that was rude. It's just.... Today, it felt...really good, knowing that I helped him, even a tiny bit. It feels so good knowing that I've made it that far. Far enough to help someone else out with a similar issue. I just.... I know how important it is to feel supported when you're that down. I wanna be a part of that.”

  
 

His head dipped, a little ashamed. “I really am sorry that you're upset.... I didn't mean to act like I didn't care. It's just, it's something I really feel I should do. And...I'm going to.”

  
 

“Okay, Adam,” Kris sighed after a long moment, rubbing at his neck. “I get that it will be a good thing for you, too. And I know that it's your decision. I'm sorry I keep overreacting. S'just...it's been hard.”

  
 

Adam made a little noise, eyes softening as he reached out to draw Kris into his arms. The smaller man curled up there, burying his face into Adam's broad chest.

  
 

Adam pressed a sweet kiss to the top of his head, cooing, “I love you, baby. I would never, ever put what we have in jeopardy. You know that, right?”

  
 

“I know,” Kris mumbled, into the soft fabric of his t-shirt. “I know that. It's.... It's _him _that I don't trust. Not you.”

  
 

“I know, sweetie,” Adam murmured, stroking his hair, “But I really, really think that that one day was just a fluke. He's just a confused young kid. I know how it is--no matter how much it hurts, when you're in that place, you tie yourself to any and every reminder of what you lost. Just...trust me, honey, okay?”

  
 

“Okay,” Kris agreed after a long few seconds, stretching up to kiss him lightly. “Do... Do whatever you feel you need to do. I trust you.”

  
 

Adam smiled tenderly down at him in reply, before claiming his mouth in a slow, loving caress of lips. And when they parted for breath, Kris buried his face into his lover's neck and let his eyes slide shut, breathing deep.

  
 

~

  
 

Kris hung up after a phone call from Alli, biting at his bottom lip and fiddling with the cell phone in his hands. He knew he would have to be the one to deliver the bad news to his lover, who was currently sprawled across the couch, contentedly reading a thick Braille novel. He was all long limbs and warm-soft angles, haloed in thick morning sunlight, and Kris, looking over at him, was loathe to disturb the moment.

  
 

“Baby...,” Kris started, perching on the cushion next to him, and Adam curled around him like a lazy tabby cat, his eyes heavily lidded.

  
 

“Yes, gorgeous?” Adam murmured, nuzzling his nose into the soft flannel covering the smaller man's side, and Kris sighed, stroking his fingers through his lover's thick, dark hair.

  
 

“I'm not gonna be able to be there for your interview, baby,” Kris said regretfully, and Adam pulled away from his side, eyes wide. Kris bit his tongue at the look on his lover's face, absolutely hating the fact that he was the one to put it there.

  
 

“But...why?” Adam asked, his eyebrows scrunched together, and Kris sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck.

  
 

“That was Allison who just called,” he replied, hesitantly. “She needs me to work a shift at the hospital. Some of the regulars for that shift had to cancel, and we're gonna be short-staffed if she doesn't get some people in there.”

  
 

“But, Kris,” Adam protested, “can't you.... Can't you find someone else, or something? I thought.... I thought this was a big step for us as a couple. I thought you'd want to be here.”

  
 

“I do, baby, I do,” Kris assured him, “and I'm so, so sorry. You can tell me all about it afterwards; I promise.”

  
 

“So work is more important to you than being here with me for this?” Adam asked, a little bitterly, and Kris' lips puckered.

  
 

“They really need me,” Kris replied, quietly. “And I never said that, Adam. Don't put words in my mouth.”

  
 

Adam paused with what was probably another argument poised on his tongue before he slumped back against the sofa instead, rubbing at his forehead as tears budded in his eyes.

  
 

“I don't want to fight,” he whispered, his big blue eyes dropping in defeat as his bottom lip trembled a little. “I'm sorry.”

  
 

“Oh no, shh, Adam,” Kris said after a moment, framing his lover's face in his hands and gently kissing away the falling tears. “I'm sorry, too. You know if there was any way for me to get out of it with a clear conscience, I would.”

  
 

“I know,” Adam murmured, sighing and gently dropping his forehead down against the other man's. “Why have we been bickering so much, lately?”

  
 

“So much has happened.... It's just been stressful, for both of us,” Kris replied, curling his fingers into the other man's silky black hair and looking up at him. _So beautiful._

  
 

“We're fine, Adam,” he assured his lover, stretching over to kiss him softly. “We're strong, baby. I love you so much.”

  
 

“I love you, too,” Adam replied, smiling a little despite himself as he touched his fingertips to Kris' face, pressing their lips together.

  
 

“Let's make love,” Adam murmured into Kris' mouth, warm and sensual They were still tangled together, and Kris just leaned into his touches, letting their worries fall away for a while.

  
 

~

  
 

Kris' stomach was tied into nervous knots by the time he returned to Adam's apartment later that night, and he lingered outside in the hallway for a moment, caught between wanting to break the door down and wanting to creep in silently.

  
 

He gnawed at his lip and fingered the pendant lying at the hollow of his throat, staring at the light wood of the door. He took a breath and settled on the the second option, but soon realized that he needn't have bothered. Adam heard him despite his low-key entrance, and the dark-haired man's expression left no doubt as to what had happened, anyway.

  
 

His lover's poor attempt at a straight face cracked wide open as soon as the door clicked shut, and his full lips curved into a wide, beaming smile. His eyes were bright, dancing with excitement. “Hi, baby.”

  
 

Kris couldn't help the grin that settled over his own lips, seeing the good news written all over Adam's face, and a giddy little noise bubbled up in his own throat as he hurried over to his man. He slipped into Adam's embrace, kissing his face and uttering jumbled congratulations, and Adam just laughed lightly into his ear, squeezing him.

  
 

Kris couldn't help but join in, and he buried his face into his lover's neck as he giggled, pressing his smile into the smooth flesh. “You have absolutely no poker face, Adam,” Kris informed him, his lover's soft hair tickling his cheek as he pulled back, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Just so you know.”

  
 

“I can't help it!” Adam defended, his thousand-watt smile on full display as his body thrummed with hectic energy. “I'm leaving for classes up in San Rafael in a week!”

  
 

“Oh my god, that's great! Tell me all about the meeting,” Kris exclaimed, and Adam needed no further prompting, the story pouring out of him in a hurried tidal wave of words.

  
 

“Well, we went for a mile or so walk around the city so she could assess my mobility and whatever, and I got to go with a guide dog and _oh my god, _it was so different, but SO good and--”

  
 

“Take a breath, babe!” Kris teased, rubbing his hands over his lover's broad chest, and Adam laughed, swaying them from side to side.

  
 

“I was accepted to the program,” Adam finished, his scarred blue eyes bright as his entire angelic face glowed with joy. “I'm getting a guide dog! It's.... It's really gonna happen, Kris.”

  
 

“I never doubted that it would, my brave man,” Kris smiled against his lips, softly touching his face, and Adam just grinned into their kiss, pulling him close.

  
 

~

  
 

One short week later, Kris and Adam were lingering outside the car in the blazing San Rafael heat, postponing their goodbye for just a few more seconds. Adam's bags were at his side, and a series of buildings that made up the campus of Guide Dogs for the Blind was sprawled out before them.

  
 

“Do you need any help getting your bags or signing in or anything?” Kris asked, hands laying on the other man's chest, and Adam slowly shook his head, adjusting his duffel bag over his shoulder.

  
 

“No. Everything should be taken care of,” Adam replied, then wrapped him into a tight embrace, burying his face into his hair. “I'm gonna miss you so bad, baby,” Adam murmured into his ear, and Kris hugged him tighter in response, stretching up on his toes to press a lingering kiss to his lips.

  
 

“I'm gonna miss you, too. But just think.... In two weeks, we'll have a new addition to the family.”

  
 

“We will,” Adam agreed, then paused, his averted eyes showing some type of internal debate. “I wanna talk about something,” Adam said, after a moment. “Just for a second.”

  
 

“What, Adam?” Kris questioned, touching his cheek reassuringly, and the taller man smiled lightly in reply, taking a breath before continuing.

  
 

“When I get back, would.... Would you move in with me, at my place?” Adam asked all in a rush, biting his lip nervously when a surprised Kris didn't immediately reply.

  
 

“Adam....” Kris trailed off, not having a clue what to say or even how to feel, and Adam shushed him with a soft kiss, carding his fingers through his hair.

  
 

“Don't answer now,” Adam murmured, stroking his cheek and kissing his face. “Just think about it while I'm gone, okay? I love you so much, sweetheart.”

  
 

“Okay,” Kris agreed, stretching up to receive his final goodbye kiss. “I love you too, baby.”

  
 

Adam pulled away, then, waving and blowing a kiss back at him as he disappeared through the front gates. And Kris could only lean back against the car and watch his slowly retreating form, his mind buzzing with a million thoughts.


	23. Chapter 23

Adam heard the door to his room click open with a flourish, and he followed his guide into the space that would be his home for the next two weeks. He set his bags down against the wall as his cheerful guide--Shelly--briefed him on the space and the upcoming events.

"Okay, Adam," she announced, "here's your room, number 28. It is...5:30 right now, so you have half an hour to get settled or unpack; whatever you like. Then we'll be meeting down at the main courtyard at six. You can't miss it; you take a left out of this building and follow the path. You'll be able to hear the fountain."

"So.... We'll be meeting our dogs today?" Adam asked, his stomach fluttering a little, half nerves, half excitement.

"Yup," Shelly confirmed, "We're gonna take you guys on a short tour, take care of some introductory stuff, and then you'll get to meet and spend some time with your dog."

"Okay, great." Adam smiled, and Shelly left with a friendly goodbye, reminding him to bring his coursework along at 6:00.

Adam set about figuring out the layout of the room once the door had clicked shut, curiously exploring the spacious room. The main seating was a soft love seat which sat in front of a small TV and a stereo. There was a good-sized bed tucked away in the back of the room, bracketed by a nightstand. The bathroom was small, but felt much like Adam's at home, and, to his delight, it had a counter top large enough to house all of his cosmetics and hair products.

Fifteen minutes later, Adam was sitting back on the love seat, out of things to arrange. He stroked his thumb idly over his wrist, where his second tattoo was inscribed into the flesh. The scent of his lover lingered on his shirt, and he was tempted to call him.... Even if Kris probably wasn't even halfway home.

He sighed, discarding the idea. A small smile curved his lips, however, as he imagined the silky strands of Kris' hair carding through his fingers. If he already was missing Kris, after being apart for less than an hour, he didn't know how he could manage two weeks without his boy around to kiss and hold. And without that body to caress....

Adam dragged his thoughts away from his lover, shaking his head a little and making for the door. The very _last_ thing he needed was to go through his first class with a boner.

~

Adam found the fountain easily enough and settled down onto the edge of it to wait. He was ten minutes early and dropped his small bag down beside him.

Adam heard footsteps as someone else approached, and then cloth was rustling as someone sat beside him on the rim of the fountain.

"Hey there," a male voice greeted. "I'm in the right place, I guess?"

"I think so," Adam laughed, crossing his legs. "There can't be that many fountains around here."

"Valid point," the guy said, after a moment, an amused smile evident in his voice. "I'm Tommy."

"Adam," Adam replied, offering a hand that was firmly shook by a slender, smooth one.

“Are you from L.A.?" Tommy asked. "You sound like it."

"Good guess," Adam grinned. "Yup. Born and raised."

"I'm living there, too," Tommy said. "Doing the whole starving artist deal. Like, the 'do I pick up a shift at work and buy groceries or play music this week?' kind."

"Oh, I know _all_ about that, honey," Adam laughed. "My boy Brad and I were so fucking sick of ramen noodles after a while--"

He paused as he realized what he'd said, bristling in anticipation of the memories stabbing at his chest in response to his thoughtless words--but none came, only a warm glow of remembrance.

"Brad?" Tommy repeated, sounding a little bemused. "This is a shot in the dark, but Brad as in Brad Bell? Oh my fuck, are you the Adam he wouldn't stop talking about?"

"Wow, I guess so," Adam replied, equally surprised. "How do you...?"

"I know him from way back," Tommy said, his voice taking on the exasperated affection that was often used by people for Brad. "That little fucker and I worked at the same place for a while. In which time he forced me to a club in drag. Twice."

Adam let out a surprised laugh, remembering the several occasions when he'd done the same. Of course, he'd been more than willing--he looked _fabulous_.

"So he used to....He talked about me?" Adam asked, half-smiling, and Tommy giggled a little mischievously.

"He told me your favorite position in bed," Tommy replied matter-of-factly. "So I think that's actually kind of an understatement."

Adam actually blushed a little, sputtering a little and saying, "Yeah, that's Brad, all right."

His paused, his voice lowering a little bit in affection, unsure why he was revealing all this to a stranger, but.... "I miss him a lot, you know?"

Tommy agreed, his voice low and understanding. "Yeah, man. But.... It's just the kind of thing you have to be strong and work through, right?"

"Right," Adam softly agreed, and they settled into companionable silence for a few minutes before Tommy spoke up again.

"So, you sing, man?"

~

Kris settled back against the pillows, glancing over at the clock, which read 10:30. Adam's class and bedtime routine would be over by now, and despite having only been away from him for a few hours, he was more than ready to hear his lover's voice in his ear.

Adam picked up with a cheerful hello after only two rings, his sweet voice washing warmly over Kris and soothing the ache in his chest.

"I was just about to call you, baby," Adam announced, a smile evident in his voice. "I just laid down to relax for a while. This bed feels way too empty without you."

"This one, too," Kris smiled, fingering the little knot hanging around his neck. He could imagine Adam right now, shirtless and lounging, his hair soft and his freckled face make-up free. "How was your first class?"

"Really amazing," Adam said, his voice brimming with infectious excitement. "And, guess what? I already met the dog they chose for me!"

"Already?" Kris exclaimed. "Oh my god! What breed? Is it a boy? What's its name--"

"It's a secret," Adam replied solemnly, breaking into a fit of giggles when Kris let out a disbelieving little noise. "Aw, that was really cute. But anyway, I want it to be a surprise! Please, baby?"

"Okay, fine," Kris sighed, smiling up at the ceiling. "So what else happened? Is your room nice?"

"It'd be nicer if you were in bed with me, sexy," Adam teased, and Kris chuckled, suddenly aware of his cock lying heavy but interested in his pajama pants. Apparently Little Kris agreed with that statement.

And he really must have said that out loud, because Adam was suddenly choking on his laughter, repeating, "_Little Kris?_ Does that mean I have a 'Little Adam' now?"

"'Little' might be an inappropriate adjective," Kris boldly replied, ignoring the blush heating his cheeks, and Adam laughed again, happy-warm and maybe just a little bit naughty.

"Let's not progress to naming our penises right now, baby," Adam giggled. "I want that to be a face-to-face experience. Or, you know, head-to-head."

"Oh, shut up." Kris flushed, ignoring Adam's gleeful laughter. "Pervert. We aren't naming anything."

"Aw," Adam said, mock-disappointed, before pausing, his voice dropping down to a teasing purr.

"I do wish you were here, though," he said. "Before you called, I was just laying here thinking about how much I'm gonna miss touching that gorgeous body of yours while I'm here.... I'm gonna miss sucking your cock so bad, baby."

The sensual heat of Adam's voice set fire to Kris' nerve endings, and he choked on his next breath, humming out a vague "Mmm" as his dick stiffened a little between his thighs, tenting the soft, loose fabric of his sleep pants.

"I'm gonna have to pin you down and play with you all night long once I get home, you know," Adam continued, evilly teasing. "Your cock's gonna ache so good by the time I'm done with you, babe."

Kris could only manage a small exhale in reply, and he let his fingers wander slowly down his bare chest as he considered the prospect, his heart pounding as his hand slowly descended to cup his cock and balls through his pj pants.

And he'd never.... He'd never even considered this, but here he was, spreading his thighs and slowly palming his cock. He heard the exact moment in which Adam realized what was happening, his gasp echoing down through the phone line.

"Are you touching yourself?" Adam asked after a long, incredulous moment, his voice dropped low and husky, and all that escaped Kris' throat in reply was a needy little whine.

"Oh my god," Adam gasped, his sharp exhale of breath morphing into a low, strangled moan, and Kris echoed it, digging the heel of his hand into his aching dick.

"What're you thinking about, baby?" Adam asked, the sheets rustling as he shifted positions, and Kris bit his lip, picturing Adam spread out and gripping at his own thick cock, slowly pumping it.

Kris' hand slipped slowly under the waistband of his pajama pants, wrapping around the base of his cock, and he groaned low in his throat, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he was overcome by the filthy images flooding into his mind.

"You...f-fucking me," Kris gasped, slowly rubbing his throbbing cock, and Adam moaned his name, shifting again.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Kris.... Get naked for me," Adam commanded, his voice low and breathy, "and put me on speakerphone. Now."

Kris hurried to obey, throwing his pajama pants across the room and setting the phone down onto the pillow beside him. He spread his knees wide, then, whimpering as his hand descended to stroke his hard cock. Adam's breathing was heavy in his ear, and all he could think of was that massive, thick cock, and Adam's fingers, stretching him open--

"Mmm...." Adam sighed, his voice wavering with pleasure as he continued, "Wish I was there to lick you all over. I'd start with your tight little nipples, then nip and kiss all the way down to your throbbing cock, so hot and big in my mouth, stretching my lips open so wide.... Can you...mmm...Can you feel my mouth on you, baby?"

"Y-yes.... Adam, please," Kris whimpered, his hips bucking up off the sheets as he imagined his lover's dark head between his thighs, sucking him hard.

"Not yet, baby," Adam groaned. "I.... I wouldn't settle for just that. I'd spread your thighs wide and lick all over your tight little hole, then fuck you open so slow with my tongue.... I bet you'd taste so good, Kris...."

"Nngh.... I would.... I'd finger myself open for you, baby," Kris replied, his voice hitching and cracking as his hand worked frantically over his leaking cock. "I just wanna.... oohh.... I just wanna push you back and ride your big cock all night l-long...."

"Oh my _god_, Kris, nnnngh!" Adam groaned, his noises of pleasure fast reaching a crescendo, and Kris' stomach cramped with the sudden, mind-blowing force of his orgasm, his cock jerking in his hand and spurting thick streams of come all over his belly and chest.

Kris cried out in the heat of climax, his every nerve ending alight. His hips gyrated up against his hand, his fingers milking his cock until he was limp and overly-sensitive, come still leaking slowly from his slit.

Adam finished on the other end of the phone with one last, shuddering moan, and Kris settled bonelessly back into the sheets, his eyes glazed with awe.

~

Adam moaned once more, before letting his hand relax from around his softened dick. It lay heavy and sated against his thigh, and he basked in the satisfaction of his afterglow, fingers idly trailing through the milky liquid striping his stomach.

"Krisss," he purred into the phone laying next to him, smiling slyly. "What the heck has gotten into you lately, lover?"

An amused chuckle vibrated up from the speaker, followed by Kris' sleepy-warm voice, his accent thicker than normal in his post-orgasm daze.

"I dunno," Kris said, and Adam had no problem visualizing the half-smile that he was sure was curving his lover's lips. "Missin' you already, I guess."

"Well, I _like_ it," Adam giggled, wiping himself off haphazardly with a pillowcase, before flipping onto his stomach. "We definitely need to do that more often."

Kris replied with a pleased agreement, and Adam paused, crossing his arms under his chin. "So.... You've really been thinking about...?"

"Yeah," Kris confirmed, his voice coming back from the brink of sleep. "But, if you, you know, aren't ready...."

"It's okay to think about it, baby, either way," Adam assured him, limbs heavy with content. "It's fuckin' sexy to think about, actually. But.... I _do_ want it. Want you. Soon."

Kris made a happy little noise in reply, his voice heavy with sleep. "I can't wait, Adam. Love you."

"I love you too, baby doll," Adam replied, his lips curved up into a tender smile. "Get some sleep."

"'Kay," Kris agreed, sounding like he was already 80% there, and Adam let his eyes slide shut, slipping away to Kris' slow, even breaths.

~

"Kris, you know I love you like a brother," Alli said, standing over him and putting a hand on her hip, "but you've been here every day since your man left."

"I'm lonely," Kris grumbled, picking at his cheesecake, and Alli sighed, rolling her eyes.

"_And _you've been gorging yourself on my cheesecake," she continued, raising an eyebrow. "Which has somehow become associated with your personal woes."

"Shut up," he said without heat, happily sucking on his fork. "It's good cheesecake."

"What?" Alli asked, sitting down next to him and swinging an arm companionably over his shoulder, "Are your late-night phone romps with your lover boy that unsatisfying?"

Kris whipped his head around to look at her, eyes wide and shocked, and he caught the joke only after a strangled "_How...?_" had burst from his lips.

Her eyes widened to match his for a second before she burst into howling laughter, and Kris hid his face in his hands with a petrified moan, face flaming.

"I was kidding, Kris! TMI!" she choked through her uncontrollable laughter, and Kris vaguely mumbled through his fingers, wishing there was a rock nearby for him to crawl under.

"Why do conversations with you always have turn in that direction?" Kris mumbled, pressing his face into the nearest throw pillow, and Alli giggled evilly.

"Because you fall into it far too easily," she stated matter-of-factly, comfortingly patting his shoulder. "Don't worry, Krissy. I won't tell Adam that you were bragging about your escapades."

"Okay, no, no," Kris said, running for the door, because yeah, he was a coward.

Allison's giggles followed him out.

~

"Hey, baby!" Adam grinned, and Kris replied with a soft hello, his voice filtering warm through the phone line.

"How was your day?" Adam asked, and Kris was silent for a moment.

"Well, I, um, kind of maybe accidentally clued Alli in to the fact that we've been having phone sex," Kris said, voice a little traumatized, forcing Adam to quickly bite back a giggle. "So, er, be ready for that possibly awkward situation."

"Why do I have the feeling you walked right into that one, baby?" Adam chuckled, and he could almost _hear_ Kris blushing.

"Not my fault," he insisted, and Adam laughed again, raising an eyebrow.

"Anyway," Kris cut in, hurriedly, "What'd you do today? What have you been working on?"

"Oh, commands and things," Adam said, brushing a few soft dog hairs off his jeans. "We practiced walking with them around some side streets today."

"And you still won't even give me a _clue_ about what our puppy is like?" Kris said, and Adam smiled, imagining his face.

"Don't pout, baby," Adam teasingly reprimanded, laying back onto the with his long legs draped over the armrest.

"I'm not," Kris protested, and Adam smiled. His boy was really_ far_ too adorable to be real.

"Whatever you say, gorgeous," Adam replied, indulgently, before pausing for a moment.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, "I keep forgetting to tell you--I've been hanging out with another client here from L.A. Tommy. He plays the bass; we've been talking about maybe getting together sometime back home, so we could write and play some stuff."

"That sounds great," Kris replied, his voice that sweet, bright tone that just _begged_ for kisses. "You're mind-blowing just singing covers.... I can't even imagine how amazing it would be to watch you perform something of your own."

"I'm excited too," Adam smiled, then paused, biting his lip and absent-mindedly fiddling with the hem of his jacket. "Hey, baby? Have you...? Have you thought at all about what we talked about before I left?"

"Yeah," Kris answered, after a few seconds, "I've thought about it."

The line was silent for a while, as Kris presumably measured his words. "I.... I don't know, yet. It's a huge step, you know? And with everything going on...."

"No pressure, sweet love," Adam replied, masking his disappointment, but Kris wasn't finished yet.

"It's not that I don't want to," Kris assured him, quickly, "It's just that.... Truthfully, I've had some bad experiences. My ex, Sean.... I moved in with him after only a couple of months, and it was a complete train wreck. I was really emotionally invested in the situation, and it hurt a lot when it all fell down around us. And...how I felt about him at that point is nothing compared to how I feel about you now."

"Oh, baby," Adam cooed, after a minute, wishing for nothing more than to be able to hold his man. "It's all right. I understand."

He paused, then, trying to put words to the emotions swirling in his chest. "I do understand. And I don't want to rush..._anything_ in this relationship. I wouldn't ever put what we've made together in jeopardy. It's just.... I haven't felt this way about anyone in so, so long. I.... I used to be so afraid of commitment, of getting too close to _anyone_, in fact. But now.... I want to share a space with you. I want to go to bed with you and wake up beside you every day. But it's.... it's not something I want either of us to feel rushed into."

The line was silent for a long few seconds, before a small sniffle from the other end of the line reached Adam's ears.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" he asked, concerned, and Kris replied with a little chuckle, voice soft and wavering a little.

"I'm sorry. That was just.... That was really sweet, Adam. I'll think about it, okay? I love you. I.... I really miss you."

"I miss you too," Adam smiled, thumb slowing stroking over the infinity tattoo inscribed onto his wrist. "But I'll be home really soon, baby. I love you. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Kris agreed, his voice glowing with warmth. "Talk to you later, gorgeous."

Adam hung up with a soft goodbye, and moved towards the bed with a half-smile lingering on his lips, ready to dream of his lover.  



	24. Chapter 24

“All right, Adam,” Shelly said, from somewhere beside him, “You know where you're going; I'm just here to observe. Start whenever you're ready, and I'll trail along.”

  
 

“Okay,” Adam agreed, adjusting his grip on the harness to his left and keeping his mental map sharp in his mind. This was their final city lesson; a walk of almost a mile, and he was on his own. Well, he and his dog.

  
 

They set off a few moments later, his dog keeping good pace at his side. It had been strange at first; the feeling of something live moving along with him instead of his cane, but now, it was becoming more and more natural.

  
 

The noisy traffic of the first intersection was fast approaching, and Adam took a moment to coo a word of praise when the dog by his side stopped at the edge of the pavement, waiting obediently for his command.

  
 

The shrill, bird-like wail from the traffic light sounded a few moments later, and Adam swept his hand forward in the command for “forward”, leading them smoothly across the street. 

  
 

A few turns later, his dog lowered her head to smell something, and Adam caught himself, pausing for only a moment.

  
 

“Leave,” he firmly reprimanded her, unable to keep himself from giggling a little when she dramatically snapped back to attention, falling back into step. 

  
 

The rest of their journey went smoothly, and soon Adam was stopping confidently in front of the shop that was his destination, listening for Shelly.

  
 

“Okay then, Adam,” she said after a moment, a smile evident in her tone, “You made it! You did wonderfully. We'll evaluate how things went a little deeper back at campus, all right?”

  
 

“Sure,” Adam grinned, rubbing his dog between the ears and receiving a lick in response. “Let's head out.”

  
 

~

  
 

“You did so good today, girl!” Adam said a few hours later, plopping down onto the floor next to his dog. They were done for the day, other than one last bathroom break, and he'd let her off the lead to relax for a while.

 

She promptly flopped over his lap in reply, head resting comfortably on his thigh, and Adam giggled, petting her thick, soft fur.

  
 

“Your other daddy's not gonna like how possessive you are, girl,” he teased, and the dog in his lap perked up immediately, raising her head.

  
 

“Oh, are you really that excited? Only a few more days until Kris comes to see us at graduation! Are you excited, girl? Are you?” he asked, slipping into the ridiculous baby talk he couldn't help but use, and his dog squirmed excitedly in response, her tail slapping loudly against his side as she jumped up to lick his face.

  
 

“Ugh!” Adam laughed, wrestling with her for a moment before standing again. 

  
 

“All right,” he chuckled, brushing the hair off his pants, “Let's get you ready for bed.”

  
 

~

  
 

“Baby,” Kris greeted, voice filtering warm and happy through the phone line, and Adam sighed, sinking back into the mattress.

  
 

“Hey there,” Adam replied, smiling lightly. “How're things at home?”

  
 

“Same old,” Kris murmured, sleepy-soft. “Still missing you.”

  
 

“Only two more days, gorgeous,” Adam reminded him, grinning when Kris made a happy little noise. “Today was our last city course.”

  
 

“How'd you do?” 

  
 

“Shelly said I did really well,” Adam replied, then paused, biting at his lip. “Hey, baby? There's something I wanted to talk to you about.”

  
 

“Yeah?” Kris asked, concern subtly coloring his voice, and Adam continued on.

  
 

“Tommy, you know? The guy I told you about? He.... I found out that first day that he knew Brad. They worked together for a while, apparently.”

  
 

“_Oh,” _Kris said, slowly, “Why didn't you tell me, Adam? Did you....Did you have...?”

  
 

“Oh, no!” Adam quickly assured him, and Kris' audible sigh of relief filtered down through the phone line.

  
 

“Then why didn't you _tell _me?” Kris asked, again. “You promised you'd tell me these things--”

  
 

“I know, I know,” Adam cut in, sighing and rubbing at his eyes. “But, this time, I.... I actually felt all right. Tommy's a really cool guy, and I.... I wanted to see if I was going to be okay with it by myself, just for a while.”

  
 

“And have you been?” Kris asked, and Adam paused, thinking.

  
 

“Yeah,” he answered, finally. “We've been hanging out, and I've been okay. I think... I think he understands. I mean, he knew Brad...but I can't really directly associate him with the accident, you know? So it's.... it's really been good.”

  
 

“That's great, Adam,” Kris replied warmly, and the pride in his voice made Adam internally sigh in relief. He'd been nervous that his lover would be angry at him for withholding that particular information, truthfully.

  
 

The line was silent for a few moments, before Kris took a breath and continued. “Look, I don't mind if you work on things alone. But, if it gets to be too much, or you end up stressed, or  _whatever--_ I just wanna be someone you can come to.”

  
 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Adam replied, “I know I can come to you. You're my first and strongest confidant; you know that.”

  
 

“I know,” Kris mumbled, voice going soft and sweet. “I miss you.”

  
 

“I miss you too,” Adam said, suddenly aching to hold the man on the other end of the line. “But I'm gonna see you really soon, okay? You have no idea how excited our dog is to meet you.”

  
 

“I'm excited, too,” Kris said, and Adam could imagine the soft tilt of his lips. “I'm gonna get some sleep, 'kay? I love you.”

  
 

“Love you too, babe,” Adam smiled, offering a goodbye before hanging up. He yawned and stretched, curling around the pillow next to him and burying his face into it, wishing it was soft, mussed hair instead. 

  
 

Only two more days. 

  
 

~

  
 

"Excuse me, ma'am? Could you tell me where to find Adam Lambert's room?" Kris asked, stopping an instructor by the main building's entrance. The long two weeks had finally passed, the graduation ceremony was scheduled for the next morning, and Kris was very nearly bouncing with excitement.

"Sure!" she replied, smiling brightly. "His is in the building right over there. Just take a left off the--"

She broke off suddenly, smiling at something over his shoulder, and Kris had only a moment to be confused before long, familiar arms wrapped around his waist.

"Hey there, stranger," a low, happy voice greeted, and Kris choked back his ridiculous noise of delight, turning in his lover's arms and burying himself into his embrace.

"Mmpf!" Adam said, laughing as the force of Kris' hug made him sway back a few steps. "Nice to see you too, baby!"

"Adam," Kris said, grinning goofily up at the smiling face above him. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," Adam sighed, nuzzling his face into Kris' hair and inhaling the familiar scent of him. "How are you?"

"A lot better now," Kris replied, a little shyly, and Adam's pearly-white smile widened, pleased with his answer.

Kris stretched up onto his toes to reach the taller man's mouth, wrapping his arms around his neck and pressing up against him. Adam sighed in contentment, cupping Kris' jaw in one hand and rubbing down his back with the other as their lips slid together.

The intimate, slow caress of their mouths was familiar as ever, despite their time apart, and love swelled warm in Kris' chest as they parted with a series of sweet pecks.

Kris rubbed his fingers over Adam's soft, freckled cheek--he'd gone light on the makeup today--and Adam sighed happily in reply, nuzzling against his knuckles.

"So, what were you doing before you stumbled upon me?" Kris asked, and Adam smiled, kissing across the back of his hand before answering.

"Just got back from our last day of class, actually," he said, and Kris rocked up onto the balls of his feet, eyes widening.

"Do I get to meet our dog now?" Kris asked, and Adam shook his head, lips twitching in poorly concealed amusement when the smaller man immediately huffed.

"Tomorrow at graduation, doll," Adam promised, placating him with a sweet kiss. "I'm excited!"

Kris grinned, hugging him tight and giggling when Adam spun him around in a circle, pressing loud kisses to his jaw.

"Was that you I heard squealing like a girl over here, Lambert?" an unfamiliar voice asked from behind them, and Kris looked over Adam's shoulder to see a man smiling amusedly at them.

"My boy's here, Tommy!" Adam said flippantly, laughing and turning towards the newcomer's voice. "I'm allowed to squeal however I please."

"Ah, that would explain it," the man--Tommy--said, lips quirking. "What's going on, Kris? I've CERTAINLY heard a lot about you."

Kris laughed a little, looking more closely at the man. They were close to the same height, but Tommy was obviously slimmer, with dyed blond hair that fell to cover one of his kohl-lined eyes. His lips were full, balancing his delicate features and thin face.

"Nice to meet you," Kris smiled, shaking the slender hand that was offered. "Tommy, right? Adam's told me about you."

"Oh, yes," Tommy grinned, "I'm the one that's been keeping your man from pining away while he was gone from you."

"I was not_ pining away_," Adam protested, wrapping an arm around Kris' waist. "I was just pouting."

"Whatever, Adam," Tommy replied, rolling his eyes with a grin. "I'll let you get back to your reunion; my girl's gonna be here soon anyway. Talk to ya later, Kris!"

"See you around," Kris replied, a little perplexedly, turning back to Adam once he was out of earshot. "His girl...?"

"You thought he was gay?" Adam giggled, and Kris blushed, mumbling a denial.

"I dunno, baby," Adam teased, his eyes mischievous, "He says he likes chicks. Why, you wanna try it? 'Cause I'd better warn him if you're gonna try the whole converting thing--"

"No!" Kris stuttered, and Adam laughed delightedly, nuzzling against his temple.

"You're far too adorable," he chuckled into his neck, caressing his lower back, and Kris shivered, remembering, suddenly, just how long it had been since Adam had touched him.

"Well, I already have one sexy gay man," Kris murmured, hands laying on his chest, and Adam purred in pleasure, pressing his lips against his throat.

"Why don't you show me your room?" Kris suggested, breathing the words into the taller man's ear, and Adam's fingers clenched against his back.

"I thought you'd never ask," Adam said, and Kris giggled as Adam retrieved his cane and laced their fingers together, leading him quickly along.

Adam pulled him through the doorway to his room a few minutes later, shutting it behind them while Kris paused to look around at the cozy space.

"Wow, Adam, this is ni--" Kris started, his breath leaving him in a sudden rush as Adam pressed him back against the door and crowded up against him.

"Missed you so bad," Adam murmured into his neck, sucking marks into the soft flesh of his throat and grasping at his hips.

"Adam," Kris whimpered, tangling a hand into his lover's dark hair and dragging their mouths together, and Adam growled low in his throat, slipping his tongue between Kris' lips.

Adam's hands were restless on Kris' body as they kissed, rubbing and caressing, and he wrapped his fingers under Kris' knee, hitching it up around his hip.

Kris moaned as the change in angle allowed their hardening bulges to meet, jeans chafing as their cocks rubbed together. Adam groaned in pleasure and sensually rolled his hips, sweeping his hands up under Kris' shirt to pinch and play with his nipples.

Adam bit at Kris' swollen bottom lip, tugging on it, and the smaller man gasped, the stiff rod of flesh between his thighs throbbing.

"Wanna fuck you," Adam growled, cupping his erection in a big hand. "Gonna open you up so slow...."

"But, Adam," Kris gasped, "Y-Your parents and Alli and Bobby are gonna be here in an hour."

"What? Goddammit," Adam moaned, "I fucking forgot!"

He paused for a moment, then, before taking Kris' hand and tugging him over to the bed.

"I'll take care of you, baby," Adam murmured, his voice low and commanding as he sat up and spread his thighs on the bed. "But first...suck my cock."

The bulge in his jeans was a sight to behold, and Kris' shaking fingers descended to his belt buckle, whipping it out of the loops and throwing it aside. He fumbled with the button, then the zipper, tugging it open before dragging the tight jeans down just a little.

Kris whimpered, staring down at the massive erection that sprung up to greet him, framed by the open fly of his jeans. It was huge and delicious-looking, precome already beading at the slit, and Kris couldn't wait to wrap his lips around it, to take it into his mouth.

The smaller man dragged the denim down to mid-thigh, Adam's hand playing idly with his hair as Kris took a minute to simply stare at him. The black-tipped fingers tightened, however, as Kris took the silky flesh in hand and flattened his tongue out, licking the flushed stalk from root to tip.

Adam moaned, eyes heavy-lidded and nearly black as Kris kissed his way down the length of his dick, flicking his tongue against the slit to gather the precome there.

"Dammit, Kris, stop teasing me," Adam groaned as Kris began to lap at the taut curve of his balls, and the smaller man sighed in reply, nuzzling his face against the hot length.

Adam grabbed his hair again, then, tugging at the soft brown locks, and Kris moaned as Adam guided his mouth down onto his cock, feeding him inch after inch of throbbing, salty flesh.

Adam tilted Kris' head forward, opening up his throat to take the last few inches, and then Adam was buried completely inside the wet heat of him, Kris nuzzling his nose into the red-blond hair at the base and contracting his throat around the thick length.

"_God_," Adam growled, throwing his head back with a moan, his fingers loosening only slightly in Kris' thick hair. "That's right; suck my cock, baby. So hungry for it."

Kris groaned around the wide rod of flesh in his mouth before hallowing his cheeks and pulling back to suck on the flared head. Adam propped himself up on his elbows, one hand still tangled in Kris' hair, and it turned him on _so_ intensely, knowing that Adam was in control of the situation--was in control of _him._

"Mmm, Kris," Adam purred, stroking his hair as the smaller man's head bobbed in his lap, "If you moan this pretty with my cock in your mouth, I can't wait to hear what sounds you'll make when it's buried inside you...."

Kris groaned in reply, his own dick straining against his jeans as he rubbed Adam's flushed, dripping length against his lips.

The taller man's strong, solid thighs trembled where they fell around Kris' shoulders, and he slipped his lips over the head again, picking up a fast, sloppy rhythm.

Adam's cries became gradually higher-pitched as Kris worshiped his gorgeous, erect cock, the smaller man returning again and again to lap at the dripping head.

"Baby," Adam moaned, tightening his fingers into the soft hairs at the nape of his neck, "Gonna come, oh; _take_ it."

Kris moaned brokenly, clutching at Adam's hips and contracting his throat as the taller man bucked and cried out, his cock jerking and spurting its hot, salty come into his mouth.

Adam sighed once Kris had swallowed, his hips gyrating with the last waves of orgasm as he dragged him up and kissed him, fumbling with his belt and licking the come out of his mouth.

Kris moaned desperately as Adam slipped a hand into his pants, pushing into the warm fist that wrapped around him, and few firm strokes later, he was crying out in climax, shivering and spilling his seed over Adam's fingers.

Adam slowly raised his hand to his mouth to lick the milky-white come off his fingers, lips wrapping delicately around the digits, and Kris moaned, his cock jerking once more as he collapsed down onto Adam.

They both lay in silence together for a few minutes, Kris' head laying comfortably against Adam's chest.

"I...really like that," Kris finally managed, and Adam snorted, giggling into his ear. "I _mean,_ I like you being all...pushy."

"Pushy?" Adam repeated, mock-offended, and Kris huffed into his neck.

"You know what I mean," he murmured, and Adam laughed again, wrapping him into his arms.

"It's the inner cock-slut coming out," Adam said, matter-of-factly, giggling at the flick Kris aimed at his nose. "But really, that was fantastic. Thank you, baby."

"Oh, believe me," Kris breathlessly laughed, nuzzling his swollen lips against his lover's neck, "The pleasure was ALL mine."

Adam sighed again in content, rubbing a finger against Kris' slick mouth, and the smaller man slipped his lips over the pad of his lover's thumb, pressing a kiss to the center of his palm.

"Love you," Adam said, freckled lips curving into a smile, and Kris curled a hand around his jaw, kissing him slow and sweet.

"I love you too," Kris murmured, stroking his fingers through his lover's dark hair, and Adam shifted them sideways, curving his body around the smaller man and kissing him softly.

A muffled beep came from somewhere nearby a moment later, however, and Kris sighed, pulling away long enough to grab his phone from where it had fallen beside the bed.

_We're here, dork. Where r u??_

"It is a good thing I didn't fuck you," Adam mused, when Kris relayed the message from Allison, "or else this would be an even more obvious walk of shame."

Kris ignored that particular comment, and tapped in a reply.  


_Adam's room. 28._

And goddammit, even though he was completely expecting it, her reply still made him blush. He felt like being a little mischievous, at any rate. She definitely deserved it.

_Oooohhh. Should we drive around the block a few times?_

_No. We're done._

_Adam's rubbing off on you, bro._

_In more ways than one, hun. &lt;3_

 


	25. Chapter 25

"Hey, guys!" Adam said, greeting the group that arrived at their door a few minutes later. His smile was turned on at full-force as he enveloped them each in a hug, his joy absolutely infectious. 

The room was spacious, but it soon became crowded with all the arriving guests--Leila, Eber, Allison, and Bobby.

Kris watched the happy greetings with warm eyes, and soon enough Alli wandered over, giving him a hug.

"What's gotten into you, Kris?" she smirked, low enough so only he could hear, and Kris grinned a little.

"Nothing, yet," he said, then giggled at his own double-entendre.

"And you call _me_ a pervert," she said, mock-disgustedly, poking him playfully in the gut before returning to Adam again. He was in the midst of telling the others about his classes, enthusiastic hand gestures included.

"Anyway.... Where are you all staying?" Adam asked a few minutes later, and Leila was the one who answered, beaming up at her son.

"We got a couple of rooms at one of the hotels in town," she said, smiling a little. "And a couple of bottles of vodka to celebrate with tomorrow after graduation."

"Sounds like a party to me," Adam laughed, wrapping an arm around Kris' waist and pausing to think for a moment. "Why don't we go out for dinner, since I'm done for the evening? There's this _really_ awesome sushi place I found downtown."

There was a general noise of agreement, and Kris twined his fingers with Adam's as they filed out the door, every cell in his body reawakened by the presence of his lover.

~

Kris' eyebrows scrunched together, and he made an uncertain noise, looking down at the little green roll things on his plate.

"I'm supposed to eat this?" Kris asked, looking helplessly up at Adam, and his lover's lips twitched upwards in amusement.

"That _is_ the idea, baby," Adam teased, bopping him on the nose with a fingertip, and Kris resisted the urge to childishly stick his tongue out at him.

"But I like meat," Kris protested, and Adam giggled, taking a bite of his own.

"Fish _is_ meat, Kris," Allison pointed out from across the table, smirking at him.

"I know that," Kris huffed, crossing his arms. "But it's raw, and...weird."

  
 

“I don't think this kind even _has _raw fish—” Allison started, but Adam cut her off.

"Just try it, baby," Adam said, leaning down to give him an affectionate kiss, and Kris melted beneath his soft lips. "For me."

"Fine," he mumbled, and Adam laughed, squeezing him around the waist. "But that's not fair."

"Stop staring at me, jeez," Kris said, after a pause, looking around at all the eyes trained on him, and everyone chuckled, returning to their food.

Kris took a careful bite once he was satisfied that he was no longer the center of attention, and he chewed thoughtfully, considering the taste.

"How is it, babe?" Adam asked, turning towards him.

"S'all right," Kris nonchalantly mumbled around his mouthful, and Adam laughed, squeezing his thigh under the table.

"Oh!" Leila suddenly piped up, "We all have presents for you guys and your dog tomorrow, too. You're invited to dinner at our house, by the way--a little impromptu return party, I guess."

"Aw, thank you mom," Adam said, beaming over at her, "You didn't have to do that. I'm sure our girl will love it."

"_Girl!_" Kris exclaimed, triumphantly, and Adam raised a questioning eyebrow, before realizing what he'd said.

"Ah," he sighed. "I wanted to keep that a secret. Dammit."

"It's about time you let something slip," Kris grinned, and Adam smiled back, kohl-lined eyes crinkling.

"I know you were hoping for a boy," Adam continued, "But I guarantee you'll adore her. She's _so_ excited to meet her other daddy; I swear."

"I'm sure I'll love her," Kris agreed, then leaned against his shoulder, turning on the persuasion. "Any chance you could let a few more clues slip?"

"Resist the urge, Adam," Bobby encouraged him, her lips twitching upwards. "Don't ruin the surprise for us!"

"Sorry, babe," Adam laughed as their bill came. “Looks like you'll have to wait just a little bit longer.”

A few minutes later, they were filtering out into the parking lot and saying their goodbyes, gathered around their cars.

"Can I come with you?" Kris asked, twining his fingers with Adam's and looking up at him. "I thought I'd stay the night. I mean, if that's not against campus rules or whatever."

"Of course," Adam said, squeezing his hand with a smile. "And even if it is, you're small enough to stuff under the bed if someone comes looking."

"I'm not that short," Kris protested, and Adam looked down at him, pointedly accentuating the six-inch height difference.

"Shut up," Kris grumbled, and Adam giggled, pressing a kiss to Kris' temple and getting in the car.

~

Twenty minutes later, Kris was watching as Adam carefully removed his makeup. The dark-haired man carefully dipped a cotton ball in makeup remover, and then the foundation was disappearing in long streaks, revealing the pale, freckled skin beneath. He looked younger like this, softer, somehow, his hair falling loose over his eyes.

"I like you like this. Without makeup, I mean," Kris commented, and Adam turned towards him, raising an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't need to wear so much of it if I didn't have such awful skin," Adam sighed, rubbing a hand over his cheek. "Teenage acne is a bitch."

"You don't need it," Kris insisted, running his fingertips gently along his jaw. "You're beautiful just like this."

Adam smiled, soft and pleased, and wrapped an arm around Kris' waist, pulling him close.

"Thank you," Adam murmured, leaning down to him, and Kris closed his eyes and sighed softly into his mouth, giving in to the sensations of being kissed.

"Let's go to bed, baby," Adam suggested, lips coming back for more, and Kris shivered, nestling in against Adam's warm, bare chest.

"Okay," he agreed, pressing himself to Adam's side as he led him to the large, soft bed.

Adam arranged Kris against the pillows, then carefully draped himself over him, resting most of his weight on his elbows. Kris spread his legs under the blankets, open pelvis cradling Adam's body as he slid a hand behind his neck and tugged him down.

Adam slowly tongued his lips as Kris ran a hand through his dark, mussed hair, and Kris closed his mouth over Adam's soft, full bottom lip, gently sucking on it.

Adam pulled away with a sweet, slow peck, laying his head down against the other man's chest as their heartbeats slowed. When he raised it again, his face was sleepy-soft, and he nosed into the crook of Kris' neck, sighing contentedly.

"I'm tired, sweetheart," Adam mumbled, kissing the underside of his jaw. "I'm gonna have to wait until we're home to...."

"It's okay, babe," Kris smiled, fingernails scratching lightly along his scalp. "I want it to be in _our_ bed, anyway."

Adam, half-asleep, didn't catch the emphasis. Ah, well. He would find out later.

"Don't fall asleep _on _me," Kris giggled, pressing at his shoulder, and Adam obediently rolled off, nestling in behind him.

Kris turned off the lamp, and Adam slipped a warm arm over his waist, nuzzling his face to the back of Kris' neck.

"Love you," Kris murmured, fingers twining with Adam's beside him, and Adam returned the sentiment with a kiss to the dip of his shoulder, slipping away a minute later.

~

Kris shifted in his seat, fumbling anxiously with the program in his hands.

He was keyed up, to say the least--Adam had forbid him from looking in the program, where the students' and their dogs' names were listed. He was completely determined to keep him in the dark until the _very last second,_ apparently.

The various speeches and formalities had finally passed, and people were beginning to be called up for recognition, one by one. Allison and the others were chattering happily away beside him, and here he was, about to explode out of his skin. He couldn't believe it—he was hardly _ever_ like this.

The last names cycled through the alphabet slowly, _so_ slowly, and then, at last, the announcer was leaning into the microphone again, and a familiar figure was emerging onto the stage.

And all Kris could see was a flash of golden hair by his boyfriend's knees, and then--"Adam Lambert, with his Labrador Retriever, Lily!"

As soon as the sounds formed meaning in Kris' head, he brought a hand to his mouth, gasping.

"Oh my god!" he blurted out, eyes wide, and Adam's mom squeezed his shoulder, face glowing with pride.

Allison laughed beside him, and Kris pulled it together long enough to applaud, his face split into a huge grin. His eyes were wet as he watched his man shake hands with the various instructors, and his gaze slid down to their gorgeous, sleek lab waiting beside him.

"Breathe, Kris, breathe," Allison giggled, hugging him tight, and Kris laughed breathlessly against her shoulder, just holding on.

_Lily._

~

Adam squealed when Kris called his name at the outdoor reception following the ceremony, and the dark-haired man opened his arms, allowing Kris to crash into them.

"Congratulations," Kris smiled against his jaw, noticing the cane Adam held. "Where's our Lily?"

"I let her off harness," Adam replied, hugging each of the others and grinning widely at their congratulations. "Tommy's playing with her."

"Over here," Adam said, taking his boyfriend's hand and leading them all to a large recreation area. The warm sun was playing across the grass, and dogs were lounging and playing all around.

Tommy was sitting under a tree off to the side, tugging on one end of a pull rope and laughing. His own dog sat contentedly beside him, lazing about in the sunshine, while the one on the other end of the rope yanked enthusiastically at her prize. She was blond and gangly, all legs and raw puppy excitement.

"Watch this," Adam murmured to Kris, before calling out to the dog. "Lily girl! Guess who's here?"

Lily whipped her head around at the sound of Adam's voice, looking at them for a moment before setting off at a full-out run. Kris wasn't quite prepared for a clumsy young dog running circles around his feet, tail whacking against his legs, and he laughed, offering his hand to be licked and rubbed against.

"Hey, girl!" he laughed, plopping down onto the grass, and then she was in his lap, bouncing up to lick his face.

"Ah!" Kris said, pushing her down, and Adam giggled, kneeling beside his boyfriend as the rest of the group crowded around to pet and coo over her.

"I wasn't lying about her being excited!" Adam said, his smile widening at Lily's delighted little whines.

"Apparently not!" Kris replied, beaming up at him and holding the squirming young dog around the middle.

Tommy came up with the pull rope then, his own dog in tow.

"This is Gina," Tommy introduced, before chucking the rope, and Kris smiled amusedly as both of the dogs ran off to get it.

"Gina's a lot calmer than ours is," Adam laughed. “Tommy is a pretty chill guy, so they gave him a dog to match."

"Yours is just a spaz," Tommy replied, laughing as Lily ran headfirst into Gina, and Adam laughed, nodding.

"She is," he agreed, smiling fondly. "But she's absolutely _amazing _on lead."

"I'm sure she is, baby," Kris agreed, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, and Lily ran in between them at the show of affection, wiggling in excitement.

They both cracked up as she stumbled, and Adam hugged Kris around the waist, Lily scrambling over their legs.

"Welcome to our new family, babe," Adam murmured, into his ear, and Kris beamed, lips sliding into place against his boyfriend's.


	26. Chapter 26

"Where's Kris?" Adam asked, sipping the vodka and cranberry he held between his long fingers. "He said he was only working 'till six...."

"I'm sure he'll be here soon, sweetie," Leila assured him, and Adam dug his phone out of his pocket, hitting Kris' speed-dial number.

"Hey, Adam," Kris answered, his voice a little breathless with exertion. "I'm sorry I'm late, I--I got held over longer than I thought, but I should be there in just a few minutes..."

"Why are you outta breath, baby?" Adam teased, lips curving into a smile. "Running laps around the hospital?"

"No," Kris replied, "I was, um, hauling this heavy thing into a patient's room.”

There was a fair amount of shuffling in the background, and then to Adam's surprise, Matt's voice echoed out.

"Kris, what do you want me to do with this--"

"Nothing!" Kris hissed, sounding muffled, and Adam's eyebrows raised.

"Why is Matt there?" Adam asked.

"He broke his toe," Kris blurted out, and Adam cocked his head, forehead wrinkling.

"So he went to the hospital?"

"Yes, but he's fine, okay I have to go...love you...be there soon!" Kris exclaimed, the line clicking as he hung up.

Adam snapped his phone shut with a bemused smile, sliding his hand along the fabric of his parents' couch and wishing it was the worn-soft cotton of Kris' shirt. He was adorable when he was trying to keep a secret...but damn if Adam knew what it was.

"What was that about?" Allison asked, her voice deceptively innocent.

"You know what's going on, don't you?" Adam accused, laughing as she imitated the ziiiiiip of closing lips.

"Well, we'll wait to open Lily's presents 'till he gets here," Leila said, and Lily wiggled against Adam's feet in reply, tail thumping enthusiastically against the carpet.

The doorbell rang fifteen minutes later, and Kris hurried inside, apologizing again.

"Sorry," Kris fretted, "I know I've been holding stuff up, but things took longer than I thought there, so--"

He was cut off as Lily jumped up from the ground to greet him, making excited little noises she circled his legs.

"Yes, girl, yes," he giggled, and Adam smiled, calling the dog back over.

Kris followed behind, plopping down onto the couch and sliding into the arms Adam opened in welcome.

"Hi," Kris greeted him, accepting his hello kiss a little shyly, his mouth soft and tasting slightly of mint.

"Aw, happy couple," Allison exaggerated, and Adam just grinned, curling his hand against the small of Kris' back.

"Cranberries," Kris commented, tasting it on his lips, and Adam raised the glass in his other hand as explanation.

"Oh, yes, by the way--would you like a drink?" Leila asked, and Kris nodded against Adam's shoulder, leaning into his touch.

"Just a beer, please," Kris requested, and Leila agreed, footsteps tapping off into the kitchen.

"Thanks," Kris said once she returned, snuggling into Adam's side and taking a sip, and Alli clapped her hands together once.

"Present time!"

Adam grinned, accepting the various wrapped packages that were put into his and Kris' hands.

Once they were finished, they had a new collar and leash for when Lily was off harness, a set of dog bowls, and various toys and treats.

Adam cooed as Kris clipped the gem-studded collar around Lily's neck, rubbing her between the ears.

"Thank you so much, guys!" Adam said, gathering the gifts up into a bag Leila brought them.

Allison came up and hugged him, before saying "I'd better get going. I've got a shift at the hospital soon."

"We should probably head out too," Adam agreed, turning to his mom and squeezing her. "Thank you for the party and the gifts, Mom! I'm so glad you like Lily."

"You're welcome, hun," Leila replied. "She's an absolute doll."

Adam and Kris made their way out after Allison and Bobby, arms laden with gifts. Adam dropped the stuff into the back seat of Kris' car, coaxing Lily in before a soft hand fell on his arm.

"I'm really proud of you, Adam," Bobby said, giving him a light hug. "Make sure you keep me informed about how things go with Lily at home. I'll let you know the next time Ethan wants to get together for a session."

"All right." Adam beamed. "Thank you. I'll see you later, okay?"

Adam slid in the passenger side after Bobby left, reaching over to find the firm curve of Kris' thigh. Kris made a happy little noise and twined their fingers together, thumb brushing across the back of Adam's hand.

"It's so good to have you home," Kris murmured, and Adam smiled at the wet doggy nose that nudged his elbow, asking for attention.

"It's so good to be here," Adam replied, kissing the side of Kris' face as he pulled out of the driveway.

~

"Welcome home girl!" Adam said as Lily bounded through the door, laughing at the loud sniffing noises she made as she acclimated herself. Kris closed the door behind them, handing Adam his cane.

"Are you gonna be able to spend the night, baby?" Adam asked, brushing hair back from his face, and Kris replied a little oddly.

"Um, well, that's kind of...up to you."

"Wha--?" Adam started, cut off by the rustlings of Lily poking into something that sounded like cardboard. "Lily! What the hell are you getting into--"

He started forward, only to feel his cane whack against something on the floor that was definitely not there before. He reached down curiously, running his hand along the top of the cardboard box sitting there. His eyes widened as he found another next to that, and another on top of that--

"Kris, what--?" Adam tried again, raising his eyebrows, but Kris cut him off with a nervous stutter.

"I, um," Kris started, "I know I never answered when you asked me before, and, um, I hope you're not upset, but my lease ran out, and I thought I'd move in maybe? Matt agreed to keep my piano and some of the bigger stuff 'till we'd figured it out, so if you, you know--"

"You're moving in?" Adam asked, eyes wide and vulnerable with surprise, and he could imagine the blush on Kris' face as he stuttered again.

"Well, um, yeah. If you want me to."

"If I want you to?" Adam repeated, a smile curving his lips as he laughed. "I'm the one who asked you in the first place! That's great! Why didn't you say anything?"

Kris walked into his arms, mumbling a little bashfully into his neck. "I wanted it to be your welcome-home surprise, but I didn't want to, you know, be too...forward?"

"It's terrific, Kris," Adam mumbled, burying his face into the soft hair at his temple. "Now home will always smell like you."

Kris clutched into the back of his shirt in reply, sighing as Adam took his lips. Adam parted them slowly with his tongue, dipping it inside to taste him, and Kris sighed out a little moan, leaning into him.

"Why don't,we spend some time alone while Lily explores the house?" Adam suggested, slipping his hand up under the back of Kris' shirt, "

"She does seem pretty busy," Kris agreed, grinning into his mouth. "Bedroom?"

"We shouldn't scar her tender doggy ears with doing it on the couch quite yet," Adam confirmed, giggling and laying a hand against the small of Kris' back, pulling him closer.

Kris took Adam's hand and led him through the maze of boxes, closing the bedroom door behind them. Adam curved a hand around the back of Kris' neck once their knees hit the bed, kissing him slowly and pushing him back onto the mattress.

Kris tugged on Adam's bottom lip, a shock of pleasure traveling down Adam's spine as Kris' hand slipped over the crotch of his jeans, rubbing the hard cock concealed inside the denim.

"Do you still want to...?" Kris asked, and Adam nodded, sucking on his tongue and pressing him back into the sheets.

"Yeah," Adam confirmed, absorbing Kris' little whimpers as he opened his shirt and took one peaked nipple into his mouth, soft tongue flicking across the flesh. "Wanna make love."

Adam peeled his own shirt off, and then Kris' hands were at the waistband of Adam's pants, fumbling with the button.

Adam made a little noise and grabbed Kris' slender wrists, trapping them over his head on the bed. Kris whined, muscles flexing against his grip, but Adam just held him tighter, pressing his hands down into the sheets.

"You have to tell me what you want," Adam reprimanded, nuzzling his face into Kris' taut, straining bicep, his gentle words at odds with his restraining grip. "And I'll take care of you."

Kris hid his burning face against Adam's chest, his breath warm-wet against his collarbone as he asked with his body, legs clinging to his hips.

"Want you i-inside me," Kris whispered, and Adam purred in pleasure, letting him go.

Kris stretched up towards him as soon as he was released, latching onto his mouth, and Adam sighed in reply, feeling Kris' thin fingers rake through his hair, pulling him closer.

Adam's fingers slowly descended to Kris' waist, shaky fingers fumbling the button open. He slipped his hand inside to cup around hot, rock-hard flesh, the soft cotton of his underwear damp with excitement.

Adam shuddered and pulled the rough fabric off of Kris' legs, before peeling his own jeans off and throwing them away. He leaned back into Kris, pressing slow, wet kisses to his lips as his hands curled around the waistband of his briefs, fingers brushing against soft, close-cropped hair.

Adam paused before he could pull them down, however, overcome with some deep sense of gravity.

"Let's.... Let's take this slow, okay?" Adam suggested, kissing him once, softly. "I don't want to...hurt you. I'm ready for this, but I just...."

"I understand, baby," Kris murmured, stroking his cheek. "Do whatever you need to do to be comfortable, okay? Even if it means stopping."

"I'm not gonna stop," Adam mumbled, the taste of his lover sweet on his tongue, unique and overwhelming. "I'm so ready to make love to you."

"Love you," Kris whispered, breath warm against his neck, and Adam returned the sentiment, pulling the briefs slowly down his thighs.

“Nnh,” Kris moaned, as Adam took his leaking erection into his hand, kissing the breath out of him. Adam fondled the stiff, velvety length, precome sticky against his fingertips, his hips rocking forward instinctively as Kris whimpered, hard cock nudging against the soft heat of his inner thigh.

“Take these off?” Kris requested, tugging lightly at the waistband of Adam's briefs, and Adam obeyed, quickly shimmying them off and throwing them away.

“Mmm,” Adam sighed, burying his face into the crook of his neck and wrapping an arm around Kris' lower back, pulling them together. Heat mingled between their naked bodies as they just embraced each other for a long moment, Adam's lips seeking the warmth of Kris' throat.

Kris shuddered in his arms when Adam pressed his thighs apart, hand descending to probe behind his balls, lightly pressing against his tight entrance. Adam rubbed slow circles against the puckered flesh, feeling Kris' muscles clench against the stimulation.

“You've done this before, right?” Adam murmured into his ear, and Kris nodded against his shoulder, breaths a little more rapid than normal.

“Yeah,” he replied, voice dropped quiet. “With my last ex. It.... It wasn't very good.”

Adam squeezed him reassuringly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He'd lost his virginity at 21 to another man, quite uncomfortably—he knew what one bad experience could do to your perspective of making love.

“Don't worry,” Adam softly mumbled, reaching under the pillow to extract their lube. “I'm gonna make it so, so good for you.”

“I know,” Kris replied, as Adam slicked his fingers, rubbing them together to warm the chilly liquid.

“Tell me if it's uncomfortable, all right?” Adam instructed, pressing back one of Kris' thighs, and Kris murmured an agreement, body shivering almost imperceptibly with anticipation.

Adam ran his fingers across his grasping hole, leaving behind a wet trail of lube. It had been so long since he had last entered a lover, and the memories hovered just under the surface of his consciousness as he pressed a fingertip inside, hot, wet tightness opening around him.

“Talk to me, Kris,” Adam grated out, pressing a kiss to his knee, and Kris gasped as Adam slid his finger to the hilt inside of him, body clenching spasmodically around the digit.

“It feels good,” Kris groaned, hips shifting restlessly on the bed. “Aaah, Adam....”

Adam pressed another finger slowly inside of his tight passage, focusing on the heat of Kris' body, and the sweet cadence of his whimpers. This was a moment he wanted to sear into his memory.

Kris cried out at the stretch as Adam slowly but firmly fucked him open, fingers deftly curving to find that special spot inside his body. He knew he'd found it by the way Kris' whimpers cut short on a rough inhale, and his hips arched off the bed, pressing himself down onto the digits.

“Mmpf,” Kris said, moan cut off against Adam's hot mouth, and Kris wrapped an arm around his neck, thigh hooked over his hip.

“I'm ready for you,” Kris breathed, the words caressing across Adam's lips like a promise. “Take me—all of me. I'm yours.”

Adam's breath hitched, overcome with emotion as he laid his forehead down against Kris'. He could feel Kris' hands between his thighs, working a condom down over his dripping cock. He lined himself up, then, feeling Kris' entrance quiver against the head of his cock, welcoming him in.

He didn't need to ask if he was ready—he could feel it in the way Kris' legs clung shakily to his hips, the way his lips just rested against his own, their breaths mingling.

The first press in was hesitant and stuttering, and Kris' lips parted in a gasp at the same time as Adam's, their heartbeats thundering. Everything Adam could feel was focused down to the hot wetness pulsing around him, the strong thighs that pulled him further in when his muscles seemed to liquify.

Adam's mind grew hazy at the feeling, and he bit his lip, eyes slitted. Brad's image had never been so clear in his mind as it was now—the image of his naked form, spread out panting against the sheets, legs spread as fingers clenched into soft fabric. Brad's body had drawn him in like this, so hungry for the next stroke and the confirmation of love that it brought with it—

“Adam,” Kris said, the sound of his voice pulling Adam back into the moment, his callused hands framing his face, lips pressing against his cheek, his forehead. “Stay with me. Say my name.”

“Kris,” Adam ground out, accompanied by his first short thrust, pleasure a raw shock down his spine. And then, suddenly, that was his mantra—the litany of pleasure he repeated as he took another thrust, hands slipping down to spread Kris' thighs further, to open him wider to the sweet joining of their bodies.

Kris' voice was a low moan in his ear, breathing out a constant stream of garbled endearments, and Adam buried his face into the sweat-slick dip of his shoulder, lips pressing wherever they fell.

Kris' hips pressed up to meet his, hot stalk of flesh branding against Adam's hip, his jerky motions accompanied by a low, pleading whine.

“Touch me,” he begged against Adam's mouth, crying out as the thick head of Adam's cock brushed against his prostate, over and over again.

“Gonna take you apart just like this, baby,” Adam said with a shake of his head, his whisper broken with pants, and Kris wrapped shaky arms around his shoulders, thighs quivering.

Adam pressed his tongue into the salty heat of Kris' mouth as the mattress creaked rhythmically beneath them, the headboard vibrating against the wall. Kris' body was a hot arch of flesh as his cries reached into falsetto range, his body shivering with the sweet sensations Adam was providing.

“Mmpf.... Adam!” Kris cried, and Adam's groaned as Kris' hips spasmed beneath him, hot come striping Adam's stomach.

Adam grasped at Kris' hips as his lover's body clenched unbearably tight around his throbbing flesh, and he buried his face against his shoulder, pumping his explosive release deep into Kris' body.

The next few moments were like slipping into the best of dreams. The last few spasms of orgasm rocked Adam's body as Kris' arms went slack and heavy around his back, harsh gasps of air disturbing the silence of the room. Then, their muscles were unknotting one by one, and they relaxed into a heavy, sated tangle of smiles and sweat, lips seeking and meeting, pressing against overheated flesh.

Adam gently withdrew from Kris' body, hearing the slight sigh that slipped past his lips in reply, and he reached down between Kris' thighs, fingertip gently touching his swollen entrance.

“Does it hurt?” Adam murmured, hand retreating to draw across his thigh, and Kris shook his head against the crook of his neck, lips curved into a smile.

“No.... It feels good,” Kris replied, tossing out the condom before wrapping his arms around his shoulders and tugging him down. “Hold me?”

Adam smiled softly and pressed kisses all over his face, savoring the sweet afterglow of pleasure. He shifted them under the covers, pulling Kris close. It was a few moments before he registered the feeling of tears spattering against his shoulder.

“Kris? Baby,” Adam said, worriedly framing his face, feeling more tears slip against his thumbs. “Are you okay? Did I...?”

“No, that's not....” Kris said, through a wet little hiccup. “It's just.... I love you so much. Thank you...for giving me that. It m-means.... It means everything to me.”

Adam's own eyes fogged with tears at the words, and he leaned his forehead gently down against Kris', smiling tenderly.

“I'm so in love with you,” Adam whispered against his cheek, thumb stroking softly against his jaw. “I wanna spend my life with you. It was time.”

“Adam.... Nnh,” Kris said, cut off by the soft caresses of Adam's mouth, and Adam slid his hands along his jaw, cocooned in the warmth of their bed.

The way Kris fit into his arms.... This was everything he'd been looking for.


	27. Chapter 27

The shrill ring of a cellphone pierced through Adam's peaceful sleep, and he groggily propped himself up onto his elbow, yawning widely. His fingers fumbled with the items on the nightstand, eventually closing around the cool plastic of his cellphone.

  
 

It was Saturday.... He hated when people called him on Saturday morning.

  
 

He flipped it open and brought it to his ear anyway, suppressing another yawn as he answered and doing his best to sound alert.

  
 

“Hello?”

  
 

The voice that answered cleared some of the haze from his mind—he hadn't heard that voice in quite a while now.

  
 

“Hey,” Ethan greeted, his voice as subdued as ever, but somehow even more uncertain, like he was wondering if he even should have called. “Um, I woke you up.”

  
 

“Yeah,” Adam agreed, rubbing sleep from his eyes and sitting up on the edge of the bed. He felt Kris shift behind him, and he reached a hand back, rubbing a thumb against his shoulder. “What's up?”

  
 

“I,” Ethan started, his voice faltering for a few seconds, “I was just wondering, if, um, you would meet me for lunch today. At George's downtown, you know?”

  
 

“Uh, sure,” Adam said, a little taken aback by the offer, feeling Kris' fingers play idly with his own as a stubbled cheek pressed in against his bare side. “What time?”

  
 

“12:30?” Ethan suggested, and Adam agreed, running his fingers through Kris' hair as his mind began playing through the possibilities of this meeting.

  
 

“See you there, then,” Ethan finished, hanging up before Adam could reply.

  
 

Adam snapped his phone shut a little perplexedly, setting it back on the table, and Kris curled into his side, head laying against his thigh.

  
 

“Who was that, baby?” Kris sleepily mumbled, lips shifting against his skin as he chuckled a little. “I hope it doesn't involve me.... I don't think I'm gonna be able to walk today.”

  
 

Adam made an empathetic noise and rubbed his hand across Kris' cheek, stubble rasping against his palm.

  
 

“Doesn't mean I don't want to do it again,” Kris protested a tad bit shyly, tracing a circle progressively higher across Adam's thigh, and Adam caught his hand, bringing it to his lips.

  
 

“That was Ethan, babe,” he reported. “He invited me out for lunch in a few hours.”

  
 

Kris sat up beside him, touching his hand. “Did he say what he wanted?”

  
 

Adam shook his head, sighing a little. “No. I can't _ever_ tell what that boy wants from me. But.... I promised to help him out, so I'll meet him.”

  
 

“So 12:30, huh?” Kris asked, slipping into his lap and wrapping his strong arms around his waist. “Think that leaves us enough time for...?”

 

Adam giggled, delighted as always when Kris let himself be a little mischievous. He grinned and pulled him closer, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

  
 

“We just might be able to make time if you hop in the shower with me, lover.”

  
 

~

  
 

Adam pressed a kiss to Kris' lips outside of George's restaurant, where he and Ethan had agreed to meet. Lily was laying in the back seat, tail wagging in excitement, harness strapped to her back.

  
 

He rested his palm against Kris' cheek, lingering for a moment. It never ceased to amaze Adam how, when some unpredictability threatened, Kris' presence alone was always enough to ground him, to hold him up and fortify him.

  
 

“Call me when you two are finished, all right?” Kris murmured, and Adam nodded, pressing a last kiss to his face before turning, retrieving Lily, and closing the door behind him.

  
 

~

  
 

Kris lingered at the curb, watching Adam as he entered the restaurant, off to face the next hurdle in his path. He'd grown so much in the time Kris had known him; it felt like if he let him out of his sight for even a moment, he would miss his next forward leap.

  
 

He had told Adam that he was going to go out and get groceries while he was gone, but he paused instead, staring down at his hands. That wasn't really what he wanted to do—something else had been on his mind for a few weeks now.

  
 

He pulled out of the parking lot and turned away from home, heading towards a certain shop further into the suburbs. He knew what he was looking for, the image of it was clear in his mind—it was just a matter of finding it, of finding one to fit the picture in his mind. He'd held off this long, not wanting to rush Adam—wanting to wait until Adam was ready to share that last piece of himself, as he had just last night.

  
 

For all the promises they had made, he wanted to make just one more.

  
 

~

  
 

Adam had been to this restaurant before with friends. He entered alongside Lily, intending to find a waitress, but, before he could, he was sidetracked by a soft voice.

  
 

“Hi, Adam,” Ethan said, a little timidly. “Um, I've already got a table over here.”

  
 

“Oh, all right,” Adam said, smiling at him and following the sound of his footsteps.

  
 

He sat down and made sure Lily did the same under the table, before waiting for Ethan to say something. He knew better than to ask why Ethan had invited him—trying to initiate the conversation before Ethan was ready would most certainly end poorly.

  
 

The waitress approached before another word was exchanged between them, her voice bubbly and pleasant despite the otherwise silent atmosphere. They ordered their drinks, then Adam settled back into his chair and idly foldied the corners of his napkin.

  
 

The waitress quickly returned and set the drinks in front of them, and they sat in silence for a few more minutes, Adam sipping at his ice water. Ethan cleared his throat a few times, before finally starting to speak.

  
 

“Um, thanks for coming on such short notice,” he said, sighing a little. “I.... I don't even know what I want to say to you, really. I just felt like I needed to say..._something._”

  
 

He lapsed into silence for a moment. “I've...spent a lot of time with Bobby lately. And I guess I asked you here to...let you know what I've been beginning to figure out. I mean....”

  
 

“Tell me whatever you need to,” Adam encouraged, listening as Ethan let out a whooshing breath in reply.

  
 

“Kris isn't...very fond of me, is he?” Ethan asked, laughing once a little self-deprecatingly. “That's understandable I guess. But I just wanted you both to know that I never really had any serious interest in you like that. I mean, it was just a stupid crush on my brother's boyfriend before the accident, and afterward....”

  
 

He paused again, making a little frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “It's just so fuckin' hard to explain.”

  
 

“Believe me.... I know the feeling,” Adam agreed. “Trying to put words to it.”

  
 

“Well....” he began again, “That night at the reunion.... At the time I had no clue what that was about. What I did to you, I mean. I remember being just really confused and disoriented. But now I think I understand just how much..._guilt _I still felt. I mean, I logically knew that there was nothing I could have done to prevent the accident, but I still felt like I should have been a better brother, supported him more, you know?” 

  
 

Adam didn't break the silence that followed—he could sense something big on the horizon, and he wouldn't risk shattering it with an out-of-place comment.

 

“That night, I think I just...wanted to unload that guilt on someoneelse. _Anybody. _And you were the prime opportunity; seeing you again brought back _everything.... _Plus you were involved in the crash that night.So I did what I did, I accused you of everything, but it didn't take away that burden. Not at all. It was a hundred times _worse_ afterward, if anything.”

  
 

He hesitated, voice wavering. “I still miss my brother every day. I wish I'd had the chance to tell him how much he meant to me before he died. But now I kind of think I just need to do the next best thing.... Make things right with the people he cared most about. I'm trying to open up to my parents more, trying to get involved with things again.”

  
 

Silence hung heavy in the air for a second, Adam in awe of what he was hearing, of what Ethan had managed to accomplish in the short time he had been off getting his guide dog. But he wasn't finished.

  
 

“I guess what I'm trying to say is.... I'm really sorry. I know you couldn't have done anything more than you did. You made Brad happier than anyone else in the world. I don't know if we could ever be friends, with all the memories hanging around between us and whatever.... But I want us to be _okay. _Will you...shake to a fresh start?”

  
 

“Of course,” Adam smiled, genuinely this time, grasping Ethan's hand. “I.... I really think I'm ready for a new beginning.”

  
 

~

  
 

Adam was silent all the way home, until Kris closed the door behind them both, his footsteps following him to the couch. Adam took off Lily's harness and let her go free, hearing as she ran across the room to attack her newest squeaky toy.

  
 

“So.... How did it go?” Kris asked, a little hesitantly, sitting down beside him. Adam could tell that his silence had made Kris assume the worst—but he was nothing but happy as he cracked a wavering smile and pulled Kris close, wrapping him tightly into his embrace.

  
 

“Just come here,” he whispered, silencing his questions for a moment.

  
 

Kris pulled away from his kiss with a rough exhale a few minutes later, back arching a little into his embrace as he cleared his throat.

  
 

“He apologized to me,” Adam said, before Kris could ask, smiling and nuzzling in against his cheek. “And he apologized to _you, _too. He never meant to come between us.... I can't believe how much he's grown with Bobby in just the time I was gone.”

  
 

“Wow,” Kris said, voice bright with a smile. “That's amazing. I'm...glad he's coming along.”

  
 

“He is,” Adam nodded, eyes clouding over the smallest bit. “As if I needed any more proof of how a person can stand back up and keep on going.”

  
 

“You're the first and best example of that, baby,” Kris pointed out, and Adam just tugged him closer, kissing the dip of his shoulder.

  
 

“Well, I had you to help me,” Adam whispered, smiling into the soft, sweet-smelling flannel of his boyfriend's shirt. “I was lucky enough to have a man like you walk right into my life.”

  
 

“Adam,” Kris breathed, voice wavering, giving into the pressure of his lips for a moment before laying his head against the dip of his neck and just breathing.

  
 

He pulled back a little then, shuffling around the couch, one shaking hand laying over Adam's.

  
 

“I wasn't going to do this now,” Kris abruptly announced, his voice thick. “I was going to take you out to dinner and tell you how gorgeous you look and everything...but Adam, I just can't wait for this. I'll wait for you forever if you tell me to, but I have to ask you this now.”

  
 

Adam's breath caught in his throat just like that, and then something cool and metallic was pressed into his palm, guided onto his ring finger by Kris' trembling hands.

  
 

“Adam Lambert,” Kris said, cradling Adam's hands between his own, and Adam could barely believe what was happening, couldn't tell if Kris was kneeling or—“Marry me. Please.”

  
 

Kris' voice cracked, picking up in speed. “We don't have to set a date. We don't have to make it official until 20 years from now for all I care. We can wait till California legalizes it, or we can drive to somewhere else—I just.... I just want for us to make this promise. We can tell everyone; we can tell no one. I don't even mind if you choose not to answer right now. Just...wear my ring. Tell me you're mine like this. I love you so much, you brave, strong, beautiful man.”

  
 

Adam brought a hand to his mouth as tears spilled from his eyes, struck dumb as Kris' thumb pressed in against the ring. It was a new presence there, already warm around his finger, feeling heavy and  _right. _ He didn't need to see it to know that it was there, to know what it meant for the two of them.

  
 

“I'll wear it,” Adam choked, his entire body shivering, tears falling down his cheeks in a hot wave. “I'll wear it, Kris.”

  
 

“Oh, baby,” Kris murmured, voice low with tears and joy, and Adam welcomed the arms that wrapped around his body, burying his face into his chest. A laugh bubbled up from deep beneath his tears, and soon he was grinning uncontrollably, feeling Kris' strong biceps tighten around him, the solid weight of his ring trapped between their bodies.

  
 

He'd never felt so complete as he did now: sobbing and laughing into this man's chest, holding on for all he was worth.

 

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

Kris should have known to turn down the volume on his cellphone before telling Allison—he was reminded of this rather painfully when she squealed at an unholy volume into his ear, making him wince.

 

“I think you just burst an eardrum,” he complained, and of course he was completely ignored.

 

“You proposed to him?” she shouted, and he held the phone away from his ear, frantically turning down the volume, though it did not much help. Allison continued to shout as she asked, “How come I didn't know about this?”

 

“I wasn't sure that I was going to for sure until yesterday!” Kris defended himself, cracking a smile despite himself. “The moment just happened to be right last night.”

 

“Oh my god, where's Adam now?” she asked, and Kris checked his watch.

 

“He should be home in just a few minutes,” he reported. “He had to do his set at the club tonight.”

 

“So should I go buy I dress? When's the wedding set for? Are—“

 

“We don't have a date set,” Kris said. “I want him to be ready. I just...wanted to know that it was going to happen someday. But he agreed to wear my ring, and that's all I could have wished for.”

 

“That's really, really sweet,” Alli said, voice abruptly softened. “Who else knows?”

 

“Adam wanted to tell both of our parents, Bobby, and you,” Kris replied, thinking forward to the plans they had made tonight. “We took his parents out to dinner yesterday. They were absolutely ecstatic. We're calling mine as soon as he gets home tonight.”

 

“They're gonna take it fine, sweetie,” Allison reassured him, referring to his parents, and he nodded a little.

 

“I know,” he agreed. “They've really been making an effort since they visited—speaking to Adam when they call and everything.”

 

He paused for a moment. “But hey, I'd better go and get dinner started.”

 

“Okay,” Allison said, still sounding delighted. “Congratulations, bro. Tell Adam to call me soon!”

 

“Will do,” Kris smiled, saying goodbye before hanging up and heading out into the kitchen.

 

~

 

Adam came in the door after an exhilarating set, adrenaline still running high in his veins. He may not have announced the latest event in his life to the audience, but he'd worn his ring proudly on his finger and sang his heart out. Matt had noticed, at any rate, and Adam was surprised by how fantastically _good _it felt to tell him the news.

 

“Hey,” Kris greeted as Adam smiled, letting Lily free of her harness. “How did your set go?”

 

“Really good,” Adam happily replied, settling down next to him on the sofa. “I was really on the ball tonight.”

 

“I'm glad,” Kris replied, bringing Adam's hand to his lips and pressing a kiss against the heavy gold band there.

 

Adam kept hold of Kris' hands as he met his questing mouth, enjoying the sweet softness of his  fiance’s lips. He hadn't toyed with that word before, but now he allowed himself to—simply considering it was like something from a dream.

 

“Nnh,” Kris mumbled, sounding like he would be content to stay in this position forever, but Adam pulled away, rubbing their noises playfully together.

 

“I do believe we have a phone call to make.” Adam grinned, and Kris made a little noise of agreement.

 

“That we do,” he replied, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

 

Kris' fingers tapped away at the keypad, turning the phone on speaker as it rang. Kim picked up a few seconds later, greeting him cheerfully. Adam smiled to himself—it was still wonderful to hear Kris' parents being so receptive to him, and to both of them as a couple.

 

“Hello there!” she said, voice warm, even filtering tinnily through the speakers. “How have you been?”

 

“Great, mama,” Kris said, suppressed excitement clearly present in his voice. “What about you?”

 

“Oh, I've been all right,” she replied. “Your father has been painting the kitchen for me. We picked out the prettiest butter yellow. It matches the drapes perfectly in the living room.”

 

“I bet it's great,” Kris said, changing the subject before she could go off onto a tangent—she was enthusiastic about her decorating. “But can you get dad and put him on the line, too? We have something to tell you both.”

 

“Oh, is Adam there, too?” she asked, calling Neil over to the phone.

 

“Hey, Kris, Adam,” Neil greeted, joining his wife on the phone. “What's going on?”

 

“We have something to announce,” Kris said, pausing for a second, squeezing Adam's hand. “Adam and I...we're engaged.”

 

The other end of the line was silent for a moment, before Kris' mom spoke up, her voice brimming with something that sounded very much like pride.

 

“Wow, Kristopher!” she exclaimed, and Adam was unable to hold back the wide grin that split his face at her genuine joy. “That's wonderful. Congratulations to the both of you.”

 

“Thank you,” Adam softly replied, bringing Kris' hand to his lips and kissing it, eyes closing as he smiled in content.

 

“Are you guys planning on waiting until California legalizes it?” Neil inquired. “Or you just going to have the ceremony somewhere else?”

 

“We haven't decided yet,” Kris answered. “There's no date set as of right now.”

 

“Well, whenever you two decide, make sure we know about it!” Kim said, and Kris laughed.

 

“Of course, mama,” he assured her. “We'll talk to you later though, okay? Dinner's almost ready.”

 

“All right,” she agreed. “Congratulations again! You must be excited, Adam.”

 

“Of course,” Adam confirmed, squeezing Kris' hand and getting a kiss on the cheek in return. “It's an honor.”

 

“Well, we'll speak to you later,” Kim said. “Love you two.”

 

“Love you too, mama,” Kris replied, both of them chorusing a goodbye before hanging up.

 

“I'm glad they were excited,” Kris said once he'd put the phone aside, voice warm, and Adam drew him into his arms, smiling into his hair.

 

“Me too, baby,” he mumbled, drawing their bodies closer, craving the warmth of him. “Me too.”

 

~

 

Adam's brow furrowed, and he laid a hand on his hip, kicking the box on the floor, frustrated.

 

“Well, I don't know how this is going to work,” Adam commented, and Kris sighed a little, rustling around as he hung the clothes.

 

“We're gonna have to rearrange this, or _something,” _he replied, “You have, like, 700 pounds of clothes, and one closet, and we kind of need to get all of my boxes out of the living room.”

 

“I'm aware of that,” Adam said, and Kris huffed, dropping a pile of clothes onto the bed with a heavy thump.

 

“You aren't helping much,” Kris commented, and Adam threw his hands up, exhaling hard.

 

“Everything I have is in a specific order so I know what the hell I'm grabbing, Kris,” he defended himself, folding his arms. “And I can't very well fuck it up.”

 

“Fine,” Kris said, also frustrated, piling clothes back into his arms. “I'll just put it all back in the box, okay? We can do this whenever.”

 

Adam caught his arm as he started to walk by, though, sighing and rubbing a hand across his forehead.

 

“I'm sorry,” he apologized, leaning his head down against Kris' shoulder. “It's just.... It's always been one way. We can figure something out.”

 

“I know,” Kris said, running a soothing hand through his boyfriend's dark locks. “I'm sorry, too. But just think, baby.... As long as you leave me room for a toothbrush, you can still have the vanity all to yourself.”

 

“Thank God,” Adam teased, pressing a kiss to his jaw, and Kris turned into the caress of his lips, showing that their little spat was already water under the bridge.

 

“Why don't I make some lunch before we go any further, though?” Kris suggested, and Adam nodded in agreement, pulling back.

 

“There's lunch meat and shit in the fridge,” Adam said, and Kris nodded, footsteps tapping lightly out of the room.

 

Adam sighed and plopped down onto the bed next to Kris' clothes, running his fingertips over the soft, worn flannel.

 

He heard his phone ding once with a voicemail, and he curiously grabbed it from the nightstand. He must have had it on vibrate. The voice on the other end was Bobby's, but it was far more subdued than normal, its usual quietly happy tone vanished beneath a thick layer of forced calm.

 

“Hello, Adam,” she said, pausing a moment on the recording. “I have to speak with you about something important. Call me back as soon as you can, okay?”

 

Something about the message didn't sit right with Adam, and he dialed her number with an unpleasant anxiety squirming in his stomach, bringing the phone to his ear.

 

When she answered, her voice was just the same as it had been on the recording. “Ah.... Adam.”

 

“Hey, I got your message,” he said, trying futilely to keep his voice lighthearted. “What did you want to talk about?

 

“I'm not sure that I should even be bringing this up...but I believe with all my heart that you're strong enough now to deal with it constructively,” she said, voice level. “I've been working with a certain patient for some time now, Adam. He's seen you going in and out a few times, as much as I've tried to avoid that. He recognized you, and just recently...he asked me about setting up a meeting with you.”

 

She paused for a long time, then, the silence on the other end of the line buzzing in Adam's ear. “He was involved in the car crash, Adam. He was...driving the other car.”

 

Adam barely noticed the phone slip from between his fingers, landing silently on the bedspread, Bobby's voice still echoing hollowly up from it.

 

“Adam? ….Adam!”

 


	29. Chapter 29

“Adam, what do you want on your—“ Kris began, before looking up and stopping dead in the doorway. Adam was sitting with his head in his hands, knees pulled up to his chest, shoulders trembling slightly. 

  
 

Kris rushed over, alarmed, repeating his name as he grasped at his biceps. “Adam.... Adam, what's wrong? Adam, look at me.” 

  
 

Adam only buried his face into Kris' shoulder, hiding his eyes as tears stained the fabric of his t-shirt. Kris wrapped his arms around him, breathing comforting nonsense into his hair, puzzled and frightened. 

  
 

Just then, he noticed the cellphone laying at Adam's feet, the screen laying open to the ceiling. The name “Bobby” was displayed above the still-ticking call duration, and Kris snatched it up, bringing it to his ear. 

  
 

“Bobby,” he said, urgently, “Are you there? What's wrong? What.... What happened?”

  
 

“Make sure Adam's all right,” she quickly replied, concern thick in her voice. “I'll tell you in a minute. Make sure he's okay.”

  
 

Kris dropped the phone again, pushing Adam far enough away to see his face. Tears were leaving tracks down his cheeks, and Kris wiped them away with his thumbs, cupping his jaw in his hands. Adam looked down at the bedspread, throat working convulsively, and Kris leaned in, trailing kisses softly across his cheekbone. 

  
 

“I'm o-okay,” Adam insisted, eyes squeezing shut as he twined his arms tightly around Kris' waist, cheek pressing to his chest. His body was still trembling in Kris' arms, despite his words, and Kris rocked him, carding his fingers through his silky dark hair. 

  
 

“Just hold me,” Adam whispered, face still blank with shock. “Tell Bobby that...I'll call her later, okay?”

  
 

Kris nodded, retrieving the phone from the bedspread. 

  
 

“Bobby?” he asked, keeping one arm firmly anchored around Adam, “You there?”

  
 

“Yes,” she replied, suddenly sounding old and very, very tired. “How's Adam?”

  
 

“Shaken,” Kris tightly replied, caressing the back of Adam's neck lightly. “What the hell is going on?”

  
 

“Maybe it was foolish of me to have told him,” Bobby started, “But.... The man who caused the accident that day has been asking me to set up a meeting with Adam. He's one of my clients.”

  
 

“You just told him that over the phone?” Kris said, voice constricted with anger. 

  
 

“He had to be told at some point,” Bobby quietly replied. “For his own good.” 

  
 

Kris swallowed heavily, forcing his voice to remain steady. 

  
 

“Well, it obviously helped a whole hell of a lot,” Kris said, with a cold calm he didn't feel in the least. “He says he'll call you later.”

  
 

He hung before she could reply, throwing the phone aside in frustration. 

  
 

“What's wrong?” Adam asked, catching his wrist, and Kris quickly clamped down on his emotions, touching his face gently.

  
 

“I'm fine, baby,” Kris murmured. “Are you okay? No...flashbacks or anything?”

  
 

“No, no,” Adam replied, entire body going slack with exhaustion. “I'm.... I'm fine.”

  
 

He paused and drew a long, rattling breath, voice thick with sadness. “It's just...the last time I saw that man....he was stumbling around drunk outside the wreck, barely a scratch on him. He didn't—he didn't have a clue what he'd just done. What he'd taken. He didn't even care.” 

  
 

“He must be looking for help, if he's going to a therapist,” Kris replied, looking for something positive to say, and Adam nodded, fresh tear tracks marking his cheeks.

  
 

“I just, I mean..... I don't know if I could even look at him,” Adam said, voice the merest whisper.

  
 

He fell silent and rested his head against Kris' shoulder then, eyes shut and face creased, leaving Kris to his own swirling, bitter thoughts. 

  
 

~ 

  
 

Kris was just about to assume Adam had fallen asleep when he shifted, pale face raising. His eyes were swollen, but the tears had ceased. 

  
 

“You okay?” Kris whispered, rubbing slow circles against his back, and Adam nodded after a moment of consideration.

  
 

“I'm okay, yeah....” Adam said, hoarse voice cracking. “But I.... I don't know what to do. I don't want to see him. I can't believe....”

  
 

He trailed off, eyes dry but filled with uncertainty, and Kris kissed his cheek, offering what words of comfort he could. 

  
 

~ 

  
 

“I mean, can you even believe that, Alli?” Kris said, taking another long gulp of his beer. “She told him that _over the phone._ He was so upset....”

  
 

“It was pretty tactless, telling him over the phone and all,” Allison agreed, manicured feet resting on the coffee table. “But he would have found out sooner or later anyway.”

  
 

“She's a therapist,” Kris muttered, running his finger along the rim of the bottle. “It's her _job_ to have tact.”

  
 

“I know you're upset, babe,” Allison said, leaning forward and resting a hand on his knee to stop it's nervous shaking. “But you don't have to take it out on Bobby. Yeah, she presented the issue in a shitty way, but she makes mistakes just like everyone else. And she's been there for him for a hell of a long time.”

  
 

“I know that,” Kris sighed, nibbling at his bottom lip. “But it's just.... I'm afraid for him.”

  
 

“Adam's a strong man, sweetie,” Allison gently reminded him, ignoring Kris' grunt of frustration at her repeating what he already knew. “If you stand by him, he can make it through this just like everything else.”

  
 

Kris nodded silently, gazing listlessly at the label of his beer, and Allison leaned back, regarding him thoughtfully. 

  
 

“But that's not all that's making you so frustrated,” Allison stated after a moment, watching his face. “Is it?”

  
 

Kris shrugged a little, and Allison tapped her fingertips against the top of the couch, waiting.  
  
 

“It's just,” Kris finally sighed, continuing a little uncertainly, “that.... I mean.... We just got engaged, you know? And now Bobby had to bring this whole thing up, and....”

  
 

“It's putting a damper on what should be a happy time between the two of you,” Allison finished for him, and Kris nodded once, taking another drink.

  
 

“It's just, two steps forward, one step back, over and over again,” he murmured, and Allison laid a hand on his knee, meeting his eyes with her characteristic directness.

  
 

“Well, that's how relationships are, baby,” she said, lips curving a little. “Especially with someone that's been through all that Adam has. But you have to decide in the end, even with all the road bumps along the way, is the road still worth traveling?”

  
 

She paused, squeezing. “And by the ring on Adam's finger, it's obvious what choice you've made in that regard. No person or circumstance in the world can take that from you, Kristopher.” 

  
 

“Thanks, Alli,” he said, smiling a little as Allison waved away the gratitude with a flick of her wrist.

  
 

“Where is Adam, anyway?” she asked, and Kris checked his watch.

  
“At work.... He should be home soon,” he replied. 

  
 

“Then finish up your drink and head back there,” she said, smacking him once on the leg. “And that's an order. Go home, do something special for your man, and enjoy your time as a sappy, engaged couple.”

  
 

Kris laughed, kissing her on the cheek. “Okay. I'll keep you updated, all right?” 

  
 

“Sure,” Allison agreed, her brown eyes warm. “See you later, Krissy.”

  
 

~ 

  
 

Adam let himself and Lily in, shoulders heavy with exhaustion. After the news he had received yesterday, even singing a short set felt like running a marathon. On the plus side, all of the regulars were absolutely enchanted by Lily—hopefully, they hadn't noticed just how preoccupied he was. 

  
 

“Kris?” Adam called out, unsure if he was still at Allison's. He paused in the middle of the living room, breathing in the rich scent of something cooking.

  
 

“In the kitchen, baby,” Kris' voice called back, filtering out from the direction of the kitchen. “Don't bother coming in here; we're eating on the couch tonight.”

  
 

Kris entered the room, dishes and silverware clinking in his hands as they both settled onto the couch. 

  
 

“How was your set?” Kris asked, handing Adam his plate.

  
 

“Oh, okay,” Adam replied, smiling thinly. He broke a real smile, however, when Kris leaned over to light the candles on the coffee table, vanilla drifting lightly throughout the room.

  
 

“Kristopher Allen, you are such a romantic,” Adam laughed, taking a bite of what he discovered to be lasagna. “But why on the couch?”

  
 

“Because I can't do this when you're all the way on the other end of a table,” Kris explained, nestling against his side, and Adam smiled, kissing him lightly.

  
 

“This is really good,” Adam complimented him, chewing appreciatively. “I sure landed myself a good cook.”

  
 

“It's my mom's recipe,” Kris disclosed. “She makes an amazing lasagna. But anyway....”

  
 

He paused. “I figured you were stressed out over what Bobby told you, so I thought I'd make you something good.” 

  
 

“I appreciate it,” Adam said, quietly, feeling his brow crease with all the emotion he'd kept caged away all day. Apprehension was settling heavily into the pit of his stomach even thinking about it. “I don't really know...how to feel.”

  
 

“Well, Bobby kind of chose a terrible way to break the news,” Kris muttered, and Adam shrugged. 

  
 

“It's not Bobby's fault,” he said. “I'm glad she told me.”

  
 

“I know, it's just,” Kris replied, shoulders shifting against his side in a shrug. “This is supposed to be a happy time for us.”

  
 

Adam made a noise and leaned over, laying his forehead against Kris'. 

  
 

“Hey now,” he said, rubbing the tips of their noses together. “_Nothing _could get in the way of how happy I am for that. In fact, that's one of the reasons I....”

  
 

He trailed off, leaning back against the arm of the couch. “That's one of the reasons I've made a decision about meeting..... God, I don't think I ever even knew his name.” 

  
 

_  
_“You decided already?” Kris asked, sounding surprised, and Adam slowly nodded, picking at his food for a minute before taking another bite. 

  
 

“Yeah,” he said, chasing the doubt out of his voice. “I.... I'm going to tell her to set a date.”

  
 

“To meet in person?” Kris asked, voice betraying his anxiety. “I mean, what if you started out over the phone, or....?”

  
 

“When,” Adam replied, squeezing his hand, “have you ever known me to do something halfway?”

  
 

Kris paused, his breathing slow and measured. “I know. I just don't want anything...to happen to slow you down.” 

  
 

“Things happen to slow me down all the time,” Adam replied with a half smile. “Traffic jams. Ice cream cravings. When I lose a sock under the bed.”

  
 

“I'm being serious,” Kris quietly murmured, and Adam sighed.

  
 

“I know; I'm sorry,” Adam replied. “But I.... I want to do this. I really feel that I need to. Maybe this guy and I are in the same place right now. This could be that final...push, maybe for all involved.”

  
 

He paused for a moment, fingering the gold band around his finger. “Besides.... I owe it to you, to Bobby, to my parents, to everyone who's helped me, to keep trying. But most of all, I owe it to myself and Brad. Brad would have wanted me to stay strong and...listen to whatever he needs to say.” 

  
 

“Then that's what you should do,” Kris agreed after a moment, kissing him once on the cheek. “That's exactly what you should do.”

  
 

~ 

  
 

Adam groaned into the sweaty curve of Kris' neck, taking a few last, labored thrusts. Their bodies strained together, backs arching with final sighs of pleasure before falling slack. 

  
 

Panting moans of content settled into deep kisses, and Adam smiled against his fiance's mouth, running his palms leisurely over the curves of his body. 

  
 

“The lovemaking has gotten better since we got engaged,” Kris grinned against Adam's ear, leg slung heavily around his waist. “At this rate, we'll reverse the trend of the marriage sex-life lull.”

  
 

“I don't doubt it for a moment,” Adam replied, kissing him once and shifting off of him. “Hey, why don't we get dinner ready?”

  
 

“Definitely.... I'm starving,” Kris agreed, squeezing him around the waist once more before standing. He shuffled about, pulling his pajama pants on before padding into the kitchen.

  
 

Adam made to stand and follow him, but hesitated, impulsively reaching over to grab his phone. His apprehensions all but disappeared when he was lost in Kris, but they had to be faced. 

  
 

Adam dialed the familiar number and drew a deep lungful of air, doubt already prickling up his spine. Kris would be done setting up dinner in just a few minutes; Adam could hear the metallic clang of utensils as he set the table. 

  
 

Bobby answered on the second ring, and Adam rotated his ring around his finger with the thumb of the same hand, steeling himself. 

  
 

“Hey, Bobby? I wanted to talk about setting up a meeting."


	30. Chapter 30

Adam tightened his grip on Lily's harness, the slow rocking of her gait grounding him. This place usually spoke of comfort and kindness to him—that's what Bobby had always signified for him. This building would always hold a part of him within its walls. He had cried here, he had laughed here, and now he would face the unknown here. 

  
 

A hand slipped into his, then, soft lips brushing against his ear. “You doing okay?” 

  
 

“Yeah,” Adam confirmed, squeezing Kris' fingers and pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. “I'm fine.”

  
 

“Hey, let's sit down,” Kris murmured. “We're a few minutes early.”

  
 

Adam nodded, slumping down onto the couch and leaning his head against Kris' shoulder. His stomach was in knots, and he drew a few deep lungfuls of air, forcing his muscles to relax. Kris wrapped a comforting arm around his waist and pressed his lips to his temple, a breath fanning out against the skin there. 

  
 

Kris shifted a little a few minutes later, and Adam lifted his head, hearing someone approach. Woman's heels were clicking across the floor, soon accompanied by a familiar, gentle voice. 

  
 

“Hello, Adam,” Bobby greeted, stopping them when they both made to stand. “Ah, Adam, can I speak to you first?”

  
 

“Um, sure,” Adam agreed, a little apprehensive, standing and following her out of Kris' earshot.

  
 

“Adam,” she began, laying a hand on his elbow, “first.... I want to apologize for how I told you about this. I was busy, but that's not a valid excuse for telling you over the phone. I should have met with you in person.”

  
 

“It's all right,” Adam assured her. “It turned out okay. Is that all...?”

  
 

She paused for a long moment, releasing a long breath of air. “No. I wish I didn't have to ask this of you, but Thomas—that's his name—requested a private session.” 

  
 

Adam's lips parted as he took in the implications of that statement, right hand immediately going to the gold band around his ring finger. “You mean.... Kris won't be allowed to be with me.” 

  
 

“He can wait right outside,” Bobby replied, “but he's asked for confidentiality, and I have to honor that. Of course.... If that factor changes your mind about the meeting, you're not obligated in any way to continue.”

  
 

“Okay.... Okay,” Adam murmured, rubbing a hand roughly over his face. “Just—Just give me a minute to talk to Kris, all right?”

  
 

“Of course,” Bobby agreed, laying her slender hand on his shoulder for a moment. “Take as long as you need. I'll wait in my office.”

  
 

Adam nodded his agreement, making his way back to Kris, who took both of Adam's hands in his as soon as he sat down, voice betraying his concern. 

  
 

“What's wrong, Adam? Why do you look like that?”

  
 

~ 

  
 

“What do you _mean_ I'm not allowed to come in with you?” Kris asked, his voice gone high-pitched and incredulous, and Adam grasped at his hands, pressing his nose against the side of his face.

  
 

“Please don't make a big deal of it,” Adam near-whispered, and Kris shook his head disbelievingly, wrapping a protective hand around the back of his neck.

  
 

“Seriously, Kris,” Adam said, wrapping a hand around his wrist. “I still.... I still want to do this.”

  
 

“Then I'll be waiting for you,” Kris replied after a pregnant pause against his ear, and Adam smiled, wrapping his arms around Kris' waist and pressing a slow, tender kiss to his mouth. 

  
 

“Always,” Adam agreed, squeezing him once before grabbing Lily's harness and standing to leave.

  
 

Kris watched him go, his hand drifting unconsciously to his throat, where the necklace that Adam had given him for his birthday all those months ago was resting. He clasped his hand around the cool silver and closed his eyes, sending up a quick prayer. 

  
 

_Give him strength._

  
 

~ 

  
 

Adam went to find Bobby in her office, knocking on the door. She answered immediately, ushering him and Lily inside. Her office smelled vaguely of air freshener and potpourri, as it usually did, and Adam took a deep lungful of the sweet-scented air, trying to calm his pounding heartbeat. 

  
 

They both paused by the door to the session room, and Bobby leaned in, speaking quietly to him. 

  
 

“I just want you to know, Adam,” she murmured, “neither I nor Thomas have any kind of expectation for how you should act or react. He has expressed a need to speak with you about the accident; I have no idea what he's going to say or bring up. But I assure you, I made it very clear to him that he shouldn't expect any type of instant forgiveness or compassion. I believe he is prepared for anything you have to say, and I sincerely believe that you are as well.”

  
 

“I am,” Adam replied.

  
 

“I'm glad that you can say that,” Bobby commented. “And also, if at any time it becomes too much...just get up and leave. No questions asked.”

  
 

Adam simply nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and Bobby opened the door, following him inside. 

  
 

Lily led him to an empty armchair, and he sank down into it, carefully measuring his breaths. The room was completely silent—Adam could almost imagine that he was here for a private session. 

  
 

“We'll begin now,” Bobby announced, papers shuffling in her lap. “Why don't you two introduce yourselves?”

  
 

Adam remained motionless, his lips thin, until a low, hesitant, middle-aged voice broke the silence. “I'm...Thomas.” 

  
 

“Adam,” Adam said, the word coming out quieter than he had intended, and he stroked his fingers over Lily's head, waiting.

  
 

“What are you thinking, Adam?” Bobby asked after a minute, and Adam chuckled humorlessly, rubbing his hands over his face.

  
 

“I don't know,” he replied, leaving his face in his hands. “I don't even know. You're.... You're the man who killed him. I'm not even sure that I can...listen to you.”

  
 

“I wouldn't blame you...if you couldn't,” Thomas said, his voice gruff.

  
 

“What makes you say that, Thomas?” Bobby asked, gently leading them into the conversation, and Thomas sighed heavily, falling silent for a moment. Adam honed in on the steady sound of the clock, ruffling Lily's ears. _Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

  
 

“I...It was hard enough for me to come to terms with what I did, but you? I had to live with the knowledge that I got drunk one night and killed one man and blinded another...but you're the one I hurt. For you to sit here and listen to my attempt at making things right? I wouldn't blame you if you got up and left right now.”

  
 

“I'm better than that,” Adam murmured, more to himself than to anyone else. “I'm not going anywhere.”

  
 

“Thomas,” Bobby said, “Why don't you tell us of the circumstances surrounding the crash? So that both sides of the story are known before we get too deeply into this.”

  
 

Thomas began speaking, and Adam clenched his nails into the palm of his hand, forcing himself to focus. He managed to gather that Thomas had gone out and gotten drunk after his wife had stormed out of the house, asking for a divorce, but the only thought running through his mind was, “_This is him. This is the man that took Brad from me.”_

  
 

“Thanks for sharing that,” Bobby said, some time later, and Adam snapped out of his thoughts as she addressed him. “Why don't you share a bit of your journey now, Adam?”

  
 

“Um,” Adam replied, “Okay.”

  
 

He paused, biting his lip. Censorship would do no good here...and he refused to hide the nature of his relationship with Brad--and Kris--whatever Thomas might think of it. Those things were decided before he ever stepped into the room. 

  
 

“Brad was my boyfriend.... Soon to be my fiance,” Adam murmured, folding his hands in his lap and smiling a little sadly. “Well, I hope he would have said yes, anyway. I just remember....”

  
 

He shuddered, eyes shutting against the blurred images. “Your car tearing into the lane, and then just...all of this pain and blackness. The next thing that I remember is the doctor telling me that Brad was dead, and that he couldn't save my sight....and then, for a year, almost nothing. I paced. I refused to adjust to my blindness. Then I...hid it all away. I pretended I was okay. But then I... I met Kris, and everything changed.” 

  
 

He smiled a little, twisting his engagement band around his finger. “He reminded me of Brad. It hurt so badly at first—it was like he'd come back, but he _hadn't. _But I.... I eventually realized that Kris wasn't like Brad, and that's.... I guess that's when I started to fall in love with him. He helped me put my life back together. I learned to live with this disability; I got a job and a guide dog. I dealt with the memories until they didn't hurt so much. And then he proposed to me, and I realized that I wanted nothing more than to marry him. And I'm.... I'm still realizing that.” 

  
 

“Your journey has certainly been inspirational,” Bobby replied, a warm smile obvious in her tone. “I know you had doubts about coming here, Adam. Why don't you try to explain the source of all that anxiety?”

  
 

“Well, you....” Adam started, “You were always...the one factor that was a mystery. The one that I just couldn't seem to move past. When I had flashbacks...nightmares...they were always of that car, just barreling down on us. It became this symbol of—of destruction, of everything I'd lost. I couldn't—I couldn't seem to put that image away.”

  
 

Of anything that Thomas could have said, Adam didn't expect in the least what came next. 

  
 

“That's.... That's amazing,” Thomas said, a little hoarsely, quickly clearing his throat. “I mean...how you got through everything. And the fact that you can still sit here and...smile about getting married. And Bobby's right, if anything...that's inspirational.”

  
 

“I was just living my life again,” Adam replied, quietly.

  
 

“And I'm still trying to do that,” Thomas said. “I.... I didn't remember anything from that night. I just remember waking up with my head throbbing, and my soon-to-be-ex-wife looking at me like I was the scum of the Earth, telling me what happened. Telling me that I'd killed a man and blinded another. At the time.... I just stared at her. I couldn't wrap my mind around that.”

  
 

He paused, voice cracking the smallest bit. “I tried to forget about it, even as the trial was going on. I was convicted of vehicular manslaughter and spent sixteen months in jail for it...and it was all like a dream to me at first. Then, one night after the conviction, it just hit me square in the face—an image of the crash...the car all busted up, and you being wheeled away. Blood was everywhere; I swear I could feel it, I—” 

  
 

Thomas stopped and sucked in a breath, and Adam did the same, surprisingly composed. He'd seen this all himself, thousands of times. He wouldn't allow those memories to control him. 

  
 

“Then I got out of jail,” Thomas slowly continued, some amount of time later. “And what I did...it was still there. I'd lost my wife, my children, and all I could think about was that I'd killed someone. I went back to the bottle, nearly drank myself to death on my first night home, and tried to slit my wrists. And that was it. That was rock bottom. I went to AA the next morning, and I'm.... I'm sober now.”

  
 

“Thomas has taken great strides, even since I've started meeting with him,” Bobby supplied, then allowed them a moment of silence. “Now.... Why don't you talk about why you came here today, Thomas?”

  
 

“That's a tough question,” he softly replied, after a long pause. “Nothing sums it up right. It was the right thing to do? Well, yes, but that's not the reason why I wanted to do it.”

  
 

He trailed off, working his way slowly through his next words. “But I do know...that it wasn't to seek forgiveness. I don't expect that from you, or from anyone else. I did what I did, and everyone involved paid the price for it. I was fucking stupid, and I don't deserve an 'I forgive you.' I guess I just...want to be okay again. I want to be able to...put it in the past, and say, 'Okay, I did this awful thing, and I'll never stop feeling remorse. But it...it doesn't have to rule my life anymore.'” 

  
 

Adam sat in silence once Thomas was finished, his lips parted slightly. His eyes were suddenly brimming with tears, and he sniffed in surprise, letting them trickle unchecked down his cheeks. Thomas had just repeated his own feelings back to him, the emotion there mirroring what he had struggled with every day since that accident. _I don't want this to be the only thing in my life anymore. I want to move on. I want to be okay._

  
 

Bobby handed him a tissue, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder, and Adam broke down like that, hiccuping into his hands. The emotions were pouring out of him in time with the tears, drops of moisture spattering against his fingers and staining his jeans. 

  
 

“T-That's...That's how I feel, too,” Adam managed, closing his eyes. “I don't know...if I can say 'I forgive you', because...n-nothing could ever make up for Brad's death. But you're.... You're human too. We all f-fuck up and hurt people, and we all have to deal with that. And I think that I...can accept that. That's all you can do, right? A-Accept it, and move forward.”

  
 

“That's right, Adam,” Bobby murmured, pride absolutely glowing in her voice as Thomas joined him, laying his own shaking hand on his shoulder. “That's exactly right.”

  
 

~ 

  
 

Kris tapped his foot impatiently against the floor, checking his watch again. He knew this session shouldn't be rushed, but he was anxious to see Adam's face. He needed to know that he was all right. That was all that mattered to him—that Adam be all right. 

  
 

He turned his face, gazing out of the window, and by the time he turned back a solid body was crashing into his arms, wrapping him into a tight embrace. Kris looked up quickly, surprised at the sudden impact, and came face-to-face with Adam, tears still trickling down his face. His eye makeup was smeared all down his cheeks, but the sad, strained look Kris had expected was instead one of happiness. 

  
 

“Baby,” was all Kris said, smiling hugely and stretching up to kiss him. And Adam didn't let him go, even when their lips parted, and before Kris could ask how things went, Adam was murmuring into his ear, soft and sweet.

  
 

“I wanna marry you,” he said, lips curving up against his ear. “As soon as we can. I love you so much—I want to do this.”

  
 

“Oh..._Adam,” _Kris breathed, his eyes misting as he pulled him close and kissed him again.

  
 

Nothing needed to be said—the smile on his face was the answer to every remaining question. 

  
 

The most deserving man in the world had finally, _finally _received what he'd been working for. 


	31. Epilogue

“Adam,” Kris giggled, wiggling against his seat belt when Adam nuzzled his nose in behind his ear, slipping his fingertips up under Kris' suit jacket to skirt along the sensitive flesh there. “Stop it!”

  
 

“Why should I?” Adam murmured with a grin, pressing another kiss to the shell of his ear and wiggling his fingers a little harder. “Gimme one good reason.”

  
 

“Because it tickles!” Kris exclaimed, laughing and pushing at him, their hands tangling instead. His protest died on his lips, and he sighed as Adam kissed him, fingers bracketing his face.

  
 

Kris had just let his eyes slip shut and his lips part when Allison cleared her throat from her position in the front seat. 

  
 

“Not that I mind the glaringly obvious PDA going on here, but we have arrived,” she announced in her best chauffeur voice, and Adam smiled, lips going soft and sweet against Kris' for a moment.

  
 

“Thanks, Alli,” Adam grinned, taking Kris' hand and getting out of the car behind him. “We'll be back in just a minute.”

  
 

“Take your time,” Allison replied, voice soft.

  
 

Kris shut the door and tugged gently on Adam's hand, leading him off the car path. Grass was soft underneath his feet, and the summer sun fell warm across his flesh.

  
 

They walked together for a while, until Kris paused, pressing a small kiss to Adam's jaw.

  
 

“We're here,” he murmured, squeezing Adam's hand once before releasing it. “I'll leave you alone with him.”

  
 

“Thank you,” Adam quietly replied, lowering himself slowly to his knees once Kris was gone and reaching his hands out to run them along the smooth, sun-warmed stone in front of him.

  
 

“Hey there,” Adam whispered, tracing his fingertips slowly along the inscription carved into the front of the stone. “I'm sorry I haven't visited you in...a long time.”

  
 

Tears ran slowly down his cheeks, dripping onto the marble, and he smiled, resting his thumb over the the first engraved _B. _“I miss you every day, baby. But Kris is going to take good care of me, okay?”

  
 

Adam paused, dipping his head with a grin as an image of Brad's smile flashed through his mind.

  
 

“I love you,” he whispered, before standing and returning to Kris.

  
 

Not a word was said between them, their matching gold bands glittering on their entwined fingers as they smiled at each other and shared a kiss, heading slowly back towards the car.

 


End file.
